Emotions and emotional development: gifted children and talented children

If your child is gifted or talented, you might notice that they have strong emotions, interests and opinions compared with other children their age. Sometimes your gifted child might have trouble managing these strong feelings.

For example:

• Your young child might be very upset when they’re asked to finish drawing but want to spend more time adding detail.
• Your school-age child might worry more than others about friendship troubles or not always getting things ‘right’ in class.
• Your older or teenage child might feel anxious about not being able to fix climate change. Or they might not understand why others don’t share their excitement about a work of art.

Strategies for handling strong feelings in gifted children and talented children
Good communication is one of the keys to supporting your gifted child’s emotional development.

It’s all about talking, listening and responding in a sensitive way, even when your child’s feelings seem out of proportion to what has happened. Talking and listening gives your child time to think through their feelings. It also gives you the chance to understand those feelings.

It’s good to help children learn to understand and manage their emotions by naming feelings and suggesting ways to manage them. For example, ‘It sounds like you feel frustrated about your drawing. Why don’t you have quiet time with your favourite book? You could work on your drawing again later’.

If your child is older, active listening and problem-solving can help you and your child work through the ups and downs of adolescence.

If your child needs help to calm down from strong emotions, you can try these steps – notice the emotion, name the emotion and connect it with the event, and pause. Problem-solve afterwards. You can also read more about helping children calm down and helping pre-teens and teenagers calm down.

Social development and skills: gifted children and talented children

Gifted children and talented children can usually think faster or more deeply than other children their age. So they’re often good at imagining what it’s like to be in someone else’s situation.

Sometimes these qualities mean your gifted child gets along well with others. Other times, it might seem like your child doesn’t quite fit in with children their own age.

For example, you might have noticed that your child prefers to play with older children. Or your child might like talking to teachers or other adults. This is because your child is thinking and feeling in more advanced ways than their peers.

Strategies for helping gifted children and talented children get along with others
Like any child, your gifted child will sometimes need your help to learn about getting along well with others.

A great starting point for getting along with people is understanding that different people have different strengths. You can help your child learn this during everyday family life. For example, you can point out the talents and interests of other family members.

You can also give your child opportunities to build and practise social skills through:

• playgroups for younger children
• interest-based groups – for example, youth band, drama class, chess club, Scouts and Guides for older children and teenagers
• gifted and talented support groups and programs.

Behaviour: gifted children and talented children

Like all children, gifted children and talented children can behave in challenging ways sometimes. But their challenging behaviour can happen for particular reasons. For example, it can happen because they:

• are quick to question family rules and routines
• are easily frustrated
• need challenging learning opportunities.

Strategies for managing family rules and routines
Your gifted child probably has an excellent memory, so they’re likely to remember rules and routines well.

But it might be challenging to get your child to follow your family rules and routines. For example, your child might not want to switch off the light if they’re reading a book they’re really interested in. Or your child might come up with some very good reasons why reading is more important than going to sleep!

It can help to be firm about your general expectations – for example, turning the light out by 9 pm on weeknights. But being ready to negotiate about little things is a good idea. For example, if your child wants to read past lights-out time, you could let them use a mindfulness or sleep story app instead.

If your child has siblings, rules that say how your family looks after and treats its members can help them get along. For example, ‘Please knock and get permission before going into each other’s rooms’.

Strategies for handling frustration
Your gifted child might set very high standards for themselves and get frustrated when they can’t meet them. This can sometimes result in behaviour like tantrums.

It’s great for your child to work towards high standards. But your child needs to understand that it’s OK to make mistakes, because mistakes help your child learn what to do differently next time. This helps your child grow, improve and develop their gifts into talents.

And when things don’t go well and your child feels frustrated, self-compassion will help. You can read more about self-compassion for children and self-compassion for pre-teens and teenagers.

Strategies for finding the right learning opportunities
If your gifted child isn’t given enough opportunities to learn outside home, they might:

• not engage with activities or other children at child care, preschool or school
• seem fine at child care, preschool or school but have tantrums or seem upset or withdrawn after coming home
• distract themselves or classmates at school instead of doing the classwork.

If this sounds like your child, first talk with your child about what’s happening at child care, preschool or school. Listen for any clues that your child needs new learning opportunities or other support. For example, your child might say something like, ‘I already know the work, but my teacher keeps giving me the same thing’ or ‘The other children won’t let me join in the game because I’m a lot better than they are’.

Next, talk with your child’s teachers and educators about your child’s worries, behaviour or learning needs. If you can work with your child’s educators to support your child’s needs, your child will probably be more interested in their learning.

Get more ideas for encouraging positive behaviour in children and positive behaviour in pre-teens and teenagers.