How to recognise signs of sexual abuse in autistic children

How to recognise sexual abuse in autistic children and teenagers

Autistic children and teenagers might not tell you that they’ve been sexually abused. This can be because they:

think you already know
don’t have the language to say what has happened
don’t understand that what has happened to them is wrong
are worried about losing the friendship of the person abusing them
think they’re to blame for what has happened
think they’ll get in trouble
have been told to keep the abuse secret.

It can also take autistic children and teenagers a long time to understand the meaning of something that has happened to them. For example, a young child whose older cousin asked for a sexy kiss on the lips only later learns what a sexy kiss is and feels distressed at this later time.

But if children don’t or can’t tell that you that something has happened, there might be signs, including physical signs and changes in their emotions or behaviour.

If your child shows one or more of the signs listed below, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve been sexually abused. Your child’s behaviour can change for many reasons, but it’s important to consider sexual abuse as a possibility.

All children have the right to grow up safe from abuse. Safeguarding children against sexual abuse is part of creating safe environments that help children grow and thrive.

Signs of sexual abuse in autistic children 0-11 years

Changes in emotions

If your autistic child has been sexually abused, you might notice that your child is:

more agitated, restless or energetic than usual
nervous, concerned or frightened of certain people or places – for example, they’re more clingy, scared of going to school or scared of men with beards
withdrawn and avoiding social interactions, even with people they usually like to be with
having flashbacks or nightmares.

Changes in behaviour

You might notice that your autistic child is:

behaving like a younger child or losing skills they’ve already learned – for example, they might be wetting or soiling the bed
doing more repetitive, self-soothing or self-injurious behaviour – for example, rocking, skin-picking or hair-pulling
not interested in playing
having problems sleeping
eating more or less than usual
behaving aggressively
running away from home
drawing pictures with sexual themes
behaving in problematic or harmful sexual ways.

Physical signs

You might notice that your child has:

soreness, swelling, bruising, bleeding, redness or irritation in the genital area
pain or discomfort when walking, sitting or going to the toilet
symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like burning while going to the toilet
symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina
stomach aches or unexplained pain for no medical reason.

Signs of sexual abuse in autistic teenagers

Changes in emotions

If your autistic teenager has been sexually abused, you might notice that your child is:

more agitated or hyperactive
angry for no apparent reason
showing signs of low mood or depression
nervous, concerned or frightened around certain people
having flashbacks or nightmares.

Changes in behaviour

You might notice that your child is:

behaving like a younger child or losing skills they’re already learned – for example, speaking like a younger child or becoming attached to a teddy bear
doing more repetitive, self-soothing or self-injurious behaviour – for example, rocking, skin-picking or hair-pulling
dressing differently – for example, covering themselves up or dressing to attract attention
getting gifts they can’t explain – for example, jewellery, electronics or digital gift cards
eating more or less
having problems sleeping
behaving in problematic or harmful sexual ways
starting to have problems with alcohol or other drugs
talking about suicide, including drawing pictures about death.

Changes in school and social life

You might notice that your child is:

withdrawn and avoiding social interactions, even with people they usually like to be with
spending time with new people
being more secretive about their plans
avoiding particular people or places, like a friend’s house or a sports group
avoiding activities or events that they previously enjoyed, or asks questions like ‘Do I have to go to music today?’
doing less well at school.

Physical signs

You might notice your child has:

physical pain or itching in the genital area
difficulty walking or sitting
bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like burning while going to the toilet
symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge or blood on their underwear
a late period
stomach aches or unexplained pain for no medical reason.

Sometimes there might not be any signs of sexual abuse or the signs might be very subtle, but your child might ask you some unusual questions. For example, ‘Is it OK to keep secrets?’, ‘Is it OK for Mr Z to do weird things?’ or ‘Is it OK to do things that I don’t really want to do if I’m getting paid for it?’ And sometimes someone might tell you that they’ve noticed your child is behaving unusually or that your child has said something that has concerned them.

How to respond if autistic children or teenagers have been sexually abused

If you think or know that your autistic child has been sexually abused, it’s natural to feel anger, shock or worry. But you’ll need to put your feelings aside for a time so you can help your child feel safe and able to tell you in their own way about what has happened.

To encourage your child to tell you, you can use or adapt many of the strategies in our article Child sexual abuse: what to do if children or teenagers experience it. The following strategies are also helpful for autistic children:

Play together. This can help if your child’s communication difficulties are making it hard to find out what has happened and how your child feels about it. Play might help your child relax enough to talk.
Encourage your child to describe their feelings. You could say things like ‘How are you feeling right now?’ or ‘I remember a time when I felt scared. When do you feel scared?
Ask your child to draw or act out their feelings. This can be particularly helpful if your child doesn’t speak.

It’s important for your child to tell the story in their own way and at their own pace. Just listen, and don’t ask too many questions. Too many questions can stop a child from telling you their story and might create problems for future legal proceedings.

Help and support for children who have been sexually abused

Children who have experienced sexual abuse can and do heal if they get support.

To help your child, you can use or adapt many of the strategies in our article Child sexual abuse: supporting children or teenagers who have experienced it. It’s very important to:

get professional help for your child
support your child at home.

Professional support

The first step is to visit your GP to ask for a referral to a health professional or specialist service for your child. It’s a good idea to book a longer consultation time.

You can ask your GP for help to find the right health professional or service for your child. You might want to look for someone who:

specialises in working with autistic children
has experience in working with children who have experienced child sexual abuse.

Family support

There are things you can do in your everyday family life at home to support and help your child:

Stick with regular routines for mealtimes, bedtimes, school and so on.
Spend time together as a family and with people your child likes to spend time with. For example, play family board games, go for walks or picnics, watch TV together and so on.
Show warmth in the way that your child prefers. For example, your child might prefer a high five or fist bump rather than a hug or kiss.
Use ‘feelings’ pictures or cards to help your child express feelings. Picture books about feelings can also help.
Try to be at home or with your child as much as possible, so you’re there when your child wants to share more or needs you around to feel safe.
Help your child to set small, achievable goals – for example, trying a new hobby or going to sports training every week.

There will be good and bad days. Keep giving your child as much support as you can, even on the bad days. If you’re not sure how to support your child, check in with your child’s psychologist or counsellor. Together you can work out how to respond.

Reporting child sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse is illegal. Here’s how and when to report it.

Your child has experienced sexual abuse or there’s immediate risk

Report this as soon as possible. Call the police on 131 444 or 000 if it’s an emergency.

You’re not sure about sexual abuse, but you think something has happened

Seek advice from professionals as soon as possible.

You can talk to police child protection officers or helplines. These people are trained to know about child sexual abuse and relate to children who have or might have experienced it. And they can give you advice about what to do next.

Start by contacting the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service for advice on 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732.

You find physical signs that you think indicate sexual abuse

Have your child examined as soon as possible by a medical professional, preferably someone with experience in child sexual abuse. The police or children’s hospitals can help you with this.

When reporting child abuse

Make notes about what has happened so that you can give accurate details to the police. Your notes could include:

what your child has told you in their own words
what physical signs or injuries you’ve noticed or your child has told you about
what emotional or behavioural signs you’ve noticed
what you’ve seen happening between your child and the person your child says has done the abuse
anything else you’ve noticed about that person’s behaviour.

You don’t have to cope alone. Seeking support for yourself is an important part of helping your child recover from abuse. Speak to your GP, who can refer you to a counsellor or psychologist.