Child sexual abuse: autistic kids & teens

Sexual abuse in autistic children and teenagers: recognising the signs

Autistic children and teenagers might not tell you that they’ve been sexually abused. This can be because they:

assume you already know
don’t have the language to say what has happened
don’t understand that what has happened to them is wrong
feel that the person who has abused them is a close friend
think they’re to blame for what has happened
have been told to keep the abuse secret.

It can also take autistic children and teenagers a long time to understand the meaning of something that has happened to them. For example, a young child whose older cousin asked for a sexy kiss on the lips only later learns what a sexy kiss is and feels distressed at this later time.

But if your child doesn’t or can’t tell that you that something has happened, you might notice signs, including physical signs and changes in autistic children’s and teenagers’ emotions or behaviour.

If your child shows one or more of the signs listed below, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve been sexually abused. Your child’s behaviour can change for many reasons, but it’s important to consider sexual abuse as a possibility. It’s also important to trust your instincts.

All children have the right to grow up safe from abuse. Safeguarding children from sexual abuse is part of creating safe environments that help children grow and thrive.

Signs of sexual abuse in autistic children 0-11 years

Changes in emotions
If your autistic child has been sexually abused, you might notice that your child is:

more agitated, aggressive or hyperactive
more anxious or irritable
quiet or more distant than usual and doesn’t start social interactions as often.

Changes in behaviour
You might notice that your autistic child:

can’t do things they could do before or seems to go backwards in their development – for example, they stop using the toilet or start using a baby voice
does more repetitive, self-soothing or self-injurious behaviour – for example, rocking, skin-picking or hair-pulling
isn’t interested in playing
is having problems sleeping
is showing problematic sexual behaviour.

Physical signs
You might notice that your child has:

swelling or redness in the genital area
pain when going to the toilet
difficulty walking or sitting
bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like burning while going to the toilet
symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina.

Signs of sexual abuse in autistic teenagers

Changes in emotions
If your autistic teenager has been sexually abused, you might notice that your child is:

aggressive or seems angry for no apparent reason
quiet or more distant than usual and doesn’t start social interactions as often
more agitated or hyperactive
more lethargic than usual.

Changes in behaviour
You might notice that your child:

can’t do things they could do before or seems to go backwards in their development – for example, they start using a baby voice
does more repetitive, self-soothing or self-injurious behaviour – for example, rocking, skin-picking or hair-pulling
is dressing differently
has clothing, shoes, bags, jewellery or electronics, and you don’t know where these have come from
is showing problematic sexual behaviour, including getting involved in risky sexual behaviour
starts to have problems with alcohol or other drugs
is eating more or less
has problems sleeping
has suicidal thoughts.

Changes in school and social life
You might notice that your child:

is spending more time on their own than usual
has changed friendship groups
is avoiding particular people or places, like a friend’s house or a sports group
is avoiding activities or events that they previously enjoyed, or asks questions like ‘Do I have to go to music today?’
is doing less well at school.

Physical signs
You might notice your child has:

swelling or redness in the genital area
pain when going to the toilet
difficulty walking or sitting
bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like burning while going to the toilet
symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina
missed a period.

Sometimes there might not be any signs or the signs might be very subtle, but your child might ask you some unusual questions. For example, ‘Is it OK to keep secrets?’, ‘Is it OK for Mr Z to do weird things?’ or ‘Is it OK to do things if Mr Y says they’ll give me a packet of footy cards?’ And sometimes someone might tell you that they’ve noticed something or that your child has said something to them.

How to respond if autistic children or teenagers have been sexually abused

If you think or know that your autistic child has been sexually abused, it’s natural to feel anger, shock or worry. But you’ll need to put your feelings aside for a time so you can help your child feel safe and able to tell you in their own way about what has happened.

To help with this, you can do some of the things you’d do when any child tells you they’ve been sexually abused. These include:

staying calm
letting your child talk or use their preferred way of communicating
believing your child
letting your child know it isn’t their fault
telling your child that some people are very skilled at tricking other people
being available when your child wants to share information with you.

Your child’s communication difficulties might make it harder to find out what has happened and how your child feels about it. You might be able to encourage your child to describe their feelings by saying things like ‘Tell me about where you feel funny/sore/upset’ or ‘When did you feel funny/sore/upset?’

If your child doesn’t use language, you could encourage them to draw or act out feelings.

It’s important for your child to tell the story in their own way and at their own pace. Just listen, and try not to ask too many questions. Too many questions can stop a child from telling you their story and might create problems for future legal procedures.

Help and support for children who have been sexually abused

Children who have experienced sexual abuse can and do heal if they get support and psychological help.

To help with this, you can do the same things you’d do to help and support any child who has been sexually abused. These include:

getting professional help for your child
supporting your child in your everyday family life at home.

Professional support
The first step is to visit your GP to ask for a referral to a psychologist for your child. It’s a good idea to book a longer consultation time.

You can ask your GP for help to find the right psychologist for your child. You might want to look for someone who:

specialises in working with autistic children
has experience in working with children who have experienced child sexual abuse.

Family support
There are things you can do in your everyday family life at home to support and help your child:

Stick with regular routines for mealtimes, bedtimes, and school, kindergarten or preschool.
Spend time together as a family and with people your child likes and trusts. For example, play family board games, go for walks, watch TV together and so on.
Show affection in the way that your child prefers. For example, your child might prefer a high five or fist bump rather than a hug or kiss.
Use ‘feelings’ pictures or cards to help your child express feelings. Picture books about feelings can also help.
Be available in case your child wants to share more or needs you around to feel safe.

There will be good and bad days. Keep giving your child as much support as you can, even on the bad days. If you’re not sure how to support your child, check in with your child’s psychologist or your counsellor. Together you can work out how to respond.

Reporting child sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse is always a crime.

If you think that your child has been abused or if you think there’s an immediate risk of abuse, you should report it.

Call the police on 000.

You might not be sure whether your child has been sexually abused, but you think something has happened. It’s still important to seek advice from professionals as soon as possible. You can talk to police, child protection officers, psychologists and doctors. These people are trained in recognising child sexual abuse and relating to children who have or might have experienced it. And they can give you advice on what steps to take next.

Start by contacting the National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service for advice on 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732.

If you find physical signs that you suspect are child sexual abuse, it’s important to get your child examined as soon as possible by a medical professional, preferably someone with experience in child sexual abuse. The police or counselling service can help you with this.

It’s a good idea to make notes about what has happened so that you can give accurate details to the police. Your notes could include:

what your child has told you
what changes you’ve noticed about your child’s behaviour
what you’ve seen happening between your child and the person your child says has done the abuse
anything else you’ve noticed about that person’s behaviour.