Guru Pitka (Mike Myers), who was raised as a young boy by the Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley) is now a new age self-help spiritualist. Guru Pitka has made it to the top. He is a best-selling author, has a palace-like home, servants at his beck and call, and loads of groupies. But for all his success, Guru Pitka is an unhappy man. He is number two on the popular Guru chart and wants to be number one, a spot held by his rival Deepak Chopra, who appears regularly on the Oprah show. Guru Pitka believes that appearing on the Oprah Show is the key to outshining his rival. As a result, he becomes obsessed with gaining an appearance.
Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) is a hockey superstar for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Since Darren’s wife Prudence (Megan Good) left him for rival hockey player, Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake), Darren’s performance on the ice rink has been dismal. The owner of the Maple Leafs, Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) hires Guru Pitka to help Darren win his wife back. Guru Pitka hopes that successfully reuniting Darren with his wife will be ensure him a spot on the Oprah Show. But to get Darren back together with Prudence, Guru Pitka must overcome several obstacles. These include the Maple Leafs coach, Coach Punch Cherkov (Verne Troyer) and Darren’s overbearing mother (Telma Hopkins).
The Love Guru contains on-field sports violence and slapstick-type violence, with some blood and gore. For example:
- A man on an ice-making machine is hit in the head and knocked unconscious by an ice puck and then a hockey stick.
- Guru Pitka threatens some men by saying that he knows an Indian martial art called ‘Howtohurtaguy’.
- A man tells another man that he will rip off his head and shit down his neck.
- During a hockey game, we see players being elbowed in the face, knocked to the ground, falling hard onto their backs on the ice, hit over the head with hockey sticks, and punching each other in the stomach, head and face. We see a player slam another player’s head into a goal support several times (there is some blood on the man’s face and he is missing a tooth).
- During a hockey game, Darren deliberately shoots a hockey puck at Punch Cherkov. It hits Cherkov in the head and knocks him off the wall he was standing on.
- Guru Pitka punches Coach Punch Cherkov in the face, knocking him down.
- A man tells another man, ‘I’m gunna break your fingers’.
- Darren’s mother punches him in the face.
- Guru Pitka and Darren become involved in a bar room brawl. Two young girls beat Guru Pitka, people are punched in the face, a man is slammed down onto a table, chairs are smashed over heads, and three men are thrown through a glass window. One man pulls a shard of window glass from his bloodied head wound. We see a side-on image of Guru Pitka pulling a pool cue from his rectum.
- Coach Punch Cherkov punches Guru Pitka in the groin causing Pitka to grab his groin and fall to the ground in pain. Coach Cherkov then tells Guru Pitka to ‘Stay down bitch’.
- Coach Cherkov fakes a heart attack and is defibrillated by medics. The charge from the defibrillation hurls Coach Cherkov through the air, across the ice rink and into a wall. When Coach Cherkov gets up, his clothes are smouldering and his jacket sleeve is on fire.
You might also be concerned about other scenes in the film. These include the following:
- A sports announcer makes an apology on air to actress Judy Dench for beating her up. We see supposed images of the actress in a hospital bed with her face covered in bandages.
- Guru Pitka flosses his teeth with rope-like floss. The floss is pulled back and forward through Pitka’s nose and rectum (Pitka is fully clothed).
- When Guru Pitka performs yoga moves, we see a side-on image of Guru Pitka with his head inserted in his rectum.
- Guru Tugginmypudha pours tea though his nostril and then out of his mouth into a teacup. He serves it to Pitka, who gags when he finds a nose hair in his tea.
- Guru Pitka is attacked off screen by a rooster. We hear lots of screeching animal sounds and see Guru Pitka with torn clothing. He is covered in chicken feathers and has the bloodied severed head and neck of a rooster sticking out of his mouth.
- An elephant poos into a garbage bin held by a man, with the elephant overfilling the bin.
- Guru Tugginmypudha wees into an urn (we see and hear steam coming from the urn). Trainee gurus dip mops into the urine and then use the mops as weapons to beat each other.
- While in a bar, Guru Pitka uses a mug to makes loud sounds that resemble someone with diarrhoea.
- The movie contains images of Coach Punch Cherkov making loud belching and flatulent sounds.
- Guru Pitka gets his assistant to check his nostrils for ‘boogers’. The assistant finds one, so Pitka clears his throat and swallows it.
- Guru Tugginmypudha passes gas and burps loudly. He then blows his nose, and the contents of his nose blow three feet through the air to land in a rubbish bin.
Content that may disturb children
Apart from the above mentioned scenes, there are no additional scenes in this movie that are likely to scare or disturb children under eight.
Apart from the scenes mentioned above, there are no additional scenes that are likely to scare or disturb children in this age group.
Children in this age group are unlikely to be disturbed by anything in this film.
The Love Guru contains frequent crude humour and sexual references throughout. For example:
- Characters talk about putting a wiener (small sausage) on a table. Then they it looks like a penis, only smaller.
- A female reporter tells her viewers that she is not able to say on air what Jacques Grande’s nickname ‘Le Coq’ refers to. Jacques appears to remove his underwear, and we hear the sound of a loud thud. A tattoo on Jacques’ abdomen points upwards with the words ‘The Man’ and down with the words ‘The Legend’. The reporter looking at Jacques’ groin, gasps and swears . Later in the movie, announcers refer to Jacques as having ‘The biggest wiener in hockey’. A second announcer says that he looks like he’s smuggling a schnauzer in his pants. Later, Jacques’ penis is referred to as a ‘giant hog’.
- Characters talk about Jacques ‘banging Darren’s wife’.
- A young Pitka tells Guru Tugginmypudha that his parents were missionaries. Guru Tugginmypudha makes the comments about Pitka’s parents being into ‘Doggy style’ before missionary position.
- When young Pitka starts to ask Guru Tugginmypudha if he can still masturbate (implied) with his chastity belt on, he is promptly told that he will go cross eyed. We see an image of Guru Tugginmypudha’s cross-eyed face.
- A man talks about popping his ‘Dick bag’.
- Characters talk about a Guru named Hathasmallwiener having a small penis before he got syphilis.
- Guru Pitka tells Jane that she has bedroom eyes, a great rack, and buttocks thicker than a Snickers. Jane leans forward to kiss Pitka, but Pitka pulls back, telling Jane that he cannot.
- Reference is made to graffiti on a toilet wall that says, ‘The joke is in your hands’.
- The movie contains images of self-help anagrams with crude sexual connotations.
- Guru Pitka makes gestures that suggest oral sex. He opens his mouth wide while putting a corndog into his mouth. Pitka asks if the corndog is a doggy thing.
- We see Guru Pitka pointing to his groin saying, ‘I think I made a happy wiener.’
- Guru Pitka pronounces Coach Cherkov name ‘Jerkoff’.
- Jane tells Guru Pitka that she has a school-girl crush on him.
- Characters talk about Duffy Duck pushing a lawn mower through a person’s pubic hair.
- A man orders food saying, ‘I’ll have your nuts in a sling’. We see a tortilla with two large nuts rolled inside. The nuts are smashed by a mallet while a man groans. The food is displayed on a board with a pickle. The arrangement looks like male genitalia.
- Guru Pitka talks about Jacques being a ‘Mr Right Now’, rather than a ‘Mr Right’.
- When leaving a nightclub, Guru Pitka says, ‘Let’s make like a baby and head out.’
- When a sports announcer sees two elephants mating, he says, ‘They’re doing it, I think they’re doing it hard’. We see the announcer with his tie wrapped tightly around his hand with the announcer stating ‘I’m rigid’. Later the announcer comments ‘Post ejaculation, the spiny penis retracts’.
Alcohol, drugs and other substances
There is some use of substances in this movie. For example:
- A sports announcer announces on air that he has been cured of his addiction to peyote buttons and apologises for his drug-induced attack on a celebrity.
- There are a couple of bar room scenes containing images of tables with glasses of alcohol sitting on them and people holding glasses. A bottle of beer is thrown into the air and we see beer spilling out of the bottle.
- One announcer tells another, ‘You’re been doing drugs again’. The announcer in question acts as if he is hallucinating that he is a Borg from ‘Star Track’. We see him being carried away by security guards. The same announcer says on air that he needs sleep (the implication is that he has been kept awake by drugs). We see him fall unconscious.
- At the end of the movie, we see Coach Cherkov smoking a hookah. He states ‘I’m a midnight toker’ and falls back unconscious.
Nudity and sexual activity
There is some nudity and sexual activity in this movie. For example
- There are several images of women (serving Guru Pitka) wearing sensual uniforms consisting of short shorts and bikini tops that reveal cleavage.
- There is a picture of a man nude from the waist down with a black triangle lettered ‘CENSORED’ covering the groin area.
- The young Pitka wears a chastity belt with the shape of an elephant’s head and trunk covering his groin. When Pitka has an erection, we hear a gong sound. Later Pitka raises his shirt and drops his pants to shows Jane his chastity belt and bare legs.
- Prudence gets out of a pool in a bikini that has become slightly transparent.
- There are several images of Jacques in his underwear with a large bulge in the front. He sports a red rooster on his helmet.
- In one scene, Guru Pitka lays his healing hands on Jessica Simpson causing Jessica to moan and convulse.
- Darren and Prudence lie in bed facing each other. They look at each other and say ‘damn’.
- Prudence sits on a bed wearing underwear. A shirtless Jacques stands in front of her. Prudence says ‘Show me’. We are given the impression that Jacques is dropping his pants, hear the sound of a thud and hear Prudence gasp ‘damn’.
- The word ‘Guru’ is tattooed on a woman’s cleavage.
- While describing a hockey play, two commentators draw a crude picture that resembles male genitals.
- A man asks a woman, ‘Are you as turned on as I am?’
- The movie contains images of two elephants mating on an ice hockey rink with spectators looking on with their mouths open. An overweight couple looks into each other’s eyes and say, ‘I love you’.
None of concern
The Love Guru contains some medium-level coarse language and put-downs.
Ideas to discuss with your children
The Love Guru, targeted at older adolescents and adults, is a send-up that relies extensively on one-line crude sexual jokes and innuendo. If you allow your children to see this movie, you could discuss the attitudes towards sex and women, and the use of drugs.
You might also like to discuss the main messages in this movie:
- Do not take short cuts - this will only result in making the situation worse.
- Do not sacrifice your own values for expediency.
- Accepting yourself is the key to loving others.