Raising Children Network | Forums / Parents like me / Adoptive and foster parents

Never again

urbanhomestead — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 19:10:52 GMT

I need to get this off my chest.

We have had a child in our care for 9 months, in a short term placement. The child has had a tough time with contact and has refused it. We have had to access respite at one point for a trip that we had booked before we took him on (which was initially only supposed to be for two weeks) and there were major problems around what would be happening for him while we were away. It's been a nightmare communicating with the case workers as they never respond to calls or emails.

While we were away we heard from a respite Carer that the child was having a bunch of appointments and that contact had been reinstated. I was upset as they really should have discussed all of this with us to keep us informed as we have had the child for so very long.

After we returned weird things started happening with contact. Transport workers would show up out of the blue and just take him with no notice. The child was withdrawn and secretive. We also had issues with transport workers going to another address to collect him and drop him off and we started to smell a rat.

During this time I was emailing and calling the case worker, our support worker and another staff member. The silence was deafening as I began to suspect something was up. Everybody was either away, in meetings or "would return my call". Not one email was replied to.

On Thursday I picked the child up from school and asked him ow his day was. He told me that he'd been picked up from school before recess and dropped back at lunch and had not eaten all day. I asked him where he had been and he told me that he had been taken to see a man. I got it out of him that the man was a doctor (breath g a massive sigh of relief). And then the bombshell: "And I'm going to live with another lady in a few days so I have to pack my things".

I was gobsmacked. I called the caseworker. No answer. I emailed her. No response. The child cried all night and asked me why I wanted to get rid of him. He begged to stay. I had no idea what was going on.

In the morning I missed a call from the Carer support worker. She said she needed to see how things were going but that she would be out all day. I knew then what was happening. I tried repeatedly to phone her back to no avail. Late on Friday afternoon - very near close to business - I had another call from her and she explained that the placement was no longer appropriate and that he was being moved to another Carer. I told her I already knew because the child told me first. She apologized and said that should not have happened, but that it's happening anyway.

I was in shock. My biological children already knew by the time I told them the news. The child had told them about it. That it was a secret.

I have now had two short term placements and both have ended badly due to the case workers and their inability to work with carers. There is so much rubbish talk of working as a team, but I have never seen any of this. Only carers being undervalued, treated like hostel managers and used. I have never in my adult life been treated in this way. There are no circumstances where people whom I should trust should ever have secret meetings with a child in my care (and with each other) about such significant issues.

I'm disgusted and not sure how to help this child to feel less abandoned. No wonder there are barely any carers. They have just lost two more.

If you care about children, don't foster them. You are only participating in legal abuse of children.

Question about Centacare Newcastle

solo — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 08:06:13 GMT

Hi

I have a friend in Newcastle who has decided to become a long-term foster carer and is in the process of deciding which agency to go with.

Does anyone have any experience with Centacare Newcastle? Or any other Newcastle based agencies? Do they offer a reasonable level of support? Any information would be helpful.

Feel free to PM me if you would prefer.

Cheers

Solo

Foster Care Survey

katehalbert — Tue, 01 May 2012 10:12:07 GMT

Hi, I was just wanting to ask anyone who is currently a foster carer to please answer a short survey. It is for my Personal Interest Project for year 12. The survey is about the challenges and benefits of foster care. I understand that you are all busy, but the survey should only take 5 minutes. The URL link below will take you straight to the online survey.

http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/WEB22FKWEMN77W

Thankyou,
Kate

in today's news - 'privatisation of NSW foster care'

redleaves — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 10:18:36 GMT

ALL foster children in NSW will be looked after by a non-government organisation within the next decade, under a State Government plan.

Presently, only one if five foster children in court-ordered care are looked after by a private provider on a fee-for-service basis.

But Community Services Minister Pru Goward is pushing to change that so the non-government sector looks after all non-indigenous children within five years.

She is hoping for NGOs to care for all foster children within a decade instead of social workers from the Department of Family and Community Services, also known as DoCs.

Retired Supreme Court judge James Wood recommended in November 2008 that abused and forgotten children be looked after by the private sector, except in the most extreme cases.

Ms Goward's spokesman said the minister will announce a plan for NGOs to cover almost 100 per cent of child foster care within the next decade.

"We want to transfer all of it because they do it better," he said. "These are the biggest reforms to child protection, this is tough stuff."

"Under the transition plan, all non-Aboriginal children and young people in statutory care will be transferred over five years, with the transition taking up to 10 years for Aboriginal children and young people, to allow for Aboriginal NGOs to make the transition."

The revelation comes after 35 out of 37 non-government organisations agreed to a set of standards covering 96.4 per cent of contracted placements.

This means they will be paid $37,000 to look after each child, depending on individual needs, replacing the existing arrangement where there is a huge disparity in fee-for-service for out-of-home-care (OOHC).

"This successful re-negotiation of unit costs and OOHC contracts with NGO service providers means NSW is finally working towards a more viable OOHC system," Ms Goward said.

At the end of June last year, 17,896 children and young people were in out-of-home-care, with the two-thirds of these cases court-ordered.

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Desperately in need of urgent advice please

pleasehelp — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 17:59:00 GMT

My daughter and grandsom have lived with us in Qld for the past year since he was 8 weeks old. She recently went to Victoria for a few days, which has turned into a few weeks, during which time she lost her mobile phone and was unable to be contacted.

She has become depressed, and last week contacted the department and had him put into foster care, saying she 'could not cope'. She is not a bad or neglectful mother and has always cared for him well.

Our little man has plenty of family only too willing to care for him. They (the department) after trying for several days have been able to get hold of his dad (whom he doesn't really know,) who is saying that if he is given care, will take him overseas for his mother to raise.

The case worker at DHS(?) implied that regular rules surrounding separated parents being able to take a child overseas without both parents' permission do not apply because his mother has signed away her rights. SHE tells me she signed an agreement to have him cared for for ONE WEEK but has been told she has she has to sign another ongoing agreement either Tuesday or Wednesday of this week.

I do not believe this girl is in a fit state of mind to be signing ANYTHING, and it is evident she did not understand the implications of the agreement she has already signed, and without knowing the full details of the further paperwork they are wanting her to sign, really don't know which way to turn. I know from talking to her that she is not aware that she is signing away her parental rights, which is what the case worker has stated.

I've been trying to contact relevant organisations regarding this this afternoon, but it is already so late that many offices are closed for the day, and I am worried she will feel pressured into signing something that she will regret having done.

PLEASE is there anything that can be done to prevent this from happening?

New Foster Placement

KC80 — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:51:44 GMT

Hi I'm new to this forum - hoping for some input.

I've been fostering for about 6 months now as a single parent with no kids of my own. I just foster babies so far. A couple of weeks ago my kids doubled, I now have two four month olds! The first one I've had since 6 days old and he's in a good routine, my new child however is more challenging. I have practically no info re his life to date except that he's in care due to illness in the family (not abuse or neglect as far as I know). He's delightful, very engaging and active and sleeps reasonably well during the day. However when I put him to bed at night he screams for an hour without fail. I go in to him every 5 or 10 minutes and as soon as he sees me he stops crying and will even smile at me but when I walk out he starts again. I've tried sitting by his bed but he just gets frustrated that I won't play with him and starts screaming... Maybe I just need to push through and persist for a couple more weeks.

I'm hoping though that there may be someone else out there who has done this kind of fostering... I have no way of knowing how his parents settled him to sleep although from his behaviour I'm guessing he didn't have a bed time and possibly slept in their bed with them... Is there a gentle way to transition him to routines that work for me or is it just consistence and patience and making sure he knows bedtime isn't abandonment - maybe that's easier said than done?

Any suggestion would be great

Why is it so hard to adopt in Australia

EleniP — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:51:14 GMT

I have had so many failed IVF attempts (10) all failed. I went overseas and had a donor egg (failed). I thought it's time I gave up having a child . Then my husband & I started talking about adoption - but it is so hard. Why does Australia make it so difficult.

Transition from DoCS to NGOs - where can we find out information?

drogers12 — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 10:58:29 GMT

I am foster mum to my greatniece (who is part Aboriginal) - this transition seems to be very airy fairy. I am having trouble finding anything detailed about this, which will affect us all. My caseworker at DoCS told me nothing until I asked the question, and then said 'oh it'll just take some time - by the way would you like to transition now?'. Clearly I do not until I have been informed properly. Anyone else have any concerns?

Have been trawling through news items and it appears that a) even tho it's supposed to be happening the minister will not say how many NGOs have signed up, and b) our carer's payments may be cut as the government is only allocating $37,000 per child.

Single foster mum

Child refusing contact. What to do?

urbanhomestead — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:20:36 GMT

My 9 year old short term (6 months so far) foster child is refusing contact with his birth mother. His mum is mentally unwell and during contact has been belittling him, overreacting to small issues (a minor tear in a school bag, a grazed elbow, his haircut - or lack of). He has been becoming more and more distressed after each visit. He has had sleep problems, sexually inappropriate behaviours, unusual obsessive behaviours and complete silence and withdrawal.

The final straw came last week when he told me that he no longer wanted to see his mother. I agreed that if he felt that he needed a break that I would help to make this happen for him. I spoke with the appropriate people and they offered a week off and a decrease in contact.

However... He is adamant that he does not want to see her again. I am not sure if I want to participate in forcing him. No, I know I do not want to participate in forcing him. I won't do it.

I spoke with the case worker today. She says she "might try" to come out and talk to him some time next week. If she does it will be the first time since early September. 5 months. I am angry that he matters so little in this system when he is so clearly suffering.

I guess that I need advice. Do I talk him into going to contact? It's inevitable that he will be forced and I want to at least give him the dignity of going without a fight. Or do I stand up for him and make sure he doesn't have to go. Literally block the door and say he's not going?

The really stupid thing is that reunification is still on the cards. Go figure!

Just starting the journey...

Storkless — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:33:14 GMT

My husband and I are just starting the process of possibly becoming Foster carers. We have only made enquiries at this stage, and haven't been to any formal meetings or interviews, but I have been stalking this forum and reading as much as I can about the process, what to expect, waiting times etc etc and I am a little surprised that I am even still interested, as at points in my reading, I did wonder "what am I thinking?".

I am in my late 20's, my husband his late 30's, we have never had our own children as I can't (long story short, I don't have a uterus anymore), but all my life, all I have wanted, was to nurture children and watch them grow into their own person. I never thought I wouldn't have my own, but from a young age, wanted to adopt/foster in addition to my own children anyway. We just had to skip the "own children" part. I don't work anymore (lucky girl, I know) and we would love nothing more than to help a child (or children) find a safe, loving place in this sometimes ugly world.

Is there anyone like me out there, who never had their own children? Most of you seem to have had your family and did this afterwards, but for us, this would be our family... How did you cope? Did you end up adopting a placement? Why did YOU choose fostering over straight out adoption (locally or overseas)? While I realise this is about helping a child, not fulfilling my needs to be a mother, I have to be realistic in that I do have feelings/urges/needs/wants and I want to be prepared for the reality that I may struggle to hand back a child. How do you cope with that when you so desperately want to keep them? Would shorter term placements be a better place to start to get used to the idea that you may/will have to give them back?

Anyone willing to share in their experiences, it is appreciated!

Hardest things to teach

sweetnsour — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:32:39 GMT

Hi, I'm new to these boards, but not new to fostering. At the moment I have one child under 4 in my care (and my 17yr bio son). Anyhow, I thought I might try and get a conversation started.
Aside from teaching table manners I have found one of the most difficult things to teach my little fosterlings is how to play imaginatively.
So I guess my question to you is what have you found most difficult to teach (and if you have hit upon a solution that would be great too).
Mandy

Frequency of contact in long-term care

solo — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 07:00:24 GMT

Hi

I'm curious about the frequency of contact that is the norm for children in long-term care. My FD sees her birth parents a total of 18 times a year and then there is also some informal contact with her extended family.

We are both finding this pretty intense. I had understood that for children in long-term care the amount of contact was usually much less than this in order to let them move on with their lives.

What are other people's situations? Is this normal?

Also, do people think it's better for children to have contact with various family members around the same time of the month, or spread out. My thinking is that if we have a couple of days once a month of contact then she will have some time to settle before the next round. Any thoughts?

Cheers

Solo

in the news

redleaves — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 08:02:32 GMT

A SIX-year-old boy placed in the care of a lesbian foster couple was dressed in girl's clothes and the humiliating pictures were posted on the couple's Facebook page.

One of the women was preparing for a sex change to become a man at the time, while her girlfriend was undergoing fertility treatment.

The boy and his 12-year-old sister have since been moved but former Children's Court magistrate Barbara Holborow yesterday called for a full inquiry into the decision to put them there. "Oh my God, what are we doing?" Ms Holborow, who has fostered eight children, said.

Families Minister Pru Goward has demanded a full explanation from child welfare service Barnardos, which had recruited the couple.

"I am seeking advice from Barnardos to confirm that care arrangements were appropriate and the wellbeing of the children was paramount," Ms Goward said yesterday.

The children's story, described as one of the saddest in the state, has been revealed in a Supreme Court judgment posted last month in Children's Law news compiled by the NSW Children's Court.

Their mother had tried but failed in the Supreme Court to win back custody of her son, given the pseudonym Campbell by the court.

His current foster parents want to adopt him.

Campbell was taken into care in November 2006 at the age of 18 months along with his four stepbrothers and two stepsisters after complaints of physical and mental abuse at the hands of the parents.

Campbell and his sister Abby, then 12, were placed with the lesbian couple in early 2009. The placement did not work out for Abby and after she was moved, Campbell was dressed in girl's clothes and his photograph placed on the couple's Facebook page.

Foster Care

katehalbert — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:58:06 GMT

Hi
Could anyone who is a foster carer please answer a short questionnaire.
It will only take 5 minutes.
Regards
Kate.

Here is the link:
http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/WEB22DWBGXX4SW

THE DESPERATE PLIGHT OF TEENAGE FASTER KIDS

Frank48 — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 08:08:15 GMT

I was talking with a group of foster carers earlier this week and am deeply frustrated by the distinct number of people who always say it must be great to take in a displaced child and make something of their lives but are unwilling to make the effort to do something about it themselves

With the radical changes in the fostering setup that are scheduled to take place this coming January in NSW I wonder what will happen to all the 8-18 yr olds that nobody is interested in taking under their wing. Yes these kids are damaged goods in most cases and need particular and extreme care and attention but the rewards that can be gained are also extreme

If there are any of you out there that feel you may be able to help even one of these kids PLEASE contact your local NGO. singles, same sex couples and working couples are not excluded but complete dedication and commitment are essential as the worst thing that can happen to these kids is a placement breakdown at this critical stage of their lives

I write ,not as paid member of one of these organisations but purely as a dedicated foster DAD who is seeing such a lot of tragedy taking place in our local area because these kids are not loved and need suitable “parenting”

I would love to talk to any of you about my experience if you send me a PM

RESPITE

Frank48 — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 08:50:25 GMT

Has anyone got any suggestions

What's in a Name? Research Project: The significance of Surnames and Personal Names to Australian Parents

researchmum — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 11:41:13 GMT

Hi

We would like to invite you to participate in our online survey for parents on family names and personal names. We believe this will be of great interest to you.

You will find the survey at:

www.whatsinanameaus.wordpress.com

The survey will help us answer the following questions about contemporary family life. How do women decide whether to keep or change their surname when they get married? How do couples decide on their children's first names and surnames? What issues of belonging or identity do these decisions raise for parents? We know very little about what Australian women or men think about this topic.

Participation is confidential and through a short online questionnaire that only takes 15 minutes. Respondents to the questionnaire can also leave their contact details to take part in a follow up telephone interview if they choose.

The research team is Dr Deborah Dempsey and Lara Mainka at Swinburne University and Dr Jo
Lindsay at Monash University. The research has been approved by the Swinburne University Human Research Ethics Committee.

For more information about the project, please reply to Lara at lmainka@swin.edu.au

We look forward to hearing from you soon,

Best wishes,

Deb Dempsey and Jo Lindsay,

Co-Investigators.
What's in a Name Australia Project.

Raising a traumatized child - Update

OtherMother109 — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 06:09:12 GMT

Hello all,
I haven't been on for awhile because something interesting has been happening. My blog is now a book! RAISING ABEL by Carolyn Nash (my pen name). My son and I have been through a lot in the last 18 years, and I think our story will be helpful to others just starting out, in the midst of it, or on the other side, like we are. My son came to me at 3 having endured horrific abuse. We have been through violence, destruction, police intervention, hospitalizations, group homes, and suicide attempts but we did make it out and we are doing pretty darn well. I thought other people might like to know that you can make it. It's a hell of a battle, but you can make it. If you are interested, please look for the book on Amazon Kindle. And, if you don't own a Kindle, you can download FREE software from Amazon to your computer so you can read any Kindle book.

Fostering indigenous children

tropicalfrangipani — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 16:24:39 GMT

We live in Far North Queensland and have 2 boys, aged 4 and 8, and a 16 year old daughter from my previous marriage. We are considering fostering a girl who is about 4 or 5 years old. I know that there are alot of indigenous children in foster care, and we would be interested in fostering a little indigenous girl. We would prefer to foster a child who has an order be in foster care for long term (until she's 18), as I know we will love her as a daughter and bring her up with our sons.

However, when I read information regarding indigenous children, it seems like foster agencies only want to place indigenous children with indigenous foster parents. My husband and I are not indigenous at all.

Would we be allowed to foster an indigenous girl, even though we are not indigenous? If anyone has any information, I would appreciate hearing from you. Thanks in advance.

Would anyone be willing to answer a questionaire?

katehalbert — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 14:42:57 GMT

I am currently conducting an Individual research project, and I am focusing on the benefits and challenges of being a foster carer. I would greatly appreciate it if anyone would be able to complete a questionnaire for research purposes. I will make sure that you remain anonymous and confidential in the final report and no names will be used.

Please send a private message if you are interested.
Kate.

TWO YEARS ON

Frank48 — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 08:01:17 GMT

12 months ago I posted a topic to this forum on our first year of permanent fostering .Now ,after 2 years of parenting I reflect on that posting and think about what has changed

The Answer ??? Nothing much

I am now a little more experienced than what I was then and perhaps a little older and wiser but then so is our boy and this makes the game of raising a foster child even more of a challenge There appears to be so many ways to experiment with “beating the boundaries” and to come up with the correct solution to these strategies is so much harder than any game of chess.

Puberty, Girls, increasing pressures at school , Bio family problems have all been major players but I still will never regret taking on this challenge

Our Boy has just begun some part time work at a major food chain and is finding it a bit daunting and we hope to convert our garage space into sleeping and lounge area for him in order to develop his independence

What rewards are there in foster caring? An uninitiated may ask

Too many to answer here. You have to experience it for yourself

But a small example From an autistic unconfident child who could not look anyone in the eyes,was unable to express his feelings ,understand others body language nor shake hands across a table He came home from school a couple of weeks ago after attending a movie at the local cinema . It took him three hours to describe a two hour film and the facial expressions and hand gestures where extraordinary But the best part was when he blurted out

“Do you know what the coolest part of the movie was Mum?” “The best part Mum .Now don’t interrupt. The really good thing I enjoyed (Mum!!) The theme of the story was that the hero had never been able to tell his girl friend that he loved her .(Mum and Dad), the really coolest part was in the end he said"

" I LOVE YOU”

We both sat there trying to keep a straight face as he was sitting in front of us with tears rolling down his face.

Every day there is some small change that you would probably not notice in a child of normal upbringing but we are more and more comfortable in the belief that he will grow up to be a worthwhile asset to our community If we achieve this then all the traumas and downers have been worth it

I know that we have been extremely lucky in getting the child we did and that there are many more tragic and desperate situations out there but for those considering Fostering there is always a dream worth pursuing

Frank

Violence by a foster child

snoopymugs — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 08:49:48 GMT

My fifteen year old FD went on a rampage and smashed up the house, assaulted and bit me. I had no clue what to do. While she was smashing stuff up, I sat there like a robot saying over and over, "Think about what you're doing. You're making a big mistake." When she picked up some more stuff to throw, I tried to grab her forearms and pin them down but she was too strong so she slapped and punched and kicked me. I tried again to grab her arms and she leaned in and gave me a horrific bite.

Apparently, I was supposed to call the police immediately, but who calls the police on a 15 year old? I thought I could manage the situation but I could not. One reason I sat there and did nothing for a long time while she was smashing things was that I know if I stay calm and don't give her any attention, she stops doing whatever the bad behaviour is.

I never received any training in what to do when this kind of violence happens. I am only approved to look after children between 5 and 8 years old and only ended up fostering a 15 year old because DoCS was desperate and couldn't place her anywhere.

My FD has lived with me for 8 months and never shown any physical violence towards me. She once tried to harm herself though. In both cases, her violence was triggered when I gave her a parental guideline that was undermined by her caseworker. The first time I told my FD that she had to go to school that day but she refused to. She called her caseworker who said she could stay home if she liked and told me not to press the point of school attendance. This second time (yesterday afternoon) I told her she can't go on dates with boys until she is 16 years old but she told me her caseworker had given her permission to see a boy this coming weekend. Her caseworker has a reason for always giving in to this child's demands and overriding parental decisions I try to enforce. It is because the child has a long history of walking away from previous placements, making false allegations of abuse and violence against numerous previous carers --but has a life-threatening medical condition that can only be treated if she remains in a long term placement.

After my FD smashed up the house and assaulted me, she ran to her room and called her birth mother who either advised her to phone the police or perhaps phoned them on her daughter's behalf. When the police came, my FD made an allegation that I assulted her.

I couldn't believe what was happening. I cooperated with the police and told them everything honestly. They did not try to accuse me of anything but decided that they believed I was the victim and not the aggressor.

In hindsight, here are the lessons I learned from yesterday's events:

Always have a plan of what to do if a child becomes violent even if the child has lived

with you for a long time and never been violent before

Always call the police and remove yourself from the child at the first sign of

violence. Do not think you can handle it. Maybe you can, maybe you can't why take

the risk of the child's aggression spiralling as soon as you try to take action?

After you call the police, pack a bag for the child with pyjamas and soft toy, clean

undies, toothbrush and toothpaste, a meal and any medications etc and have it ready

in case the child does not end up staying with you that night.

Call a friend or family member immediately and have a debrief and a good cry.

Tidy up the house as best you can as soon as possble afterwards. The longer

everything remains smashed up, the more despair and depression you feel.

Talk through what happened with the DoCS staff and discuss what happens next

Arrange some counselling

Share your experience with others by posting in a forum

This is all I can think of but maybe other people can share their advice and experience?

Can anyone recommend a Fostering Forum?

urbanhomestead — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 10:13:22 GMT

Seeing as though it's gone so quiet here since some of us were shushed, I wondered if someone could recommend another forum for me to join. It's important that us carers connect and share without fear. I'm hoping there is a more private forum I can join.

Otherwise... I may start one myself.

Need advice/opinion

Confused1 — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 15:22:40 GMT

There was a situation where a friend of mine had foster children staying with herself & her daughter, there was 4 foster children & they were siblings which docs wanted to keep together 3 boys, 1 girl..
her own daughter is 3 yrs old.
They were living with my friend for 4 months when one night she went to check on her daughter upstairs when all the children were in bed & the daughter told her the oldest boy whom we will call " Joe " was in her room kissing her here here & here which she pointed out her mouth & cheeks & private region, the mother obviously became worried & asked her what else happened & the daughter said the "Joe" had placed his wee in her mouth & tickled her down there ( private parts )
The mother straight away brought her daughter down stairs where she than contacted the helpline about the horrible situation & she was obviously very upset & emotional they told her to keep the older boy "Joe" away from the other children until some workers arrive to remove him as he is putting the children at risk of harm after a very long phone call with the helpline workers went to her house about 2hrs later to pick up the boy, the mother said she was taking her daughter to the hospital & they said it wouldn't be necessary that a JIRT ( i think its called ) worker would be in contact within the next couple of days to investigate.

The mother obviously took her daughter to the hospital where she stayed 10hrs to be seen by a sexual assault team where the discovered evidence & other stuff that confirmed what the little girl had told her mother

The JIRT team than contacted the mother 2days later to organise an interview time with herself & her daughter which was the following day so three days after the incident, when the mother took the daughter to the office they discussed the situation & than took her daughter to an interview room " ALONE " without the mother present, which she said why that was happening & she would prefer to be there & they said it was fine as a Docs caseworker would be present, they than returned & told the mother that they would not be able to charge the boy or further the investigation cause when they Questioned the " 3 year old " about what happened on the monday ( 3 days Prior ) that she was unable to say what " Joe" had did by herself it was only when they asked her where " Joe" is that she told them & Very detailed & showed them what he did.

So they said that cause they had to lead her it was unable to go to court or any further...

The mother was so shocked & upset she couldn't believe what she was hearing not only did Docs fail to do the Psychological report when the children were first taken into care but they also failed to do anything about what had happened to her daughter.
Still nothing has happened & because the boy "Joe" was a distant family member they now contact her weekly to try & find family placement to place him.... o.O she still has the other children with her as they have no one.

My friend is so upset & shocked about the treatment herself & daughter received she just doesn't know what to do, it has affected her daughter with constant nightmares & wetting of the bed & pants day & night & her daughter refuses to sleep in her own room only with her mother.

I know this has been very long but any information or advice would be really appreciated, she would like to know what she could do so it doesn't happen again or some sort of justice for her daughter.

Thanks in Advance

Housing stress for foster carers

snoopymugs — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 11:55:10 GMT

Hi Everyone,

I would like to raise a question that has puzzled me for a long time: if you are a renter and want to be a foster carer, how can you afford it? I live in Sydney and rent a house with a second bedroom. The cost of renting the second bedroom is about $270 a week but this is far less than the assistance that DOCS provides to support foster carers to defray the expense of raising a child. By this I mean that if I lived in a small one bedroom or studio, I would pay $270 less a week in rent compared to how much I have to pay to have a place with 2 bedrooms so I can acommodate the child. In other words, the provision of accommodation alone for a foster child is far less than the carer's allowance that we receive.

When I first began fostering, I was naive about expenses and got into a $8000 credit card debt in the first year because the carer's allowance was so much less than the real expense of fostering. Now I'm more careful and have taken on an extra job so I can afford to be a foster carer. But how does everyone else afford it? Are you all older (baby-boomer?) home owners with spare bedrooms?? I am a generation X-er who will always rent and never plans to buy real estate!

Pre service training module assessment

cozza — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 18:14:26 GMT

Hi and hello to everyone. I am in the assessment process of becoming a foster carer, currenty i am doing the pre service training assessment and i am confused on a couple of questions. Would be great if someone could help me out. The questions are: How would you know if a child or young person's views would be encouraged and heard? and the other question regard Matters of Concern is: How would you identify the supports you and your family need and advocate to ensure these needs are met?

Thanks in advance

Considering Foster / Permanent / Respite care

freekristy — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 10:48:42 GMT

Hello,

My partner and I have decided to start enquiring into Foster Care, Permanent Care and Respite Care. And after much consideraton we have decided to take the first step and put our names down for the next information session in our area.

In the meantime we have a few questions.

As we dont have children already, what would be the best option for us? We are thinking that respite care might be the best first step, but are wondering how this works. Are carers given much notification of a placement, is it a regular placement once a month or random placement at any time? Will we have the same child or will it be different children?

Another thing is that both of us work full-time, & as I would be the primary career would my work hours of 9.00am - 5:30pm become a problem? How do other carers work around work commitments?

We are also going to start a family in the next couple of years, would you advise to wait until we have established a family first?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Intercountry Adoption

chinamama — Wed, 17 May 2006 16:10:47 GMT

Hi Everyone!

Just popped in to see if there are others who have found this site who have adopted / are in the process of adopting internationally.

I am waiting to hear news of my first child from China, and hope to met him/her around the end of this year.

Chinamama

Food

solo — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 07:27:25 GMT

Hi all

I am wondering if anyone has advice about dealing with food issues? My foster-daughter starts compulsively eating and asking for food and worrying about food when she is anxious about something else - to the point where she had a massive melt-down last night because we only had one packet of 2 minute noodles left in the cupboard (I think she used to eat them a lot but we've only had them a few times since she's been with me). She was inconsolable = I showed her all the food in the cupboard and fridge but had to promise I would take her shopping for more noodles today.

I'm pretty sure that she has not been hoarding food at all - and as I said it seems to be directly related to her anxiety levels.

Apart from keeping my cupboard stocked, helping her prepare food and come shopping with me, does anyone have any tips?

Cheers

Solo

maternity leave for permanent placements?

Colours — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 06:02:33 GMT

Hi,

Does anyone know if parents would be elegible for maternity/other parental leave for permanent placements? I know it is available for adoptive parents, but I have been advised that the ideal age for me to foster would be around the 3 yo mark. I think it would be nice to have a couple of months out of the rat race to settle the child into the family.

What a MASSIVE difference

urbanhomestead — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 17:11:09 GMT

We have CS come out yesterday afternoon for the first of two home meetings. The next is on Monday. We were immediately astounded by the immense contrast between our last case workers/assessors and these people. Their experience and knowledge of the field was impressive. It was obvious from the outset that this experience (many, many years between them) seemed to allay any questions that they had about our dealings with our previous agency and our issues with them. They just knowingly nodded and were very diplomatic.

There were no romantic notions of children in care, foster carers or birth families. They were straight down the line and also very surprised at our experiences with our NGO and the placement itself. We had our eyes opened again! They were both very happy with us calling the shots on our care type, which disabilities and conditions we can handle, age range etc.

We are starting off with Emergency Care and once we get back from our month long holiday in April, we're going to do both Short and Long Term Care. They suggested that we look at authorisation for all types of care as we felt duped last time with our choices removed by our agency.

Feeling much more enthusiastic about being a foster carer again now.

Curious, how long most Foster Parents have been waiting once approved?

Maddie — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 21:09:06 GMT

Hi all,

I just found this website after perusing the net for some advice on people's experiences in NSW in relation to being approved and then the stork delivering a bundle of joy? I was approved just before Christmas and now end of March and still no phone calls. I had originally been approved for (0 - 6mths) long term but as this seems to be holding me back they revisited my approval and now been approved for short term with a view to long term (0 - 3 years) but still no luck as yet. I was just under the impression we were lacking foster carers and they had a huge problem, so I'm now very confused????

contact details to birth parents

Jemz — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:15:13 GMT

Hello to all the wonderful foster carers out there

I am new to fostering and attended a foster carer information session today and was surprised to find out that the "department" gives out your personal details (name, number,address) to the birth parents of the child in your care, now my question is has any one had any problems with parents showing up on your door demanding, verbal abuse / physical violence, threats of any nature??

single parenting

redleaves — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 09:36:30 GMT

Its been said on this forum that foster parents shouldn't work, and in emergency care situations, I can see it would be extremely difficult to work and provide quality foster care.

However, for longer term placements, a 'normal' family environment is the best one for the child and plenty of parents do work and parent children as well.

So, I thought I'd ask - what are views on single parents fostering? I am a single parent and provide a 'normal' home environment.

Thought it might make an interesting conversation topic!
RL

Respite Care info - pre placement

happykids11 — Thu, 26 May 2011 00:27:21 GMT

Hi wonderful people,

we are in the process of becoming respite and emergency carers (good way to start I think) we have no bio children so starting from scratch and wondering what everybody thinks are the essential things to have. We have the basics - beds spare clothes some toys but what are the things everybody wish they had got before placement ??

Any tips are much appreciated.

Happy

Raising a traumatized child successfully (?)

OtherMother109 — Tue, 24 May 2011 04:05:25 GMT

I am from the United States, so I feel a little odd posting on an Australian parenting site. I feel, though, that most of what I went through raising my son is universal in nature.

My son came to me out of foster care 17 years ago at almost 4 years of age. It quickly became apparent that he'd been through horrific abuse. The journey the two of us took through those seventeen years is described in my blog: raisingatraumatizedchild.blogspot.com. We went through violence, destruction, hospitalizations, police interventions, and suicide attempts. When I went through my experience, I felt quite alone. I've published this blog as a way to help others not feel so alone, and to learn from what happened between my son and me.

My main message: There IS another side. My son is almost 21, happy, has friends, and is making his way in the world. There are success stories, believe it or not.

Parent visit ideas

trials and tribulation — Tue, 10 May 2011 10:21:37 GMT

Hi everyone,

Wow what a find have just found the raising children forum and what an excellent resource.

I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions for locations and activities for parental visits. I, care for three children (baby, primary school age and high school age). We have had care of family members for 2.5 years and have been supervising the visits for the past 18 months to minimise the stress on the kids. Anyway 18 months on we have really exhausted all the locations (i.e. parks, beach, lakes) and parent inclusive activities (i.e. skateboards, soccer balls, cricket, ten pin bowling) we can think of and are struggling to keep it interesting for the kids, does anyone have any suggestions?

To clarify, interesting visit equals a busy visit, and a busy visit means its not spent sulking, whining, dwelling on what isn't and so on.

Thanks.

A little visitor is coming

urbanhomestead — Thu, 12 May 2011 12:50:19 GMT

So... we've had a few emergency placements of older children now (as well as our beautiful baby boy who we had for short term care last year). The phone rang today and we have a little newborn (just born on Monday) coming to stay for a while either tomorrow or Monday!

It's difficult not knowing when. But I am preparing for the baby's arrival. Just made a bid on a bassinet on eBay so hopefully I'll get it, and it will come in handy in future too.

So how is everyone is else going?

Is permanent permanent?

Colours — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 14:47:42 GMT

Hi,

I'm a newbie. Looking into fostering and was advised by the agency that I would be more suited to a permanent placement. However I spoke with DOCs today and they advised me that at any time if my child's family situation changed, the child might go back to its biological family. Is this true? I'm just not sure I could cope with that.

I have also been looking into government v non-government and can't seem to find much clarification. I know there are some strong feelings in this area and I don't wish to get caught up in a non-govt agency only to find out that I should have looked elsewhere.

Now for an even more important question. Is it likely that one would ever love a foster child as much as a biological child? I'm aware that I will get many varied response to this one, but I just need to hear it from people who have experience as I don't personally know anyone to ask the same.

Thanks heaps,

Colours.

respite care at Christmas time

redleaves — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 09:15:13 GMT

I've been told from a couple of different sources that the need for respite care increases at Christmas time.

Why do you think this is?