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Forum Newbie
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 8/05/2012 12:41:16 AM
Posts: 1,
Visits: 2
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| My 6 year old son has always been quite clingy. Me and his father separated when he was 1. He had visits with his dad up until 2010 when his grandmother on his dads side decided to kidnap him. After 3 months of court i won full custody and he now sees his dad during holidays and talks on the phone most days. With my new partner we have a 8 month old baby girl. My son loves his sister, he loves playing with her and making her laugh. In the last year we have moved house, had the baby, been in a psych ward which resulted in him staying with his sister at my mums for 5 weeks. The problem Ive been noticing is he is constantly complaining about school, never leaving my side even if im in the bathroom or toilet, thinking theres scary things outside, not playing by himself, being really sensitive about everything and just not really seeming like a happy kid. He sleeps with me most nights saying he just wants to cuddle with me. I tend to not put him back to bed as he really does seem upset. Dont know what to do anymore as its really upsetting to see him like this. Usually hes a really happy boy who loves everyone and everything???????
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 22/05/2012 10:11:01 PM
Posts: 11,
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I would try and pin point when this behaviour started and see if a certain event or incident lead to change in his behaviour. Any certain places that he wants to avoid, certain people, any nightmares? change in eating habits? etc.
Have you sat down and tries to talk to him about this? Let him know that he can tell you anything, talk about feelings and try to understand what makes him feel unsafe anywhere or with anyone but yourself.
_______________________________________________________Check out my blog www.cagedbutterflies.blogspot.com
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Forum Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 23/11/2012 2:15:53 AM
Posts: 36,
Visits: 76
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| This must be so difficult for you, I feel sad for him just reading what you have said, and I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Maybe it would be worth speaking to a child psychologist about it? It might be really helpful for you to hear the perspective of someone who is trained in kids' behaviours and what they mean, and it might give you some insight to how he's feeling as well as some ways to help him through it. It sounds like your family has really been through the wringer; with having been taken away from you before, maybe he is scared it will happen again, or maybe he simply remembers how that felt for him. It's hard to know sometimes the way children process things. My older son was like this at around the age of 4; clingy, and serious, didn't smile much and just didn't seem like his previous happy self at all. I didn't figure it out until we heard an ambulance one day and he started screaming, holding on to me so tightly and begging me to stay with him. Then I understood. My younger one has a medical condition which has required frequent hospitalisation, he's gone by ambulance a number of times. In those emergency situations I've had to drop everything, including my older boy - family have looked after him at times when my husband and I both need to be with the younger one. He seemed to take it in stride at the time but it was only then I realised that it actually affected him quite deeply. Since then we've included him more in the process, explaining to him what's wrong with his brother and why we need to go to the hospital sometimes. When he's been left with family we make sure we call just to talk to him, and tell him what's going on (whereas previously we'd wanted to shelter him). We also make sure that there are positive aspects for him, a special outing just with Dad or something along those lines. He loves his brother dearly and the two of them are inseparable, but he is a kid who really benefits from one-on-one time, and understanding this about him really helped us to understand what makes him feel loved. Of course to him it looked like we were spending a lot of time with his brother and not with him. It hasn't been a problem since, we now have our happy boy again. It is different to your situation, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it can be hard to figure out what's going on, things that you don't think affect them sometimes really do and it's so difficult to know when they can't tell you. It can be anything, and so often not what you would expect. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon, and get your happy boy back.
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 16/08/2012 1:54:52 PM
Posts: 13,
Visits: 10
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Hi there,
This could be partly developmental, but it sounds like there has been a lot of change in your son's life and some important people in his life are not currently around for him, he may be worried that you might leave him too. He sounds like he is struggling with separation anxiety, which all kids have, but it is worse after upheavals such as divorce, death or moving house. Lots of reassurance and cuddles and talk to him about what he is worried about. Reassure him that you aren't going any where and try to avoid getting frustrated with him - it's easy to find this behaviour draining but frustration makes the anxiety worse. At the same time, stick to lots of routines which will give him a better sense of security (eg same bed time routines). Hope this helps, good luck with that.
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