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Could the readers please please help me with a problem that I have been facing for years.  My 4.5 year old dear grandson won’t eat.  Not just occasionally, but as his norm.

Now please, don’t go down the grandparents shouldn’t interfere route as “it takes a village to raise a child”.

The problem is that he has a natural, probably inherited, tendency not to eat (his dear dad was like that) but this is compounded by parents who don’t think it is important.  IF dear grandson skipped SOME meals, I would not be concerned as his other meals would be nutritious.  The problem is that his parents do not offer nutritious meals.  Fact. Breakfast comprises Choice’s worst-rated cereals or naked toast with butter and no protein (I’m a big believer in protein and veggies but the veggies are another matter); lunch is what he doesn’t eat at day care and dinner can often be naked pasta (when the rest of the family will have meat sauce, grandson is just given naked pasta as he refuses anything else).  When he was a baby to toddler and was in my care many days a week, I made him baby food from hand minced fillet steak and vegetables which he ate and mother commented on how he was heavier when she picked him up only to have him return scrawny again, and again.

I know it’s not my job to make my grandson eat. It’s not. It’s his parents/my job to give healthy foods at regular meals and snacks. It’s my grandson’s job to eat it.  The problem with this is that part 2 of the above is not satisfied.

He refuses everything: refuses meat and refuses to try anything new.  This has been going on for years.  He is very skinny and under-height.  I have read copiously on this topic and the assumption is that the child eats nutritionally most, or half, the time and that a child’s body will tell him when he needs to eat.  This is not my case.  He receives very few truly nutritious meals and when he does eat, his meals are packed with sugar and are highly processed.  I don’t feed him meals that he doesn’t like but he only eats the same three meals over and over at my house.

Now even severely malnourished children in Africa grow and walk and run.  But I want my grandson to be healthy, attain his full potential and for his abilities not to be limited by his diet (ie attention span; brain, organ and skeletal development).

I have him one day a week so its not possible to implement a consistent regime.  What can I do?

My nickname as a child was 'b' - short for biafran. Showing my age there. Anyway, I grew out of it. I am healthy as a horse now. As a child and teenager, I was well above average at school and uni. My health has never suffered and I developed a taste for healthy food when I was about 8 or 9.

My point is that it's not uncommon and not necessarily something that will indicate he won't reach his full potential as an adult.

As you point out, lots of kids are very fussy with food - like his dad was. Maybe this behaviour has a genetic basis, who knows? 

IMO, if you want to help your grandson, it might be best to start with his parents and let them know what you would like to try before you do it. That way there will be a consistent approach to how to manage it and it is less likely to cause friction between you and your son/daughter in law.

It does sound like there is a problem though. As mentioned a food intolerance could make meal times a source of pain and frustration for the poor guy. Some children can also have a hypersensitive gage reflex meaning they may feel like vomiting anytime food touched the back of the throat. It might be worth having a chat to a GP/ dietician in regards to possible causes and solutions. If mum and dad wont take him then perhaps go yourself.

If mum and dad arent open to your assistance then i fear there is little you can do, i would of course encourage you to offer suggestions as to how it may be a problem and solutions to rectify it. If this were my child and my mother, i would be sensitive to your involvment, so i wouldnt want to hear how they had gone to get advice for my child. But i would be open to hearing that you want him to be the fittest and strongest and smartest and nutirician is the key to that.