When do you need a routine?

If you feel your family doesn’t spend enough time together having fun or family life feels busy or difficult, a routine might help.

A routine can be useful for busy and stressful times of the day. For example, you might need a routine to help your family get ready for school and work.

A routine might also help if something is regularly causing conflict in your family. This could be when you’re going shopping, or when children fight over whose turn it is to feed the dog.

If you’re constantly reminding people to do things or you’re getting frustrated and angry, this might also be a sign that you need a routine. For example, a routine can encourage your child to complete chores, do homework or get ready for bed.

Routines are particularly useful when you’re trying to help family members develop new or better habits, like good hygiene.

As your child grows or your family goes through big changes, like starting a new job or adjusting to a health condition, you might want to revise your routines or create new ones to take these changes into account.

How to lay the groundwork for a successful routine

Involve family members

Start by talking about a routine with your partner, if you have one. This way you can make sure you both agree and understand what your goals are before you talk about the routine with your child.

By the time your child is about 5 years old, you can get their help with new routines. It’s especially important for teenagers to have a say in their own routines. This can ensure that the routines include time for doing homework or going out with friends.

Getting your child’s help with new routines can give them a sense of control and help them follow routines.

Consider family goals

Routines need to meet the everyday needs of individual family members, but they also need to meet long-term goals. For example, if having regular quality family time is an important long-term goal in your family, try to have routines that help you achieve this goal.

Adapt to changes in family life

It helps to have routines you can adapt as things change. For example, as your child grows they can take on more responsibility for things like getting themselves dressed for school. Or you might need a new routine as your child gets involved in sport or other activities.

A new routine could also be part of an old one. For example, if your child needs to take a new medicine, you could add this to your child’s routine, just before brushing teeth.

Build on family strengths

This means thinking about what your family members are good at and working these strengths into the routine. For example, if one child is better at getting up early, that child could have the first turn in the bathroom.

Make it fun

Building fun or play into a routine can help it run smoothly. For example, you could make your morning routine into a game, and you could praise your child or let your child earn rewards like stickers for getting ready on time.

Consider age and ability

Routines will work well if they’re suited to your children’s ages and abilities. For example, your preschooler might help with the evening routine by putting placemats on the table, while your older child helps by clearing away plates after dinner.

Use reminders and prompts

If you’re setting up a new routine, you might need to remind family members about it until everyone gets used to it. Simple lists can be good reminders if you put them where everyone can see them. If your child is younger, you could make a chart or picture book showing the family routine.

You can also use prompts to remind your child of the routine. For example, the end of a TV show can mark the start of a bedtime routine. Or an older child could use an alarm clock to get up in the morning.

It takes time to overcome old habits and learn new ways of behaving, so you’ll need to give your routine time to work. When things go well, praise your child for effort and cooperation. And if things don’t go to plan, just say to yourself and your child, ‘That’s OK – we can try again tomorrow’.

How to create the routine

1. Work out a goal

The goal of a new morning routine might be that your child is ready for school by 8.30 am – dressed, shoes on, breakfast eaten, teeth and hair brushed, and school bag packed with everything they need for the day.

2. List the individual steps in the order they need to happen

For example:

• 7 am – get up.
• 7.15-7.45 am – have breakfast and put plates in sink.
• 7.45-8 am – clean teeth, brush hair, put on sunscreen.
• 8-8.15 am – put on school uniform, socks and shoes.
• 8.15-8.30 am – pack school bag.

This step involves working out the timing of the routine. How much time does each step take? What time will you need to start so you can get everything done and allow time for the unexpected?

3. Work out what your child can do independently and what they need help with

For example, you might need or like to get your child’s breakfast, but perhaps you can teach your child how to get dressed.

4. Remove distractions

For example, if your child gets distracted by their phone in the morning, the phone could stay in a family area until your child is ready for school.

5. Consider new family rules

If you make simple, clear rules about the kind of behaviour you expect, it will help your child know what to do. For example, you might have a rule about sitting at the table to eat breakfast.

6. Try to build in time for talking or fun

For example, if you allow 30 minutes for breakfast, you might have time to eat with your child and have a chat.

7. Explain the routine

Before you put a new routine into action, talk everyone through the steps of the routine. Be prepared to do this more than once until it’s clear for the whole family.