Changing family relationships in blended families and stepfamilies
Relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins often change after separation and divorce.
For example, you might not continue to have contact with the family of your child’s other parent. And if you do have contact, it’s natural for it to gradually reduce over the years.
If you repartner, there’ll be more changes. You’ll probably gain new extended family members, and your child will probably meet your new partner’s parents and family.
Children usually benefit from contact with extended families as long as the relationships are positive. It’s important for them to feel that they belong and there are plenty of people who care about them. Grandparents can play a particularly important role in supporting children during their parents’ separation or repartnering.
How to maintain existing extended family relationships
Most families find it easier when each parent keeps in contact with their own extended family. This means that when children stay with each parent, they see that parent’s extended family.
Some families all get together for important occasions like birthdays, graduations and weddings. If both families can cooperate, these occasions usually go well.
Sometimes situations are more challenging. If your child’s other parent has died, lives far away, is estranged from family or doesn’t have much contact with your child, contact with your child’s other grandparents and relatives might depend on you.
You might want to think about whether your child’s other grandparents and relatives are important to your child and whether your child wants to see them. If your child feels safe and positive after seeing their relatives and your child’s other parent is OK with you maintaining contact, it’s important to keep these connections going.
How to build new extended family relationships
If you repartner, your child will probably gain a new extended family. If everyone is open to it, your child can develop friendly, supportive and sometimes close relationships with your new partner’s parents and other family members over time.
How close this relationship becomes can depend on:
- how old your child is when they meet your partner’s parents – young children often become close more easily than older children
- how interested your partner’s parents are in building a relationship with your child
- how much time your child spends with new extended family members
- how open you and your child are to getting to know your partner’s parents.
You can support your child in developing relationships with new extended family members by accepting invitations from your partner’s relatives when you can. If you feel comfortable, you could think about arranging get-togethers with the new extended family. But try to follow your child’s lead – check in regularly with how they’re feeling and take things at a pace that suits them.
Your parents: how they can build relationships with new children in your life
Your parents can develop a good relationship with the new children in your life and help them feel comfortable in their new family by:
- being welcoming and showing interest in getting to know them – for example, by making time to talk at family get-togethers
- being available to help with the children sometimes if they’re asked
- including the children when organising family activities that involve their other grandchildren.