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Teenages and Facebook Expand / Collapse
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Posted 16/05/2011 11:18:15 AM
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Hello

This is my first time posting here, but I am a dead end on what to do. I am a step-Mum to a 12 year old girl and a 10 year old boy and I have a 10 year old daughter myself, we have been a blended family for nearly 6 years and it has worked, but my 12 year old step daughter wont stay away from facebook, we let her have facebook(before the 13 years of age rule came in), we stipulated that there was to be friends and friends only, we linked our email accounts with hers so we could monitor it, then we found out there was friends of friends and also 17 year old boys on her friends list, so we made her delete the account and said she wasn't allowed on it as she broke the rules.

 Then 5 days later at her Mum's house she made a new facebook up her mum found out told us so both households set punishments and explained why and that facebook was deleted, then on the weekend we found her hiding in her room on her Itouch on facebook, I as a step-mum don't know what to do, I have no idea how to react with her lying.

If someone could help me that would be great

Thanks Jussy

Post #56531
Posted 17/05/2011 3:11:58 PM
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We are having similar issues with our son who thinks its OK if his stepbrother at his dad's house write obscene messages on his wall. You are lucky that both houses are in agreement about the issue. My ex and his partner think that that behaviour is fine.
Keep strong. They really do not know the pitfalls of this new social media.
With some computers (macs & windows 7 I think) you can block social network sites. I would try that avenue.
Good Luck
Post #56575
Posted 18/05/2011 7:43:00 PM
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As i am younger than both of you at only 14, having joined social networking sites at the age of 10, i would like to shed a new light on what your both discussing here. Your daughter/step-daughter is influenced by her peer group i believe alot more than you and your partner. You have to understand that she has got to the age now where you can't exactly make her do things, and she will start becoming resistant to pleasing you and putting your opinion before hers. i know girls that are in a far worse than situation your child because of facebook, Accepting peoples as ' friends '  that they have never heard of that end up being dodgy. But they learn from those experiences. This child has made a facebook, you set rules and she didnt follow them. give her another chance, monitor her carefully if you don't believe you can trust her with using her common sense. just as long as you know you cant protect them from these things forever and the internet is something that children are getting introduced to at a very younge age these days. Try educating her more, making her understand, set rules, and occasionally watch what she's doing. But not seeing it from her point of view, making her different from her friends, and showing your lack of trust, i believe with only make her rebel further.
Post #56632
Posted 19/05/2011 12:22:21 PM
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Wow!! You are a very wise 14 year old,Thanks

we did all that gave her a second chance, explained the rules monitored her on there,and she still went behind our backs,you also have to remember something us as parents just want to protect our kids and teach them whats right and whats wrong, we fully understand that this is how kids communicate these days, but we want her to understand that lying and sneaking around is not the the way to go.

Post #56664
Posted 25/05/2011 9:07:49 PM
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Hi,

I also have a 13 yr old girl who LOVES facebook. We have a strict one hour per evening limit. The internet router access limit is a great idea if they cannot abide by the rules. I am also a "friend" of my daughter on facebook and she knows I look at her page regularly, this seems to prevent foul language etc, as she knows i will ban FB if there is innappropriate content. I recently attended a cybersafety workshop and the ONLY way to have any influence over this, is to have all access in a family space...no bedroom access, to have access to the child's facebook page and check it regularly and have strict time limits. You can also set friend number limits, so they stick to REAL friends only. It is a constant battle, but one that is worth perservering with.

Post #57020
Posted 1/06/2011 1:04:27 PM
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Hi there

We too have similar issues with miss 15.

I accidentally came across some messages and pictures from Facebook and other similar social networking sites that were inappropriate and illegal. The police have those peoples details now!

On FB she had over 500 "friends" so one day we made her delete all the people that we didnt know or hadnt met. This took it down to under 100 friends, all of whom are family and school friends that we have heard about, have spoken to on the phone or have personally met. We "audit" her friend list every month and it has turned out to be a real bonding one on one session that she has with her mother.

We have a rule now where there is no computer or phone after 8:30 PM during the school week and 9:30 on weekends and school holidays. She was sneaking onto the computer and phone till all hours of the night/morning and was a very grumpy tired teenager in the mornings. We ended up hiding all the phones and keeping one in our room next to our bed so we knew where it was at all times. We also removed the cord to the computer monitor so she couldnt get onto the internet during the night as this computer savvy teen was undoing all our security blocks etc that we had put into place to protect her.

Since we have deleted friends that we dont know and imposed some limitations to her access to the internet and phone, she seems happier in herself and I truly believe that this is because she realises (even after protesting) that she is now safer and that we have demonstrated to her that we love her no matter what. I also think that it is because she is no longer exposed to the nasty bitchy bullying that goes on via the internet.

good luck with it all

Rainbowmum

Post #57385
Posted 11/06/2011 7:55:33 PM
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Hi trials and tribulation,

I have a 13 yo and same problems at home. it's like the Facebook is air for them, you take it away and it's a disaster ...

i would like to do the same thing with the limited internet access, how do you do it with the router ? can u set the Facebook account on limited times  so that she won't be able to log on outside of the permitted time ?

Post #57873
Posted 11/06/2011 7:56:06 PM
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Hi trials and tribulation,

I have a 13 yo and same problems at home. it's like the Facebook is air for them, you take it away and it's a disaster ...

i would like to do the same thing with the limited internet access, how do you do it with the router ? can u set the Facebook account on limited times  so that she won't be able to log on outside of the permitted time ?

Post #57874
Posted 28/10/2011 10:08:45 AM


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peachebell (18/05/2011)
i know girls that are in a far worse than situation your child because of facebook, Accepting peoples as ' friends '  that they have never heard of that end up being dodgy. But they learn from those experiences.

hey peachebell...

first of all let me just say i agree with the rest of your post. i once heard an analogy that kids are like springs,in that if you put enough pressure on it and then let it have too much freedom, its going to spring out of control. so we as parents do need to relinquish a bit of control from time to time in order to teach our kids responsibility and that we still trust them.

but peachebell, as a parent, i have to say even if i knew i could trust my daughter ( she's only 2, so that remains to be seen) i still wouldnt trust the millions of paedophiles or serial killers out there on facebook who are so good at posing as friendly trustworthy people, and they do fool people. yes it can be a valuable learning curve, but tragically, some kids have been murdered or lost someone in their family due to dodgy ppl they met on facebook ( one that will haunt me forever was an 8 year old girl who was taken from her bed at night,bashed and raped, and then killed.) im sorry if i come across as a paranoid helicopter parent but the fact is, these things do happen, and if it happened to my beautiful little girl it would kill me inside, and i know any parent would feel the same.

so perhaps, peachebell, you could also see our point of view with fresh eyes, instead of evil parents who are ruining your life.

Post #64050
Posted 8/06/2012 3:14:43 PM


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Outstanding advice T&T...I'm trying that!
Post #67828
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