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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 22/05/2012 6:27:57 PM
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Sometimes it's easier just to bite your lip or grit your teeth rather than answer back.
Below are just some of the comments I've had lately:-
"Why is he going to special school? He looks ok to me." (You aren't a specialist in neurological disorders - and some disabilities cannot be seen).
"He probably needs more attention." (when the little blighter has been sucking 200% out of me).
"What do you do all day?" (Hmm let's see, last time I checked I most definitely was not lying around on a chaise lounge eating chocolates all day).
"He should be toilet trained by now." (Don't you think I haven't tried for 5 YEARS?)
"How come you have a disability parking permit?" (Because our GP and dept of transport authorised it!)
"I feel sorry for you." (I don't need pity, I need help - I feel sorry for YOU!).
"You're so strong ... I couldn't do what you do." (I didn't have a choice).
"He doesn't talk because you do all the talking for him." (And this was from a male pharmacy assistant - need I say any more? My non-verbal eldest son was feeling ill and was very constipated).
"I've got free tickets to blahblahblah". (I can't go anywhere at the drop of a hat, I have to plan, plan, plan beforehand, and even then there is no guarantee that things will work out.)
"You should get some respite". (Last time I tried to get respite, the hosting family didn't want to take one of my boys because his needs were too high!!!!)
"He doesn't behave like that here" (That's because you only have 'him' for a couple of hours/week when I'm 24/7.)
"You should be doing this ... You should be doing that ... you should ... you should ... you should "... and it goes on and on and on.
What are your thoughts?
Queenslander.
DS 9 1/2yrs ASD, II (Movicol)
DS 7yrs HF.ASD, GDD, ADD (off Ritalin).
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 10:37:32 AM
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Gosh, haven't we all been there!
Life is full of people displaying their ignorance and who can't wait to pass judgment and pass on useless advice...most of which has quite a sting.
Many of these types of comments are merely cliches. People love to skim across the surface of things that they don't really understand...and offering simplistic explanations of things they encounter is their way of trying to regulate the world.
Next time someone makes a comment that raises your hackles - don't file it...throw it away.
Cheers
Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 26/07/2011 6:39:49 AM
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| We have a friend who used to always say 'óh but my boys do that' and I used to just grit my teeth. After seeing a few full blown meltdowns she no longer says it. I also have my dad who really doesn't get it. In fact he so doesn't get it we had minimal to do with him and sadly my mum, who does get it, for over two years. He had to learn the hard way to watch what he says about and to my boys. And the looks we sometimes get take a lot of control on my part to not let loose some days. But then I figure they just aren't worth it.
wife to dh dx aspergers and add.mum to ds, 12 dx aspergers and anxiety disorder mum to ds, 11 dx aspergers, adhd and anxiety disorder. mum to ds, 22 dx aspergers and doing great.
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Supreme Being
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Last Login: 13/01/2012 3:29:37 PM
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hi allycat,
i so so so get it too all the time especially the he looks fine to me comment!
i was discussing the idea that we (dh and i) were thinking of having a third child 1 lady actually said that it would be irresponsible to risk having another child as i could be on the spectrum too.
i took all my strength not to commit a violent act !!
if only we could lend them our ASD's so they could experience it for real.
Lisa with DS 6yo with Aspergers disorder/ ADHD and DD 4yo NT
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14/07/2011 6:21:11 PM
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Hi Everybody, I also have had similar comments shortly after Crystal was DX I told a friend of mine at Play group and she said "No shes not Autistic!" " look at her playing with the others" I was looking for support and all I got was Denial. What I hate the most is people talking about Crystal like she is'nt there. I was at a party and there was a couple siting outside at a table of other friends, One guy says to the other as I was carrying Crystal out " did she talk today?" his partner said "Not a word" that really hurt me and Crystal heard it too! I snapped back " She spoke to me !" Some people just don,t think. Stephanie and Crystal 4ASD 
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Supreme Being
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Last Login: 30/12/2011 2:30:57 PM
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| These people are just uneducated (I think thats a word!). Just because they cant see some physcial attribute to something then surely it can't exist!!! I was annoyed with my other half the other day. For the first time he has actually got involved with David and took him along to his first Scouts meeting, which David absolutely loved. But they had to fill in forms for the kids. He said that he put down High Functioining Autism but in brackets he put 'mild'. I just looked at him. Personally I havent ever heard of a diagnosis of Mild High Functioning Autism. When will he ever truly accept our sons diagnosis? If I was allowed to use swear words on here Id have a whole list of expletives to describe him at the moment. Although these people never see some of the hard times we have to endure, they also never get to see the sheer pleasure that we can get from some of the simpler things in life. My sons class had to do their musical item at school assembley today and it just filled my heart with joy to see my son up dancing and singing with everyone else. Well thats my rant. Better head off to school to pick my little one up from Kindy. Take care Pam
PamMum to DS(9) HFA, ADHD, DS(7) born with cleft lip/palette (repaired) Western Australia (SOR)
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 27/03/2012 2:10:44 PM
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| I was at coles the other day and at the cash register - my little boy was making a noise like hmmmmmmmmmmmmm eeeeeeeeeeeeehmmmmmmmmmmmmmm eeeeeeeee (hard to type!) and the cashier said - thats a weird noise - i said oh ok he does it all the time i dont really notice (kind of caught me on the hop) and she replied - well it is a STRANGE noise, if i was thinking clearer i would of clocked her i think, when i left i thought for all you know he is deaf or whatever - you dont say something like that - anyway just my 2 cents worth, i felt hurt buy it and totally agree - some people have no idea what you deal with everday and dont realise what they say can affect you - mind your own business i reckon!
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Supreme Being
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Last Login: 22/05/2012 6:27:57 PM
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I neglected to add this, when we saw Paed about our youngest son and discussed our reservations in having him in mainstream school next year, Paed said words to the effect "oh you wouldn't wan't him to go special school, they're not the best places". The silence was thick and heavy in the room. I had my husband with me then too. The gaff was that our eldest son attends special school and 'somebody' must have forgotten this fact.
I have every confidence in sending eldest son to special school every day. And besides, he absolutely loves going there. Sure, you get exceptional teachers, good teachers and bad teachers everywhere, but they're all different and each one brings their talents to each classroom environment.
And my late mother-in-law's elderly sister had the gall to tell me on the phone that my husband and I weren't genetically compatible. I'm glad my family isn't genetically related as hubby was only adopted by them. It made me think of the phrase of the titled movie: "Children of a lesser God".
Harriet - I'll try to consciously remember not to 'file away' the comments that the ignorant make about me and my family. Sometimes I can't help this though, this is how my brain works.
Maybe the simple act of telling about it here will release it from my head.
I have heard of people writing down the awful things in their lives on paper, then having a little burning ceremony to release it to the ether. Not a bad idea hey?
Queenslander.
DS 9 1/2yrs ASD, II (Movicol)
DS 7yrs HF.ASD, GDD, ADD (off Ritalin).
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 25/01/2012 7:36:51 AM
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| Oh allycat you hit the nail on the head with your post. Here are a few I have had to deal with: Don't let him make you think he is worse than what he really is (from Mother-in-law) He just needs a few good smacks, at least it will make you feel better (also from M-I-L) how can smacking my AS son make me feel better??? Its all an act. Does he really need them?? (from music teacher at school, when James requested earphones to cope with the noise), we decided to drop music after that episode. Stupid bloody Coles employee bailed me up and made a spectacle of myself and my children when I was in the middle of diffusing a meltdown, went straight to management and told them what I thought. I could go on but the narrow mindness of people is what annoys me, I wouldn't dream of interfering with a child who is having a meltdown, it is clearly none of my business, unless I knew the person well enough to ask if they needed help.
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Supreme Being
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 26/07/2011 6:39:49 AM
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| My dad's most recent stupid comment was around the fact that we thought we had found a little school that may have worked for our boys. When I was expressing my concerns he says oh well they have to learn to get out into the world sometime? These are kids who socialise three or four times a week and who I have worked hard with to get them comfortable with the local shopping centre as well as everything else we do with them. He really does have the attitude that they should just get on with it. And that their behaviours are due to naughtiness. And then my sister who when we last went there, had the boys asked if they could play the playstation made the comment that her son didn't play because he was outside all day playing and that basically my boys should be too. This is in 30+% in the middle of the day. Also have had her chip my middle boy when he got sick of her son refusing to share his toys and he made a cranky comment about it. Told him not to be nasty, how about the fact her son wasn't sharing toys? And dad has decided we all have to have christmas at their house this year.
wife to dh dx aspergers and add.mum to ds, 12 dx aspergers and anxiety disorder mum to ds, 11 dx aspergers, adhd and anxiety disorder. mum to ds, 22 dx aspergers and doing great.
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