Sexual abuse: supporting children & teens

Supporting children and teenagers who have experienced sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse can harm children and teenagers mentally and physically, now and into the future. But children and teenagers who’ve experienced sexual abuse can and do heal if they get support.

Support helps children feel safe, secure and less distressed.

Support can come from family, other carers, community, connection to country and culture, and professionals.

Family and social support for children and teenagers who have experienced sexual abuse

If your child or a child in your care has experienced sexual abuse, there are things you can do in your everyday family life to support them.

Everyday life

Stick with regular routines for mealtimes, bedtimes, and school, kindergarten or preschool.
Take notice of any significant changes in your child’s behaviour – for example, eating or sleeping differently or avoiding activities or places they used to enjoy.
Share meals together regularly as a family. Talk about the things you’d normally talk about, like what people have been doing during the day.
Spend time together as a family and with people your child likes and trusts. For example, play family board games, go for walks, watch TV together and so on.
Make time each day to talk with your child one to one – for example, while you’re reading a book together before bed or driving to a sports game.
Help your child to set small, achievable goals – for example, trying a new hobby or going to sports training every week.
Talk to your child’s school about how they can support your child – for example, a teacher they can talk to, or a safe space they can go to.
Praise your child’s progress and improvements in all aspects of their life.

Relationships

Tell your child that you love them and will always be there for them, no matter what.
Show affection in the way that your child prefers. For example, your child might prefer a high five or fist bump rather than a hug or kiss.
Encourage your child to maintain supportive relationships outside your family – for example, though extracurricular activities.

Feelings

Be patient if your child seems angry or frustrated. When your child is sad, distressed or worried, comfort and reassure them. Let them know that all their feelings are OK.
Encourage your child to talk about their emotions and then label them together. You could say, ‘How are you feeling this morning? You’re smiling – it looks like you’re feeling happy’.
If your child is young, try using ‘feelings’ pictures, posters, cards or toys to help your child understand and express their emotions. Books about feelings can also help.
If your child is older, suggest a diary or journal. Sometimes it’s easier to write things down or draw them than say them aloud.
If your child has trouble talking about their feelings, they might find it easier if you ask them how someone else might feel in this situation.

Talking and listening

Give your child space, time and opportunities to talk about what has happened.
Let your child know that you’re there to listen and support them. Reassure your child that they can talk with you about anything, no matter what it is.
Actively listen to your child’s concerns and feelings without trying to fix them.
Talk about being safe, feeling safe and having the right to feel safe. For example, you could talk about people your child can go to for help if they feel unsafe.
If you’re getting professional support for your child, let your child know what it will involve, how it will help, and how you’ll work through it together.
Talk with your child about sharing information about the sexual abuse. Be clear about who you’ll need to tell and how they’ll help.

There will be good and not-so-good days. Keep giving your child as much support as you can, even on the not-so-good days. If you’re not sure how to support your child, check in with the professional working with your child. Together you can work out how to respond.

Professional support for children and teenagers who have experienced sexual abuse

Professional support can help your child heal from abuse. For some children, this support will involve working directly with professionals. For others, particularly young children, the support might involve you working with professionals and learning strategies to help your child at home.

The first step is to visit your GP to ask for a referral to a professional or specialist service for your child. Depending on your child’s needs and available services, this could be a psychologist, social worker, advocate or a service providing individual or group programs.

You can ask your GP for help to find the right service or professional for your child. You might want to look for someone who:

specialises in working with children
has experience in working with children who have experienced child sexual abuse
is the gender your child prefers.

Professionals can develop a treatment and support plan to help your child. They can also help you to understand the steps you need to take in your situation.

You might be able to arrange a trial appointment to see whether the professional is a good fit for you and your child.

Support services differ from state to state. Many states have specialist funded child sexual abuse services. Some private clinics and professionals also specialise in this area. These helplines and services can be good places to start to find out what’s available in your area.

Working with professionals to recover from child sexual abuse

If your child is working with a professional to recover from child sexual abuse, your family will probably be involved too. But the way you’re involved will depend on the program and approach the professional uses. It’s a good idea to ask the professional about this.

When you visit the professional, here are questions to ask:

What will a typical session look like?
What strategies and activities do you use with children who’ve experienced child sexual abuse?
How long will my child need support? How many sessions will my child have?
Will there be opportunities for other family members to be involved in some sessions?
How can I support my child between their sessions?
How will you monitor and let me know about my child’s progress?
What will you do if you have any child safety concerns?

Looking after yourself when your child has experienced sexual abuse

If your child has experienced sexual abuse, you might experience a range of feelings. You might feel overwhelmed, pressured, confused, angry, horrified, disgusted, sad, betrayed, guilty or grief-stricken. Your family and your friends might feel this way too.

It’s important to remind yourselves that you’re not to blame.

It’s also important to look after yourself. Looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally will help you meet your child’s needs.

And it’s important to ask for help. You can talk with trusted friends and family, but check beforehand with your child about sharing information. And also be clear that you want friends and family to respect your child’s privacy. Or you could talk with your GP, who can refer you to a counsellor or psychologist. Your child’s professional might also be able to recommend someone experienced in working with parents, carers and siblings.

You don’t have to cope alone. Seeking support for yourself is an important part of helping your child recover from abuse.