Neurodivergent masking in children & teens

What is masking?

Masking is when people change how they behave to fit in or to meet other people’s expectations. These changes in behaviour might be conscious or unconscious.

Most people mask sometimes. This includes neurotypical and neurodivergent people.

Masking is also called camouflaging.

Why do children and teenagers mask?

Children and teenagers might mask to:

fit in, form friendships, feel accepted within peer groups or get through social situations
avoid bullying, teasing or social exclusion
meet spoken or unspoken expectations about behaviour from parents, teachers or coaches
minimise or avoid conflict, confrontations or criticism.

Why and how do neurodivergent children and teenagers mask?

Neurodivergent children and teenagers might mask to seem more neurotypical.

They might mask more frequently than neurotypical children and teenagers, and it might take more effort.

For example, neurodivergent children and teenagers might mask by:

changing their speech patterns or tone to mimic peers
making eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable
suppressing or hiding tics, like masking a noise tic by clearing their throat
hiding hand-flapping, rocking or other stimming
holding in reactions to overwhelming sensory information
not discussing or sharing special interests
working hard to have conversations
not asking for or accessing the support they need.

It’s important for neurodivergent children and teenagers to build skills and navigate social settings in ways that feel natural to them. When they do this, they can be themselves, which can help them develop meaningful connections with other people.

How does masking affect neurodivergent people?

We don’t know enough about the experiences of neurodivergent children and teenagers who mask to understand how masking affects them.

But neurodivergent adults say that masking can have benefits. For example, masking can help them to fit in with a social group.

They also say that masking has negative effects. These can include the following:

Exhaustion and burnout – hiding or changing behaviour can be physically and emotionally draining.
Mental health problems – masking has been linked with higher rates of anxiety, depression and feelings of isolation.
Meltdowns – hiding emotions and behaviour is hard work, and people might have emotional outbursts as a result. For example, they might have meltdowns when they get home from school or work. Or they might just withdraw.
Identity and self-esteem problems – over time, masking can affect people’s sense of who they are.
Social difficulties – masking can prevent people from building meaningful relationships, because they might feel they can’t be themselves around other people.
Physical problems – if masking causes people stress, they might have physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches or heightened sensory sensitivities.

The relationship between masking and mental health is complicated. Some research suggests mental health problems, particularly anxiety, might be both a motivation for and also a consequence of masking for neurodivergent teenagers.

How to know if your neurodivergent child is masking

Your neurodivergent child might be more likely to mask away from home – for example, at school or during social activities. This means it can be hard for you to know whether your child is masking.

Here are signs that your child is masking at school or in other settings:

Your child has emotional outbursts or withdraws at home but not at school.
Teachers or coaches describe your child differently from what you see at home.
Your child seems unusually tired or stressed after social activities.

If you think your child is masking, it’s a good idea to try to find out more. You can do this by speaking with teachers, coaches or other trusted adults.

For neurodivergent children and teenagers, masking could lead to delayed diagnosis or misdiagnosis. Professionals might overlook or miss neurodivergence in children and teenagers who use a lot of masking. This means it might take longer for children and teenagers to get support if they need it.

What to do if your neurodivergent child is masking

If your neurodivergent child is masking and it’s negatively affecting them, they might need understanding and support.

These strategies can help:

Create environments where your child feels safe and comfortable being themselves. For example, reassure your child they can stim at home without judgment.
Help your child manage exhaustion and stress by encouraging them to schedule regular breaks and relax after social activities.
Let your child have downtime after school or other high-stress activities. This will help your child to process their day and recharge.
Try not to expect your child to behave in ways that feel unnatural for them.
Encourage your child to embrace their unique traits and interests and be proud of their neurodivergent identity.
If your child wants to stop or reduce masking, help them to practise being themselves in safe, supportive environments. Role-playing scenarios or working with a therapist can help your child build self-confidence.
Work with your child’s school, sporting clubs and other organisations to ensure they meet your child’s needs. For example, you could advocate for sensory-friendly classrooms or flexible participation rules to reduce your child’s need for masking.

By making changes to social, physical and educational environments, schools, clubs and communities can embrace neurodiversity and reduce your child’s need for masking. You can be an advocate for the changes your child needs at school, sports clubs and so on.

When to seek professional support for masking

If masking is affecting your child’s wellbeing, a good first step is to speak to your child’s GP or psychologist or another health professional who works with your child. They can help you work out what your child needs.