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RESPITE Expand / Collapse
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Posted 3/12/2011 8:50:25 AM
Supreme Being

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Has anyone got any suggestions
Post #64931
Posted 3/12/2011 12:31:25 PM
Supreme Being

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Sorry pressed the wrong button AGAIN     For those that don't know me WE have been very lucky with our boy He is not into booze or drugs. does not go out wandering the streets and is extremely honest and trustworthy   My problem is that he is now growing into a young man whose only wish is to be at home with us which is all very flattering but not good for his sociallising development. He is also very strong willed and refuses to obey direction to the point of bullying. I am not a small guy and certainly physically and mentally stronger than him at this stage but things have got to the stage I feel we need a small break from each other We have never asked for or needed respite before as his previous respite experiences were quite bitter memories . Our NGO has a respite carer available but my problem is how do I persuade him to go without him feeling that it is some sort of punishment and it all develops into a big meltdown . What do we do if he refuses to leave the house Backdown would be disastorous whilst physical eviction would not be good for him either ???    Any suggestions???
Post #64940
Posted 12/12/2011 8:06:57 PM


Supreme Being

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Hey Frank, God love it all.  We as parents never have a dull moment. 

What jumps to mind is I keep asking my husband for a holiday for one.  Yep just me, nobody saying mum and no responsibility just for one weekend.  This I feel would be for me a quiet break of solitude and refreshment.  I am not wanting to escape any issues but think it would be nice. 

I gave my husband a weekend away with mates not last birthday but the one before and he loved it.  They went to the Gold Coast drank coffee and went out for dinner, relaxed.  They are a down to earth bunch of 4 guys and had a great time.  He then organized this again with the same mates this year and attended the GC Indy or whatever they call it.  Our kids didn't cope the first time and this time coped better.  Dad called both nights to say good night etc and this time could see this was Dads time with friends.

Now after explaining all that, here is my idea.  You or your partner have the first week end away to set the tone and see how it goes and then explain to your son that he will also get a turn.  Then the other goes away and each time is a special time for your son with each parent that he is with.  It would be small steps over weeks but selling the idea may just work.  Especially if the respite carer is chosen wisely so that some really fun stuff is done for your son so that it is a bit special.

I am working on a program with my daughter for anxiety and we both have learned to take small steps to get to where we want to be in the future.  We have applied this to a lot of areas and it is working really well.

All the best Frank. 

Zeeta 27 NSW

Post #65182
Posted 13/12/2011 7:39:31 AM
Supreme Being

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Hi Zeeta 27

    Thanks for your reply   Your idea is really a great one but we had our first respite session this last weekend,now I need a week off to recover from the trauma of it all We sat down and discussed the need to have a break from each other to recharge our batteries and I think he understood but at the last minute got cold feet about it all. I had packed his essential clothes etc but after asking him to him to pick out his good going out stuff the trauma started The result was a screaming match and his going without any extra clothes playstation ipod etc Once in the car he turned back to his idealic self and I think had a really nice weekend .It was sure quiet around here!!! Back home he talked non stop for a good hour and then went and shut himself in his room until well after dinner time .but he slept with his door open all night (which he normally never does) I cancelled his weekend job so the careers didn't have that worry which helped him to accept the respite deal

    I wonder what goes around inside his Head??????

Post #65192
Posted 13/12/2011 8:55:35 AM


Supreme Being

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Last Login: 14/04/2014 10:25:47 AM
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Morning Frank.  Please don't stop too long on wondering what goes on in his head.  Although this is a good thing to do, I also do my head in trying to work out what is in my sons head.  I have come to the conclusion that I never will truly know what goes on in the brain of someone with autism. 

My darling husband tells me I spend too much time analyzing and predicting and anticipating what next.  The curve balls just keep coming. 

I guess hearing from you gives me insight to what it may look like in years to come when our son gets to you sons age. 

We tried respite once and it was not worth the weeks of trauma following and that was just having an hour with the carer.  Our kids were 4 and 5 at the time and we did not know what to do without them.  The house was scary quiet. 

Anyway instead of having respite in the formal way, what about a sleep over with a friend and it being the same friend.  Of course that family would have to be approved.  I don't know of anything else at this point. 

I do get the trauma of it all. 

We are counting down the days for school.  Our kids have had enough.  Our son is off for allergy tests today and he is in a bad mood and I can't work it out.  He is not stressed out about the tests.  He is a challenge today.  I do wish I could have a screen on top of his head that showed me his thoughts.  He has trouble expressing them.

Have a great day Frank.

Zeeta 27 NSW

Post #65193
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