Story
Vampires Suck is a parody of the Twilight movie series. This movie’s plot consists mainly of a patchwork of events taken from the first two movies in that series – Twilight and Twilight Saga: New Moon.
Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves back to the small Washington town of Spooks to live with her divorced father, Frank Crane (Diedrich Bader). At her new school, Becca is immediately attracted to, and forms a relationship with, the mysterious Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter). He is a vampire, like his adopted family. The plot thickens when a love triangle develops between Edward, Becca and Becca’s childhood friend, Jacob White (Chris Riggi). Jacob is a Native American who also happens to be a werewolf. Becca’s life is then threatened by a trio of rogue vampires.
Themes
The supernatural; vampires; werewolves; teenage relationships
Violence
Vampires Suck is full of highly exaggerated, gruesome violence, which is played for comedy. For example:
Sexual references
Vampires Suck contains crude and overt sexual references throughout.
Alcohol, drugs and other substances
This movie contains some use of substances. For example:
- A man drinks from a wine bottle labelled ‘True Blood’.
- Blood trickles from Becca’s nose. Becca says that she shouldn’t have partied with Lindsay Lohan the night before.
- Becca’s father leaves her a note telling her that there are drugs in the top drawer.
- Several young men pour beer down a funnel into the mouth of another man.
- A young woman talks about binge drinking as if it is the popular thing to do.
Nudity and sexual activity
Vampires Suck contains some nudity and sexual activity. For example:
- Edward removes his clothes in front of a large crowd of people. His naked chest, abdomen and hips are visible, but the crowd blocks the view of his genitals. When the camera zooms in, we see a large spinning disco ball covering the area.
- A teenage girl and boy wrap their legs and arms around each other and kiss passionately in the school canteen.
- Edward walks into the school cafeteria with a large bulge in the leg of his pants. A girl appears impressed.
- Edward lies on Becca’s bed and Becca straddles him. They kiss and Becca uses her mouth to remove a ring from Edward’s finger. When Becca opens her mouth, the ring appears to have transformed into a tongue stud. They then discuss having sex.
- Several young men with bare chests and wearing shorts dance together suggestively, touching each other as they dance.
Product placement
The following products are displayed or used in this movie: electronic media such as mobile phones, facebook and Twitter; brand-name products such as Cheetos, Tampax and Slurpee; and a Segway scooter.
There are also numerous pop culture references to and jokes about celebrities including Taylor Swift, the Jonas Brothers, Lindsay Lohan, the Black Eyed Peas, George Clooney, Chris Brown, Tiger Woods and Lady Gaga.
Coarse language
Vampires Suck contains coarse and crude language and put-downs throughout.
Ideas to discuss with your children
Vampires Suck is made by the writers/directors of Epic Movie, Date Movie and Meet the Spartans. It is a parody of the Twilight movies. It relies heavily on crude humour and sexual references rather than clever satire, and contains no real message. The word ‘vampire’ in the title might attract teenagers, but it is not suitable for children under 15.
If you have older children, you might wish to discuss with them the features of the Twilight movies parodied by this movie. You could also talk about what it has to say about the genre.