What is self-identity?
Your self-identity is your sense of who you are and what your values are.
Developing self-identity is an important part of adolescence for all teenagers.
Teenage self-identity is influenced by many things, including peers, family, media and culture.
How does autism affect self-identity for teens?
Self-identity can be challenging for autistic teenagers.
This is partly because autistic teenagers might become more aware that they’re different from their peers. They might be unsure of how to fit in or feel they have to mask to fit in. Or they just might not be interested in their peers.
Autistic teenagers might also have trouble recognising and managing emotions – their own and other people’s. This can make it hard for them to work out how they feel about themselves and things in the world around them.
And then there are the usual adolescent ups and downs. These ups and downs happen for many reasons – physical, emotional, social and psychological – and not for any one reason in particular. They can be confusing for autistic teenagers.
Also, the challenges that autistic teenagers face can sometimes become the centre of attention. This can make it hard for autistic teenagers to see themselves as valuable people with skills and strengths.
How to help your autistic teen develop a positive self-identity
Your autistic child will probably need your support to build their self-identity. Building a positive self-identity is important for your child because it also helps with your child’s self-esteem and self-confidence.
Here are practical ideas that can help.
Talk about diversity
You can talk with your child about how everyone has strengths, interests and challenges, which is what makes us interesting. This can help your child see themselves as valuable and worthwhile.
You can also help your child understand that people can look, speak, think or act differently from each other – and this is OK.
You could turn these ideas about diversity into a social story. The professionals working with your child will be able to help.
It might also be good to share books on positive autistic self-identity with your child. For example:
- Different, not less by Chloe Hayden
- The awesome autistic go-to guide: A practical handbook for autistic teens and tweens by Yenn Purkis.
Connect with peers
If your child joins an activity that they enjoy, like a sports club or a band, this can help them build a better sense of what they’re good at, what they enjoy and where they fit in.
Getting involved with other autistic teenagers can help your child to understand more about autism and how it’s part of people’s identities. An understanding peer group can be a safe place for your child to share experiences. Your state autism association or local council can help you find a local group.
Think about ‘me’
You can encourage your child to think about:
- their interests and values
- their personality – for example, whether they’re generous, artistic, polite and so on
- the words they’d use to describe themselves to others.
One way to get your child thinking about themselves is to help your child create an ‘All about me’ book. This might include:
- pictures of things your child likes
- pictures of friends
- pictures or samples of their hobbies
- drawings or craft creations from when they were younger
- school reports and other reminders of past and current achievements and successes
- pictures or examples of things they need support with.
When your child comes up with a list of words to describe themselves, these can go into their book too. If your child has siblings or extended family members of similar age, your child might like to do this with them.
Think about family
Your child’s self-identity also comes from knowing about their family. You could show your child things like family photographs and include these in their ‘All about me’ book too.
It might also help your child to hear about your experiences of growing up and going through the teenage years, especially if your child doesn’t have a lot of support from peers and friends.
Looking after yourself with healthy food, regular exercise and enough rest is good for you. And when you're well and healthy, it helps your autistic child grow and thrive. If your feelings about your child’s autism are sometimes challenging, it might help to know there are positive ways to manage them. Getting support from your local community can often be a big help too.