Sex and sex drive during pregnancy: what to expect

If your partner’s pregnancy is going smoothly and you and your partner are keen, it’s OK to have sex.

But many people have less sex when they’re expecting a baby. This is because it’s natural for both partners to experience changes in sex drive during pregnancy.

Also, sex during pregnancy can feel different from how it felt before.

Is sex during pregnancy safe?

You might worry that sex during pregnancy will harm your baby. If the pregnancy is going smoothly, your baby is well protected and sealed off in the amniotic sac. You can’t hurt your baby by having sex.

There are some situations where sex might be unsafe during pregnancy. For example, sex might be unsafe if your partner has:

• signs of a possible miscarriage or premature labour
• a history of cervical weakness
• severe abdominal pain or cramps
• a diagnosis of placenta praevia
• vaginal bleeding or has had bleeding without a clear cause
• broken waters.

If you’re unsure about anything or if there are any problems – for example, your partner has some bleeding during pregnancy – talk with your GP, midwife or obstetrician. They’ll let you know whether it’s safe to have sex.

First trimester: sex during pregnancy

In the early months of pregnancy, physical symptoms can reduce your partner’s desire for sex – for example, nausea, fatigue and sore breasts. Also, your partner might just feel less sexy or desirable.

Second trimester: sex during pregnancy

You might notice your partner has more energy for and interest in sex in the middle months of pregnancy.

Early pregnancy symptoms like nausea, fatigue and breast tenderness have probably calmed down. Your partner’s hormones, plus extra blood flow to sexual organs, might make it easier for your partner to be aroused.

But it’s also natural if your partner’s desire for sex decreases in the second trimester. This might be because your partner’s body shape is changing and your partner has mixed feelings about these changes.

If you do have sex, let your partner take the lead in finding a comfortable sexual position.

You might find that your own interest in sex changes throughout your partner’s pregnancy. This is common and might happen as you start to think about caring for your baby and becoming a parent.

Third trimester: sex during pregnancy

Sex for your very pregnant partner involves some physical challenges.

As the baby gets bigger, you might need to be creative and try different sexual positions. But your partner might be feeling too big, uncomfortable or tired to have sex.

Your partner might also feel less sexy than usual. And you might find that this doesn’t change, no matter how many compliments or kind words you give.

Just let your partner take the lead, and see what feels right for both of you.

You could try imagining how your partner feels physically. This might make it easier to understand your partner’s changing interest in sex.

Sex after birth

After your baby is born, you and your partner might want to feel close again. If your partner feels ready, it’s OK to have sex (unless a doctor has advised otherwise).

But it’s natural for both of you to have less interest in sex in the early months. You might feel overwhelmed or tired. Or it might be hard to find time for sex and intimacy when you’re busy caring for your baby’s needs.

Also, your partner is going through physical and emotional changes, which can affect sexual feelings. For example, after giving birth, physical healing and recovery can take time.

Many couples start to have sex again 6-8 weeks after birth, but some couples don’t start to have sex again for months.

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, it’s a good idea to think about contraception before you start having sex again. Sometimes breastfeeding makes getting pregnant less likely, but there’s no guarantee. There’s a chance your partner could get pregnant if you’re having sex without using contraception.

Changes in your sexual relationship: how to handle them

If you or your partner don’t feel like having sex or if your health professional has advised you to avoid sex, you might just accept it. Or you might feel frustrated or disconnected.

No matter what you’re feeling, it can help to talk it through with your partner. This can help each of you understand what the other is going through and keep you connected.

It’s also important to be patient and recognise that this is a time of big changes for both of you.

In the meantime, you can build intimacy and be close in other ways. For example, you can kiss, hug, cuddle, give massages or take a bath together. Even a brief touch as you pass each other in the kitchen can remind you of your bond.

It can be hard to talk about issues in your sexual relationship. If you’re finding it hard, you can speak to a counsellor or psychologist. You can also call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 or the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321.