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Posted 24/03/2012 2:31:22 PM
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Any advice offered would be great. I am a single mother of 3 kids who have no respect for me and don't listen to a word I say. The father is o/s and provides little support although he would love to I am sure....
I have no support I am with these children besides when they are at school or daycare, which is 6 hours a day. I am heading for serious depression and am over yelling and screaming my children. I have tried time out, i have tried smacking, only smack once, I have tried removing things, items, activities.
I don't know what to do.. Please any advice will be taken on board.
Thanks
Post #67015
Posted 28/03/2012 4:14:51 PM
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Try remembering that it isn't easy being a single parent. I don't know about you but I think people, and that includes children, generally get along better with each other when they are happy. So maybe find things you want to do for yourself and give both yourself and the kids a break. It works ...
Post #67066
Posted 20/04/2012 10:37:08 PM
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How old are your kids Beckmo? It makes a huge difference for advice.

If they are young enough, I'd definitely say counselling. I'd say it for any age but whilst young they can be made to go, when they get a bit older it's not something you can force.

If they are teenagers, usually honesty works best. A family meeting, a dinner at Macca's, (expensive though), maybe just milkshakes or mocha's. Sometimes writing works best with kids. It's all so age dependent because I have no doubt they are also going through "stuff" with the whole dad being away, here on our own with Mum thing.

Also, separate "normal" behaviour from living in a separated household behaviour. Often we can mix those things up.

Hope you're doing ok.
Post #67365
Posted 28/04/2012 1:58:16 PM
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Alltogether (20/04/2012)
How old are your kids Beckmo? It makes a huge difference for advice.

If they are young enough, I'd definitely say counselling. I'd say it for any age but whilst young they can be made to go, when they get a bit older it's not something you can force.

If they are teenagers, usually honesty works best. A family meeting, a dinner at Macca's, (expensive though), maybe just milkshakes or mocha's. Sometimes writing works best with kids. It's all so age dependent because I have no doubt they are also going through "stuff" with the whole dad being away, here on our own with Mum thing.

Also, separate "normal" behaviour from living in a separated household behaviour. Often we can mix those things up.

Hope you're doing ok.

I agree with this comment.
Depending on their age, its hard to determine what type of behaviour management to help you with.

However in saying that, if the seperation still fresh, the children may be still requiring time to adjust and they aren't understanding what is happening, so in frustration or confusion they're acting out.

I find a reward chart does help.  Make the end of the week reward a small thing but not food related.  Could be an outing somewhere or a small toy/game they've been wanting. 

I find if you start off yelling, you have no where to go.  So start off with a calm voice, give them two choices (i love this method) and if they choose the second option (ie not doing the right behaviour) well they dont get to do what they want to do.  Using a toddler for example, if they're throwing the play dough on the ground and not playing with it properly you say to them. Ok I see you aren't playing with the play dough properly so you have two options.  YOu can choose to play with the play dough the right way or you can choose not to play with it properly.  Usually they have a quick think about it and then they'll either play with it right or not.  If they choose the 2nd option, well the play dough is taken away telling them why (you chose to not play with the playdough properly so its going away for now) and then direct the child to another thing to play with.  It can take some perserverance, but if you've given them two options, that is giving them some choice as to what they can do.  It also gives you (the parent) some control over what they can decide on. 
When you think about it, if we're told not to do something we're going to either do it or do something similar to it.  So if you give the child two choices about what they want to do, well its not telling them what to do.

Good luck!

Post #67464
Posted 17/05/2012 10:48:16 PM
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depends on their age. Try not show them how tired you are. Show them that you love them. The one who said that people get along better when they are happy is right. you need to teach them to agree with you when it makes them happier and then you'll come to teaching them more smoothly when they don't like what you try to teach them
Post #67635
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