Parenting as a drug user

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Profile 
At a glance
The challenges
For further help

Profile

Geoff smokes marijuana almost every day. He is a single parent aged 32 and his daughter Bella is 7. Geoff lives in Lismore, New South Wales.

Geoff
‘I am a regular marijuana smoker and I have been since I was 14. I used to smoke much more, but since having Bella, I smoke much less. I smoke pretty much everyday. I’d have one or two joints a night, in the same way that other people have a drink at the end of the day to unwind. Because I’ve always smoked, it has become part of my life and being stoned is a state of mind that I’m familiar with so I’m used to dealing with my head and the space that you go into.

‘I do smoke around Bella, but she doesn’t understand what I’m smoking. She gets mad at me for smoking because they are taught that smoking is bad at school. But she doesn’t know that there is something else in the cigarette. Smoking pot has made me addicted to tobacco, so she’s onto something there.

‘These days Bella spends most of the week with her mother and weekends with me, but she spent a lot more time with me when she was younger. When I had her more often I found it much harder, being completely responsible for this little person, trying to work and pay off a mortgage and deal with the relationship with her mother.

‘If anything, I think that smoking helps me be a better parent at times. But sometimes not if I’m grumpy. We all have bad moods. What it does is help me to switch off the stresses of life and get into a headspace removed from my own problems. I can get pretty consumed with the pressures of life and being a single dad isn’t easy in any way. Smoking puts me in a perspective that helps me to emotionally connect with Bella in a way that I find difficult otherwise. She is a very full-on child, very demanding and bright and she needs that direct one-on-one communication.

‘If I could do it again, I’d prefer not to smoke as much. Where we live, smoking is very common and a lot of parents do it. I think there are dysfunctional parents around and being a parent depends on the person’s ability to deal with their life and their issues, regardless of whether they smoke pot or not.’

At a glance

• Research in 2001 found that 9% of Australian men and women consistently drank enough alchohol to be harmful (i.e. in excess of NHMRC guidelines for harm from the chronic, long-term effects of alcohol). In 2004, about a third of Australians over 14 drank enough in one sitting to risk serious harm.
• Research in 2004 found that over 11% of adults had used marijuana in the previous 12 months and over 33% had used it at some time in their lives. 
• Parents who use drugs or alcohol do not necessarily do a bad job of caring for their children; however, problem use of drugs or alcohol can lead to detrimental effects on child growth and development.
• Children raised in homes where parents are regularly taking drugs are more likely to have problems with brain development and learning, and difficulties with emotional control, behaviour and social adjustment.
• Children of substance-abusing parents are at greater risk of child abuse and neglect, and less likely to be well looked after.
• Children whose parents use drugs are more likely to use drugs when they grow up – usually the same drugs that their parents use.
• In around half of the cases of child abuse or neglect reported in Australia, alcohol or substance misuse is a factor.

The challenges

People take drugs for many different reasons (drugs can refer to alcohol, prescription drugs or illegal drugs). Some people use drugs and alcohol in social situations to have a good time or to relax and unwind. Other people use drugs to deal with unhappiness, problems with self-esteem or to cover up feelings of guilt or shame. Some live in circumstances where drugs are part of their immediate culture, such as in areas of poverty where drug misuse is higher or in parts of the country that embrace ‘alternative’ culture.

Taking drugs can affect the way you do things and the way you think. Many people take drugs for their positive effects. However, drugs can also seriously affect your health and relationships. Depending on the drug, the amount used and the context of use, drugs can make you become anxious and upset, lose coordination, become aggressive or forgetful or lose awareness of what is happening around you; others are performance enhancing. Because drugs can also affect your ability to react and your accuracy in doing things, it is much easier to have an accident when you are doing things such as driving a car or even cooking over a hot stove.

Because of the effects of drugs, a parent’s ability to care for their child can be compromised.

But using drugs can negatively affect your ability to parent, and in some cases can also directly affect your child. When parental drug use harms the child in some way, then it becomes a problem. Sometimes when parents take drugs, the effects can have lasting impacts on the child’s development and behaviour. You might drive when intoxicated, forget about care the children need, or let them see distressing mood swings or behaviour. The child might miss out on breakfast or lunch because you can't get up.

Smoking parents might expose their children to second-hand smoke, and studies have linked parental smoking – even when the children are nowhere near the smoke – to SIDS. Taking drugs while pregnant can harm the unborn child’s health and behaviour. Most drugs - including alcohol and tobacco - cross the placenta and can cause fetal distress, abnormalities, miscarriage, premature labour, low birth weight and developmental delays.

Parents who use drugs heavily might also not be as involved in a child's daily life as they ordinarily would be. This might mean missing your children's important events, like school concerts and parties. Children might feel uncomfortable having friends over, which can make it harder for them to learn social skills.

Dealing with drug addictions
Overcoming a drug addiction is a difficult process. If you decide to do it, it can take years. In the process of recovery, a user must go through several stages, including dealing with the often uncomfortable physical symptoms of drug withdrawal, learning other ways of coping with life's ups and downs, and the possibility of relapse. Of course, the level of symptoms and difficulty will depend on the drug and how strong the addiction is. If you decide to give up any drugs you're addicted to, you will need support, counselling and, depending on the severity of addiction, time in residential rehabilitation.

Supporting a parent with an addiction
Friends and other family members can help parents with a drug addiction in the following ways.

• There is a very good chance that a parent feels bad about their issues with drugs – providing support rather than judgement or criticism is vital, as criticising someone in this position may only result in them feeling worse and becoming defensive. However, it is also important to look after yourself and be clear about what you are and are not prepared to do.
  
• People using drugs are responsible for their own actions and only they can decide when to stop. The best way to help is by encouraging small efforts. Ask your friend or family member about how they’d like help once they show signs of wanting to deal with their addiction.
  
• Familiarise yourself with the drug and its effects. Understanding how it works and why people become addicted will help you to understand what your friend or family member is experiencing.
  
• Support the parent’s children when you can by spending time with them and filling in where the parent may be missing out. Talk to them about the parent’s problem and make sure they understand that they are not the cause of their parent’s behaviour. Try to balance supporting the parent with making sure children are safe from harm or abuse.
  
• Listen and talk to your friend or family member and don’t push them into talking about the issue. When they do talk about it, try to find out what the underlying issues are.
  
• If money is short, offer to help with bill payments or groceries, rather than providing cash.
• For information and help, see Family Drug Support

For further help

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