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Junior Member
 
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 4/08/2010 9:34:48 PM
Posts: 17,
Visits: 151
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Hi
Those of you who are grandparents... I'm just wondering how often you look after/care for/babysit your grandkids?
Like me, most of my girlfriends are mums too. They are always talking about how their parents or inlaws help out lots with their children (babysitting etc).
Our daughter is 15 months old.
I don't have parents (my dad passed away & my mother has nothing to do with me). 
My in laws live about 15mins away from us. They never offer to help out with our daughter (in particular babysitting). This is a real disappointment to me for several reasons....
1) Because I am a first time mum & it's all new to me and I could really use the help & support
2) Beacause I don't have a mum or dad of my own it would be nice if at least *someone* would help sometimes
3) Because neither my mother in law or my father in law work. Everyday they are free. But they won't help out. We have to get down on our hands and knees & beg them to babysit.
Do I have unreasonable expecftations?? What is going on here? I cannot for the life of me work out why my in laws won'thelp out.
Because all my friends keep raving about their parents and in laws always helping out it just cements my expectations that my in laws should be willing to help out sometimes.
What do you think??
How do I overcome feeling bitter & resentful towards my in laws (because they are so unwilling to help us out)???
thanks 
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Forum Guru
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 10/10/2011 9:10:29 PM
Posts: 62,
Visits: 131
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| Hi zbazba, I am a grandmother carer of my 11yr old asd grandson, who is also intellectually impaired & has selective mutism. I have 4 grandchilren from my 1 & only child, my daughter. How sad it is to hear that your in-laws are missing out on spending time with your little one. I have looked after my grandkids heaps & still do. I just can't keep up with the 2 youngest ones 3 1/2yrs & 18mths, like I used to when the eldest 2 (8yrs & 11yrs) were little, but I still do what I can when needed. Are you in-laws in good health & do you have a good relationship with them? If so it is beyond me why they wouldn't want to have time with your little girl. Maybe they feel they can't cope or wouldn't please you with their way of caring for you little girl. I love being a nana, my grandkids adore me even when I get cranky with them, & I love them all so very much. Do hope you will be able to talk to them about how you feel & that they will be there for your little one when needed, & have a great relationship with her. Love from, miss nanny (the name my asd grandson calls me)
Nola - grandparent carer to 12yr old grandson ASD, Selective Mute, II.
never a dull moment in my life 
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 22/05/2012 6:27:57 PM
Posts: 2,600,
Visits: 8,435
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Dear zbazba, Hi. I'm a mother of two little boys who have Autism, 8yrs and 5 1/2yrs. I would dearly love to have their grandparents babysit them to give us a break but it is just not possible even though they don't live far away. Too much to ask of them. They do help us out in medical situations like if either of us has hospital appts./surgery etc. But we never get a break just for 'us'. We are aware of respite options available to us as Carers, but at one time that we really needed respite it wasn't even available.
As you say you are a first-time Mum and you could use help and support, why not try contacting Playgroup Australia http://www.playgroupaustralia.com.au/ and/or see if there is a mother's group in your area?
Is there another Mum that you know you could become friends with and she could kind of mentor you?
Try not to feel bitter and resentful towards your inlaws because this could affect the relationship with your husband. Try to put yourself in their shoes, maybe they don't feel confident around babies. They're not young themelves anymore. Maybe they'll help out when your daughter is older?
Best wishes.
Queenslander.
DS 9 1/2yrs ASD, II (Movicol)
DS 7yrs HF.ASD, GDD, ADD (off Ritalin).
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Junior Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 31/03/2012 12:28:30 AM
Posts: 18,
Visits: 6
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Your in-laws may have very busy lives, I know mine are in and out of their little villa all the time with committees and games, and coffee mornings, medical appointments etc not to mention the time they spend on housework or out grocery shopping.
Talk to them perhaps, they may just have heard horror stories from friends and be unsure where their attempts to assist might lead in the future.
On the other hand, they may be planning on turning into 'grey nomads' and have a caravan on lay-buy that they look forward to touring around the country in.
Of course, it also depends on what sort of assistance you were after: occasional baby sitting, picking up after school and keeping them till you get home, Friday night date night and sleep over until you pick them up Saturday lunchtime sort of thing or just once a week so you can get all your appointments out of the way.
On a personal note, as parenting grandparents, our folks are in their 80s so we get no respite at all EVER. My parents are younger than his but live 6 hours drive away. His parents live close but I wouldn't dream of asking them to babysit, he's too much of a handful and they live lovely sheltered lives that our little cyclone could WRECK in minutes.
Talk to your husband then talk to his folks. Good luck!
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