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Separated But still living under one roof Expand / Collapse
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Posted 9/01/2011 9:24:10 PM
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My Husband and I are separated but still living in the same house. We have 3 children ages 8,5 and 3. We have decided to stay under one roof for the kids. We are still friends even though things can get a little tense at times. We are only new to this and I am really interested in talking to anyone else who is doing this and how things work for you in regard to bills, the kids and housework etc.
I dont want to hear peoples opinions on how this wont work as I do know that it does work for some people. I dont want to hear how this is being selfish and not good for the kids. The only difference for the kids is mum and dad now have separate rooms and we have talked to the older ones about this. I see this as not being selfish, being selfish would be for me to move and take the kids in which case they would not see dad very often as I would have to move states to be near my family for support.
Would love to hear any advice anyone can offer to help me make this successful.
Thanks Heaps

Post #47691
Posted 11/01/2011 5:47:28 PM


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Hi, i know how you feel.  My husband and I have separated recently but we too live under the same roof.  We actually get on better now than we ever have and so far it is working really well for both of us.  Admittedly its early days and we have only just been recognised by centrelink as being separated - it took three months, 9 letters from professionals and an independent reviewer but it was worth it.  It means i recieve parenting payment so now i feel like things are fairer and i can pay my half of morgage, etc. 

Ive found that not many people understand at all and actually most people are extremely negative to think that you and your ex husband mite actually get on after being separated!  You would think people would think how good it is that you can remain amicable and mature about everything! 

I have a 5 year old and an almost 3 year old who has autism so I usually post in the autsim one but im really glad i saw your post.  Im glad to hear that someone else is in the same boat as me! Its so nice to hear something positive.

Katrina x

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Post #47796
Posted 16/01/2011 11:50:19 PM
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it sounds like a hard thing at first but when the two of you happens to be in that situation, the first days would be a lil bit odd but you'll get use of it..and the possibilities is just around

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Post #48130
Posted 8/03/2011 2:53:26 PM
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hi my name is dani and i know how you feel aswell, my partner are doing the same thing at the moment. i can understand why you are doing it for the kids thats the same reason why im doing it to but things like bills and housework he helps out with we thought spliting everything down the middle is fare.
Post #51996
Posted 1/05/2011 10:03:04 PM
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For me thats too hard. Living in one roof is too difficult to accept but because we always think first of our childrens, we are willing to give up everything.

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Post #55731
Posted 14/08/2011 6:49:27 PM
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How great to find your comments about being separated but still living together. My partner and I are going through this at the moment, where our personal relationship has moved apart, but we are both very devoted to our beaut kids and feel we can raise them together, without the stress and upheaval of having to move apart, sell the family home, etc.

It's quite hard to find any advice about living like this, and a lot of people reckon it's madness. But I think there should be more of it - that is, of course, if you both get on as friends, see eye to eye on your children's welfare, and can deal with the emotional aspects. We're aiming to split our financial relationship, which has been quite hard as Centrelink has rejected our first application to be "separated under one roof", but I see from the previous posts we should keep trying. I don't see why Centerlink should be so rigid about this - isn't it better for families to stay together and children to be raised by BOTH parents than to have the family unit torn asunder.

Obviously this is not for everyone, as some people should get away from their ex altogether, but if it works to build happy, confident children who will grow into happy, confident adults, then go for it.

Post #60949
Posted 30/08/2011 9:30:11 AM
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Your very lucky that you can both live under the one roof.  My husband and I would not have been able to do this, so he lives somewhere else and so do my two 13 olds.  While I look after a 15, 9, 6, they are growing up in two different houses which I find very sad for myself and the children.  Your lucky you can work it for both of you and the children.  It may not perfect for both of you, but you can all see the children grow up under one roof.     
Post #61749
Posted 18/09/2011 11:01:13 AM
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Hi everyone:

I'm new to the forum and also newly separated. We do live under the same roof, and as my ex works long hours, things aren't much different tha. When we were together except he is sleeping in another room. We have a six year old son, and I really hope thisnworks out, as I'd hate to split the family up. My ex and I were better as friends than as lovers, and it encourages me that others are discussing it on this forum and it's working. I'm scared to deathnof being on my own, even still living in the same house. After 13 years, this is so new, I'm not sure how to feel. Thanks for listening, and have a good night.
Post #62628
Posted 7/12/2011 12:49:32 AM
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I think its great if you can do this, it's less unsettling for the kids for sure. My only question is, I'm currently in the same situation but this has been a recent act. My partner and I are living in the same house due to the breakdown of our relationship over many years, and the last straw for me has been catching in an affair which he is still seeing the person. I have two children 12 yo and 6 yo currently they are unaware that we have split, they just think dad's snoring has gotten so bad I've asked him to sleep in a separate bedroom. I want to tell the kids that we have split up, but he is stalling. He's currently having his cake and eating it. I was just wondering how you all cope with the fact that your partners see other people. Is this something that is kept hush hush to protect the kids. Or are you both activitly dating. I'm not ready for the dating scene, but I would like to tell the kids.  I have no intention of telling the kids about the affair, that's something their dad can tell them when they are older and can understand. Can you give me your thoughts. On how I should handle this situtation.
Post #65018
Posted 7/02/2012 1:13:07 PM
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Hi guys, it is really great to hear you all giving it ago in some cases i believe it will work out...
However beware the tell tale signs of aggrevation and arguments. Speaking from experience; do not stay under the roof for the "kids sake" if you and your partner are uncomfortable and arguing or picking on eachother in any way that can be construed as negative. As this will effect your child relationships emotional balances with their friends and future relationships.
For example in my experience in many households their kids became emotional distant and unstable in relationships and school/work some unexpectedly even became violent.
Being miserable and unhappy under the same roof will not benefit your children in any way!! Your children can adapt and build strengths in a well communcative separation. So long as parents you can leave your differences aside and be friends around your children there after. The children do not have to to pick sides and have no favourites as long as you both will contribute to the positives and mutaul respect of your decisions to seperate. I believe in 50/50 setttlements. Everyone and everything changes, sometimes change doesnt suit everyone, it will be rocky and you all will be ok! That doesnt change the love you have for your children.
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