Parent stress: signs to watch for & coping strategies that work

What is parent stress?

Stress is a response to external challenges, pressures or events.

Stress is part of life as a parent. That’s because raising children often involves balancing many different demands including work, family time, household chores, children’s activities and social activities.

Some stress is OK. It can get you ready for action and give you the motivation to get things done. But too much stress can make it difficult to cope with everyday things.

What causes parent stress?

When you’re a parent, the challenges, pressures or events that cause stress might include big things like:

returning to work after having a baby
resolving disagreements with your partner or child
guiding your child’s behaviour.

They might also include everyday things like:

handling a tantrum in public
attending appointments or running errands with children
just getting out the door on time!

If you know the situations that cause stress for you, you might be able to avoid them or prepare yourself for them.

Managing your stress as a parent is good for your emotional and mental health and wellbeing. And when your stress is under control and you’re feeling well, you’re better able to navigate the challenges of family life. This helps your child grow, develop and thrive.

What are the signs of parent stress?

Short-term stress reactions

If you’re in a stressful situation, your body will probably let you know. Your:

heart rate might go up
breathing might get faster
muscles might tense up.

Sometimes these short-term stress reactions can help you deal with the situation. For example, they might give you the adrenaline rush you need to get your child to the school bus on time.

Signs that you’re stressed out

If you’re stressed out, your body will get exhausted. You might end up with headaches, sleep problems, digestive problems or the feeling that you just can’t cope. This isn’t good for your health and wellbeing.

You might:

worry a lot about your child or your parenting
often feel impatient, irritable or angry
be snappy or short-tempered with your partner or child
have stomach aches, headaches, muscle tension or other physical discomfort
have trouble sleeping
find it hard to do ordinary family activities or household chores
find it hard to think clearly or think things like ‘I’m never going to get out of this mess’
smoke or use alcohol or other drugs to handle your stress.

How to cope in stressful parenting situations

Stress is part of life as a parent, and you won’t always be able to avoid it. But you can change the way you think about stressful parenting situations.

Unhelpful thinking makes it harder to deal with stressful things. For example, in a stressful situation you might think, ‘What’s wrong with me? I can’t get things together’. But you can replace unhelpful thinking with realistic thinking, which can improve your mood and your ability to cope.

Thinking strategy for stressful situations

Challenge unhelpful thoughts. For example, your child cries in the supermarket. You think, ‘Everyone will think I’m a bad parent’. But you could ask yourself, ‘How do I know that people will think this?’ or ‘Would I think this about someone else?’
Use helpful self-talk and self-compassion instead. For example, say to yourself, ‘I’m doing the best I can. The shopping won’t take long. I can get through it’.
Be realistic. For example, your child will sometimes cry in the supermarket. But maybe they’d cry less if you went shopping after their nap. Or could you try online shopping if shopping in store is too hard?
Practise. The more you challenge unhelpful thinking and use helpful self-talk and self-compassion, the more automatic it will become.

In stressful parenting situations, it can help to step away from whatever is causing you stress for a couple of minutes. This can help you feel calmer. You could also do some deep breathing. Feeling calm can help you cope better in these situations.

How to reduce parent stress by looking after yourself

When you feel well and good about yourself, you might be better able to handle stressful situations. That’s why looking after your wellbeing is important.

Focus on the essentials

Stress often means you’re trying to do too much. These tips can help you focus on what matters, so you feel less overwhelmed and more in control:

Think about which tasks or activities are most important.
Break large tasks into smaller ones, and work on the most important ones.
Ask for help with any essential tasks that you can’t manage.

Stay connected with others

When you’re connected with others, you’ll feel supported and better able to cope. You’ll also have people whom you can ask for help. Here are ways to stay connected:

Make a regular time to talk with your partner, if you have one. This might be after dinner when your child is in bed.
Spend time with friends. Even meeting for a quick coffee can be enough.
If you have limited time, connect with other parents through social media or in ways that work for you.

Look after your physical and emotional wellbeing

When you’re physically and emotionally well, you’ll be better able to manage your feelings, reactions and behaviour in stressful situations. These tips can help:

Eat well and do some exercise, plus rest when you can.
Relax before bed with quiet activities like reading, drawing, doing puzzles, or listening to music. Avoid watching TV or scrolling on your phone in your bedroom.
Practise breathing, muscle relaxation or mindfulness exercises so you feel more relaxed.
Write down your worries in a journal. Expressing your worries in words can help you think about them in a healthy and realistic way.
Avoid stimulants like cigarettes and caffeine and depressants like alcohol if you can.

Make time for yourself

If you’re feeling overwhelmed as a parent, think about ways to make time for yourself. For example:

Prepare meals in advance.
Shop online instead of in person.
Talk with your partner about responsibilities at home.
Set aside time for things you enjoy, whether that’s reading, gardening or playing sport.
Try to do one thing you enjoy every day. Even if it’s only a few minutes, it’s still time for you.
Say no sometimes. Sometimes you might need to ‘give to yourself’ before you can ‘give to others’.

Humour does wonders to melt away stress. Smiling and laughing is one of the best relaxation techniques, and enjoying yourself can help your stress levels. Try talking with a friend who makes you laugh or watching a funny TV show.

I’m still feeling stressed: what can I do?

If you’re still feeling very stressed every day, it might help to talk to a health professional.

You could start by seeing your GP, who can help you make a plan for managing stress. This might include referring you to another health professional for some specialist support.

Stress can be the result of having too much to do but not enough time, experiencing unexpected or big life changes or other issues. It can help to work with a professional on identifying the issues and coming up with solutions.