What is self-regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your:

• behaviour
• reactions to your own emotions
• reactions to what’s happening around you.

Self-regulation includes 3 broad areas:

• Cognitive self-regulation – this is being able to plan tasks, focus on tasks, pay attention and solve problems.
• Behavioural self-regulation – this is being aware of your actions and impulses and managing them so you can behave in positive ways and match your behaviour to situations.
• Emotional self-regulation – this is tuning in to your emotions and managing them so you can react appropriately to how you’re feeling and what’s happening around you.

Children and teenagers with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can have difficulties with all 3 areas of self-regulation. If your child has ADHD, there are self-regulation strategies that they can use to develop their skills in this area.

Why is self-regulation important for children and teenagers with ADHD?

If your child has ADHD, self-regulation is important for their learning, behaviour, relationships and development, as well as many other parts of their life.

For example, self-regulation makes it easier for your child to:

• stay focused, sit still, listen and learn in the classroom
• wait for their turn in games or be quiet while someone speaks
• share toys and work with others in groups
• get along with others and make friends
• go out by themselves for socialising, study or work as they get older
• do things like get a casual job or learn to drive.

How to help your child with ADHD develop self-regulation

Your child with ADHD is likely to need support to develop self-regulation.

The first step is helping your child learn to identify and understand how they’re feeling physically, mentally and emotionally. This involves helping your child learn to be aware of their:

• body – noticing, understanding and naming body cues like hunger, thirst, tiredness, energy levels and boredom
• feelings – recognising and naming emotions like happiness, excitement, anger, frustration and jealousy.

You can help your child to develop these skills by:

• asking them questions about how they feel – for example, ‘How does it feel in your body?’ or ‘What are you thinking?’
• linking feelings to their behaviour – for example, ‘You look a bit tired. Is that how you feel?’ or ‘I see that you’re wriggling. Do you feel like you need to move a bit?’
• saying how you feel – for example, ‘My tummy’s rumbling. I must be hungry’.

The better your child is at noticing and understanding how they’re feeling physically, mentally and emotionally, the more independently they can regulate themselves to match the situation.

If your child hasn’t yet fully developed these skills, you can help them to use self-regulation strategies.

Cognitive self-regulation strategies

Planning tasks, focusing on tasks, paying attention and solving problems are important parts of cognitive self-regulation.

The following self-regulation strategies can help your child with ADHD in these areas.

Get organised
If your child has a complex task or a long list of things to do, it can help if they start with the most difficult or challenging step or task. This means your child does the challenging tasks when they’re thinking clearly. It will also give them a feeling of success when they finish something difficult, which can motivate them to keep going.

Use timers
Timers can help your child focus on tasks for longer:

• Start with a short timer – for example, 2-5 minutes.
• Stay with your child to prompt them if they drift off task.
• When the timer goes off, take a break and do something fun.
• Gradually increase the length of the timer.
• Try a visual timer. This can be helpful for younger children in particular.

Take breaks
Regular breaks can help your child work through long or complex tasks like homework or chores:

• Aim for short breaks – 5 minutes for younger children, and 10-15 minutes for teenagers.
• Encourage your child to do something physical during the break, like playing outside, stretching or taking a walk.

Minimise distractions
Fewer distractions will mean your child is better able to focus on tasks. Here are ways to minimise distractions:

• Switch off the radio or TV.
• Ask younger siblings to play somewhere else.
• Suggest your child gives you their mobile phone if they don’t need it for study.

Be a role model
This can help your child understand how to focus on completing a task:

• Talk your child through your thought process. For example, ‘First, I’ll start with …. Next, I’ll…’.
• Use a visual or written checklist to work through the task.
• Give your child a copy of the checklist.

Many children and teenagers with ADHD regulate their attention by moving – for example, wiggling, fidgeting, standing or moving around. If your child is doing this, it’s often a sign they’re already regulating themselves to do a task.

Behavioural self-regulation strategies

Children often know how to behave in positive ways, but they can find it challenging to behave in these ways ‘in the moment’.

Here are self-regulation strategies to try with your child. You can also encourage your child to use these strategies independently.

Try ‘stop, think, do, review’
Encourage your child to work through these steps:

• Stop before doing something.
• Think of a plan.
• Complete or do the plan.
• Pause to review how it went.

Write or draw
If your child finds it hard to wait for things, like an answer or a fun activity, encourage them to write down or draw what they want.

Often, children find it difficult to wait because they’re worried they’ll forget to ask their question or tell you their story, or they’ll miss out on something fun.

Emotional self-regulation strategies

Emotional regulation involves your child managing how they respond to their feelings, situations or events. You can work with your child to help them understand what works best for them. This might include things like:

• doing relaxation exercises
• going for a walk
• taking a break.

You can find more emotional self-regulation strategies in our article on ADHD and emotions.

Getting help for self-regulation for your child

If you have concerns about your child’s self-regulation skills, it’s a good idea to seek professional help.

A good first step is talking with your child’s GP, occupational therapist, paediatrician or psychologist.