Raising Children Network | Forums / Parents like me / Single parents

Mediation

Nicknbub — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:10:36 GMT

In just under 3 hours I will be starting the mediation process with my ex, and I am panicking slightly! I dont know what to expect, all I know is I dont want that man anywhere near my son- he does not deserve to be a father to any child! especially not mine. I am sure I have enough proof to keep him away but I still have to go through mediation and court which is stressful and scary, I want to proove I am a great mum but am scared that he will lie and lie and lie continuesly to get what he wants, he is great at making out that he is the victem and everyone should feel sorry for him, and great at making others look bad, thats what I am afraid of. I know I have never done anything that would make anyone think I was a bad person, but I still worry about what he might come up with.

I just prey that he gives up easily and leaves me alone. One can dream I guess...

Mediation- Parenting Plan- My Rights

Flying Solo — Sun, 20 May 2012 10:00:50 GMT

Hi all.

Sorry if there are any threads already discussing these issues.

My husband (seperated) and I are going to mediation next week and I'm really anxious and nervous. I have our daughter full time and allow him to visit her as often as possible with me supervising. Through mediation, he wants to have access to her without me present.

My issues: I left him as he is an alcoholic. He has been in detox and rehab, seen consellors etc and is STILL drinking. He denies it sometimes, and admits to drinking other times. He visits our daughter and is sometimes a great dad, real hands on, other times just sits back and does not interact with her.

I have to have a proposal to take to mediation and I don't know what is reasonable and whats not? What rights I have, can I deny him taking her and will his lifestyle choices come into play?! I know we must make the arrangments, not mediators, but I dont know if we will? Is court the best option for me??

I find it hard giving up my time to let him come around and see her whenever he likes, I cant sustain this forever. Imagine if I move on. Which guy would be happy to have an ex hanging around constantly. And our daughter has no routine as his visits are not set.

A lawyer recommended his parents being supervisors but they let him get away with anything, sweep things under the carpet. They would allow him to take her without them present.

Has anyone been through something similar? What did you get out of mediation? Was it useful or a waste of time?

Has anyone delt with an ex with substance abuse problems? Did this work in your favour?

I want the best for our daughter and I fear for her safty in his care, alone!

Thanks in advance. ANy help, suggestions, advise appreciated

help - advice please

beckmo3 — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 14:31:22 GMT

Any advice offered would be great. I am a single mother of 3 kids who have no respect for me and don't listen to a word I say. The father is o/s and provides little support although he would love to I am sure....
I have no support I am with these children besides when they are at school or daycare, which is 6 hours a day. I am heading for serious depression and am over yelling and screaming my children. I have tried time out, i have tried smacking, only smack once, I have tried removing things, items, activities.
I don't know what to do.. Please any advice will be taken on board.
Thanks

Separated But still living under one roof

bmbjz — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 21:24:10 GMT

My Husband and I are separated but still living in the same house. We have 3 children ages 8,5 and 3. We have decided to stay under one roof for the kids. We are still friends even though things can get a little tense at times. We are only new to this and I am really interested in talking to anyone else who is doing this and how things work for you in regard to bills, the kids and housework etc.
I dont want to hear peoples opinions on how this wont work as I do know that it does work for some people. I dont want to hear how this is being selfish and not good for the kids. The only difference for the kids is mum and dad now have separate rooms and we have talked to the older ones about this. I see this as not being selfish, being selfish would be for me to move and take the kids in which case they would not see dad very often as I would have to move states to be near my family for support.
Would love to hear any advice anyone can offer to help me make this successful.
Thanks Heaps

did anyone else receive a payment overnight from Department of Families

redleaves — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 14:51:13 GMT

Slight OT for 'single parents'only, but did anyone receive an extra payment from the department of families/centrelink overnight? I did, but I don't know what it relates to or what its for.

thanks

Sole parent, feeling alone and too solo !!

Lizola — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 22:36:08 GMT

Hi

I have a 4 and a half year old daughter, whom I struggle to parent without a great deal of anxiety and stress, mostly because I feel acutely alone and unsupported. I am wanting to connect with any other single parents, particularly in my area - Quakers Hill, but moving over the next year to the Hawkesbury area - but mostly I'd like to connect with anyone, Australia wide, who may also be alone and not having their needs met.

Since having my daughter, Maya, I became very unwell with PND and was later diagnosed with a chronic condition which will require medication for ever, it seems! I had to move from a beautiful part of Sydney (McMahons Point) to a much less beautiful one (;-) ) Blacktown, to live in a refuge. Three years on, and two temporary properties later and we are to move into Public Housing, probably in the Hawkesbury as I am studying at Uni out there. Trying to navigate fear about public housing!

I lost a great deal of confidence and my self esteem has been badly affected by being ill ( hosp twice) and the inability of people I had known, especially my family in Australia (Cousin in Canberra) to be there and support me. The net result is that, apart from services and a couple of friends I like but either don't see much or don't connect with at that deeper level, other relationships are superficial and I don't feel really connected.

My family in the UK is complicated (i e dysfunctional and were v unhealthy for me when i was unwell and visited when my daughter was 7 months). Maya's father is incognito in New Zealand.

I am sick of it being inferred to me that I have to 'support myself' as I know that, psychologically, positive regard, meaningful relationships and love are basic human needs.

Is there anyone else out there who feels in the same position? I'd love to be inspired by some positive stories, strategies of coping, stories of self belief etc...Also, any UK single Mums - would love to hear from you!!

Thanks for your replies

Liz

Need some advice

sindyk117 — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 12:15:34 GMT

Hi Everyone,

I need some advice regarding my situation, please do not post any judgements. I became pregnant after going out with this guy for a little while and it was such a shock for me as I was unable to fall pregnant when I was married for 4 years and due to my age.

While I was on holidays overseas, I found out I got pregnant and had to cancel few trips and head back home as I had severe morning sickness. Just before I arrived home, I sent the father of baby an email and a phone message regarding my pregnancy and when I got back I sent him numerous messages and emails but he wanted nothing to do with the pregnacy and in fact accused me of having relationship while I was on holidays denying his responsibility.

Anyway, I have decided to go through pregnancy alone and raise the baby alone to avoid complications of getting the father involved. But am I doing the right thing? What can I do in my situation since the father does not want to be part of the baby"s life and I was not in a legal relationship? Can I get some advice?

Someone new in our lives... what to do? (long text)

sjordanxcx — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 05:51:29 GMT

Sorry about the long post, just trying to explain as much as I can to get the most objective opinions.
First, the main characters for a quick overview of the implicated: *Names were changed to protect the guilty. - Me: Mexican, single mother, working full time. I was single for about 3 years after I separated from my kid’s dad. And no, I do not live with my parents. I rent a place close to my mum, as she helps me a lot. - Beckie: My 6 year old girl. She is smarter than I will ever be. Not much of a background… Her dad is rarely in contact with her, we have many issues and even though he tries, he has other priorities. - Caleb: My boyfriend of a few months. He’s English and came to live in Mexico, as we would like to someday get married and start a family. He was in the military for many years and is now an English teacher here. My friends adore him, that isn’t always so great. - My mum: She is the awesomest bestest mum in the world, though even the bestest mum is the world can have some issues. She watches Beckie every day when I’m at work as she’s a retired nurse and is married for the second time to a wonderful man who loves her very much.
Before Caleb moved to Mexico, it was only Beckie and me, and due to me working full time, we spend very little time together. I would get home at about 6 pm and only be with her for a few hours before putting her to bed. I must say I do feel guilty as the reason of this whole problem comes from there, at least in part. She spends the majority of the day with my mum, who takes her to school after I’ve gone to work, picks her up and stays with her till I come home. My mum is, to say the least, a very pleasing anti-confrontation person; and since she was a divorced mum working full time while raising my brother and me, barely spending any time with us, I do believe she tries to compensate that with her grandchildren, by letting them do pretty much all they want, and rarely ever being the disciplining figure.
I know my situation as a single parent should not be an excuse to come home tired, wanting nothing to do with crying children, but it was to me, back then, and it’s something I now regret. I would see Beckie, try to spend a good couple of hours with her, not really working much on her manners or discipline. On the weekends she would spend one day with her dad and the other day with me, and I tried to take her to the movies or anything fun, to compensate (there, that awful word again) for a week of absence. Then on Mondays, again with grandma. This lasted for the 3 years I was single, and even before I met Caleb, I wanted to put Beckie in a private school when she started elementary (which is later this year), so that she could spend more hours of the day in school, and not so many hours with my mum. My main reason for this was, she’s helped me enough and not getting any younger, so I want to stop being such a burden. I helped in any way I could, giving her money, and when I couldn’t, at least I never asked for any. I think it’s only fair that she starts being the grandma, instead of a second mum… Beckie sometimes even calls her mum. I don’t mind at all, but my mother already had her time of dealing with kids, that’s in the past and it should stay there. I want her to enjoy Beckie without the worries, like a grandparent should. It’s now my turn to work and worry.
2 ½ months ago, Caleb arrived. It was all love and smiles at first, they clicked very well and Beckie was very happy to have him live with us. This arrangement is temporary, as he’s rented a house of his own (we’re currently working on furnishing it, and in the meantime he’s staying with us), and we think he’ll be able to move there in the next month. Fortunately, he arrived with a secure job, which I helped him get at an English school, however, the immigration paperwork took a bit longer than we expected, and he was only able to start working a couple of weeks ago. Due to this, he will start to see the money coming in March (the school pays once a month). It’s fair to say we’re going at a good pace, and I want to avoid the whole “let’s cut expenses and live together even though we shouldn’t because probably the relationship will suffer due to this in the future” which would have been much easier for the time being. I must accept, if Beckie didn’t exist, I’d probably go for it, precisely because of that, but we try to do this the best way possible, within our power.
As mentioned before, Caleb is ex-military and saying he’s strict would be an understatement. I would like to say, that even before he moved here, we had a talk about Beckie’s upbringing. He knew what I had to deal with being on my own, with a child who is spoiled by her grandma, and a condescending dad who gives her whatever she wants so long as she doesn’t throw a fit (he’s never been good at the whole dealing with difficult kids thing). So, as much as this sounds like a joke, I was the only one providing some sort of discipline in her life. Also, I know she respects and listens to everything her grandpa (my mum’s husband) says. He is, after all, the only respectable and constant male figure in her life. So when talking about this with Caleb, prior to his arrival, I asked him to help me in giving her more discipline, and he agreed. So after the first couple of weeks, when the novelty wore off, problems started. She noticed this guy was asking her to do things she didn’t have to do before, like making her own bed, tying her laces and always saying please and thank you. The playful times were now replaced by serious talks about what she needs to do and if you don’t do it, a punishment follows.
It’s important I mention his upbringing. Caleb’s dad was also in the military, and by the things he’s told me, Caleb is a soft teddy bear in comparison with him. So, even though Caleb isn’t as strict, he takes many things from his dad, whom he looks up to greatly, even though he was always disciplined (sometimes in ways that would make us want to call a social worker) he is thankful for it, and credits it for who he is now. But I don’t think all the military training in the world, or visiting the worst war zones ever prepared him for what was to come, he’s said it himself.
I have in my mind a few aspects that are against us in trying to change ways with Beckie: 1. This is a girl (no brothers or sisters) who pretty much has had her way always, and she’s not used to being disciplined a lot. If we get to have our own kids, it would definitely be easier as you start anew with a person who hasn’t known any different. This is not the case with Beckie, we need to fix 6 years of deficiency in giving her any kind of solid structure. 2. The language barrier. He is only starting to learn Spanish and she knows very little English. Enough said. 3. His lack of flexibility. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s trying really hard, and we don’t ask her to do more than what she can do, but you can’t ask for perfection from day one. 4. My mum. The fact that Beckie spends more time with her than with us is greatly affecting any progress we make. She is with us for the weekend, we achieve some things, and on Monday it all goes to hell, because “grandma lets me do whatever I want, and I don’t have to follow any rules at her house”. 5. Everything changed. This is a time for adapting, for the 3 of us, living together, even though it’s temporary, is quite difficult. Hard for an adult, imagine for a 6 year old. And since “strict Caleb” appeared, he became the bad guy.
If you’re thinking, “this is so going to affect their relationship as a couple”, yes, it is. It does. We’ve had several talks, and the last one, yesterday, he actually told me he can see us breaking up over this. I must accept that I am to blame for a lot in this situation. He tries his best, and I don’t always agree, or maybe I’m plain ignorant in the subject. He has a niece who had the same problems and with the help of his parents, made her the nicest, best behaved girl in England, within 6 months the process was a success. The key words in the last sentence are “with the help of his parents”. That situation was quite different from the one we’re dealing with now; there was more to their favor than there is now.
Maybe it is a big change for me to try and give her all this discipline at once. Should I try and be tougher with her, or simply put my foot down with him when I don’t agree? I don’t always know how to act. He, on the other hand, has an unbiased perspective and goes ahead with what worked for him in the past with his niece. He believes Beckie doesn’t even want to talk to him, if she calls (usually me) and he asks her what’s going on, she keeps talking to me and shields him off. This really pisses him off, and is convinced she does things on purpose to make him mad, or to let him know she considers him of no authority. I believe she has grown to see him as the bad guy, but I don’t think she does mean things to him. As you can see, this whole thing has me in pain, and sometimes we can’t even spend time together in peace.
We tried several approaches, to this day nothing has worked. We even started smacking her butt, which I took as a last resort after many other things, but each week we had to come up with something different. In her defense, I have seen some changes. The best example I can give is the following: at the beginning, when she had to make her bed it was crying and kicking and screaming for a good 15 minutes before she finally did it. She hated it for some reason. Now, it’s the most normal thing in the world. Someone asks her to make her bed, she doesn’t even blink, gets it done, voila! I suppose it’s the whole getting used to new things, but how much is asking too much?

Hiding income from CSA

Degai — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:50:47 GMT

I have an ex with five rental properties and a high paying job. I earn a medium range salary and work part time. The CSA has assessed his income to be about $10k more than mine, which means I get very little in the way of support through the CSA. Is it possible that he is hiding his rental income in family trusts or something so that the ATO doesn't know about it? Does anybody know how people hide income and what I can do about it?

SSSOOOOOOO SCARED

Jazmyn — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:22:24 GMT

Im a single parent of an 8year old girl. I left my ex husband wen she was 7months old.

He has put me thru hell n back. He now has lost his visitation rights to see her after he kidnapped her for 5 days. Where there was a nation wide search for her. He was in jail for 10months where i had to testify but really didnt want to. but the police gave me no choice. He is now out on parole and i am soooo scared that once his parole is ova he will come after me. I dunno what to do. Whether to move house so he doesnt know where i live or stay where i am. Tho i am so scared to live alone. Coz wot if he finds me. Scared wot he will do to me. He and his whole family blame me for the whole thing.

And afta all this i have completely lost trust in all males. I know its wrong but i cant help it.

Please help.

scared

Utopia — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 08:05:27 GMT

Hi Everyone

I'm soon to be a single mum to 3 children, my son is 4 my daughter is almost 3 and my 3rd is due in January.

My partner had an affair a few years ago and our relationship has not recovered. I've really tried to forgive and forget but I can't. We argue ALOT in front of the children and we have trouble communicating. We tried couples therapy soon after the affair, it helped a little but things just seem to be getting worse than better.

He's a wonderful dad and I can't help but feel incredibly selfish for my decision the kids love him so very much and I know this will be so very hard on them but I try and tell myself it will be better for them in the long run.

I have no idea if I can even afford to be a single parent and I'm not sure how I will cope with raising 3 children on my own. Looking to hear from mums out there who were/are in a similar situation. Has anyone ever lived to regret their decision of leaving? should I try harder to make our family/relationship work?

I'm not 100 percent confident with my decision which scares me makes me think I may be doing the wrong thing

single mother

babajia1 — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:38:52 GMT

Hi everyone, I just become a single mother with my 2 year old daughter. When we just break up, we could still talk to each other, but after I moved out , he just become unbelievable, not paying child support, try to give me a real hard time. I don't know what to do now. If someone out there have or had the same experience as me, please give me some advice. thank you.

Wanting to connect with other 30-something single Mums

Pluto — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 19:29:50 GMT

mother of four

mom41 — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 09:35:42 GMT

To any one reading this I am a single mother of four my life is one big mess my kid range form sixteen to five months I have Being looking for help for four years I am a mother in crisis who is in need of transportationi am unable to get around I need to regain my independance to once again be a produtive citizen for my kids. If any one out there who know someone. That has an old or used running vehicle and will consider donating it to my family who life depend on it pls.

Help! Father's rights and access visits

Alone34 — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 22:37:10 GMT

Delete

Child Support

teensonsmum — Thu, 12 May 2011 21:34:56 GMT

I've just been sent a letter from the CSA telling me I now have to pay my ex. This is in spite of the fact that we have 50/50 custody and have worked out an equal costs agreement that has been effective for the last 3 years. For the last three years he and his girlfriend have gone overseas every year, have bought a brand new 4WD, renovated the kitchen and take my boys and her boys skiing for at least 4 days every year. His taxable income last financial year was a mere $36,000. He is 'self employed' although no one including his children can tell me what he actually does. I would be happy to pay if he was really only earning $36,000 but with a lifestyle like his its hardly fair.
How do I get the CSA to assess us both fairly?

my partner left me for a guy

mel7124 — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:59:06 GMT

me and my ex had a baby girl and he left me about 3 months after she was born i didnt expect it because everything seemed perfect .. when she was bout 5months i found out he had left me for a guy my bestfriend had to tell me what was going on behind my back, i feel like he has used me to get our little girl he told me to get over it when i found out he also has her 40% of the time custody which is really fair and tonight he took her off me and said its best if him and his bf raise her i would understand if i was unstable to look after her but i am a really good mum to her im 20 years old i refuse to go clubbing because shes always my priority shes always cleaned fed looked after has every toy she wants but its stil not good enough hes going to use my post natal depression against me iv suffered from depression since i was a little kid. can someone please help me get her bak or have ANY advice what so ever ,if your gay please dont do what he did to me its a really cruel thing to do to someone..

Recovery Order for my daughter

Amelia789 — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 08:38:25 GMT

My daughter is nearly 7. I have raised her on my own her whole life. Her father was not reliable and only since he got married in 2010 he has been reliable through his new wife. When I told him I wanted to move 5 hours away with my daughter interstate, we agreed on an arrangement. After moving everything to Brisbane, and moving my daughter, I have now received a "urgent recovery order". My daughters father is denying any agreement and is ordering through the courts my daughter be returned to his care and he is going for full custody and ordering I have supervised visitations?? Its beyond rude I know. But I need to know if anyone else has had to respond to 'recovery orders" and what they did to win? I have hired a lawyer, my affidavit and supporting affidavits are ready. I have proven in my case that I always supported the father daughter relationship and that how I plan to continue it... etc... I have a bit more time to prepare my case. If anyone has experienced a recovery order in a federal magistrates court and WON please tell me the strong points of your case that helped...

Absent parent and legal stuff

Whizzfiz — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 15:08:21 GMT

Okay, so my son is 4.5 years old and has just started Prep.

The history of his bio-father is as follows;
Never bonded with "our" son since birth, we separated when he was 2 months old. We went through an ordeal for about a year, where he wanted to get back together but showed zero interest in "our" son. Eventually, the harassing became too much and interfered with his "visits" with "our" son and he began threatening me with things like "I can take (child's name) and you can't do anything about it" and during one visit, he hit "our" son at age 18 months because he had bitten him. I told him that what he did was unacceptable and immoral and essentially child abuse. He got angry and told me that I had no right to tell him how to discipline "our" child despite having only visited him a handful of times (the time spend, mind you, was predominately talking to me).

I decided to talk to a lawyer and she suggested I get an AVO, to prevent him from hitting "our" child and harassing me. At the same time I also had a consent order drawn up which allowed for regular supervised visits. However after the having the orders approved he stopped contacting me all together and has had nothing to do with "our" son since.

I eventually stopped sending father's day cards etc and never received any birthday or Christmas cards from him either.

Recently, we have been in contact and I've asked for his consent in getting my sons name changed to my maiden name and have the orders changed so that I no longer require his consent etc. Initially, he agreed to all of the above, stating that he believes that neither of us should be inconvenienced and that I should have all rights as I have been his sole carer since he was born. He also said that "in (child's name) best interests, I will remain absent from his life" and that he feels that we should be able to move on and be happy in our new family as he is with his. (He has remarried and had another child and I have been with my partner for over a year now and he has become an amazing father figure to my son). Then he changed his mind and propositioned me with: "If you have child support stopped, I'll sign anything you want"

Initially I was almost happy to do that, just because it was the easiest option. Morally and out of principle, however, I cannot do it. I cannot "buy" the rights to my son, that I am already entitled to. He may have abandoned his responsibilities as a parent as the law allows, however the law doesn't allow for him to abandon his financial responsibilities.

I want to change the consent orders as none of it is now relevant. The court order states that we have "joint parental responsibility" which means I have to get his consent in relation to schooling, medical procedures and any other significant life decisions. I don't feel that this is practical or even necessary. They also state that I cannot apply for a passport for my child, which is a big issue as my partner and I want to take my son to New Zealand this year for the snow. It also stipulates regular supervised visits with the father, to which are completely irrelevant as the father has no intention of ever being a part of his life. The father has sort of agreed to sign the new consent order, however I'm sketchy as he has made promises in the past and is likely to use this to his advantage some how.

Has anyone gotten consent orders varied without the consent of the other parent, successfully?

I want to change his name, without the fathers consent and I know this is possible by applying to the court. I would like to know if anyone else has successfully done this?

I don't mean to be rude or blunt, however I am not looking for people's personal views or opinions on this situation, I am only seeking responses from people who have success in these areas, or relevant knowledge.

Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from some of you! =)

CAIRNS Single mum support groups

jennie13 — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 21:57:15 GMT

I really need a place that is supportive of my newly single mum situation, has advice, people to simply talk to and just to give me a place to go sometimes instead of sitting at home feeling lost.
Cairns Area... preferrably Cairns South Area.

Thanks

Cairns Southside single parent seeks buddy(s)

HereWeGo — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:08:04 GMT

Hey all u single parents male or female out there, who r looking 4 friends with kids or a active time out buddy. (especially on the weekends)
Well thats me! i have a 3yr old boy 70% of the time would like 2 meet some friends, u would be between 28 -35 or at my age (30) i should have some but i guess when u put all ur time in 2 ur family u miss things like that. Single for over a year now an its time 2 make friends. I work part time an study tho even with the my son, still have free time..lol.
We do like to get outdoors as much as I can, whether it be jogging, walking, swimming, camping, sport, having a night out or in with friends/family, bbqs, movies, drinking or just going out for a coffee, as long as im not at home stuck in front of the telly.

Icebreaker pinic nothing too flash for single parents

HereWeGo — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:52:37 GMT

Hi beautiful people, This is strictly for the single parents!
A crazy yet fun idea to break the ice and get together with the kids. Enjoy a Family Picnic/dinner in Cairns southside. Evening when its cooler say 4pm on...
Simple gathering we welcome ideas maybe add some fun ideas for the kids. We each bring small plate of food to share and BYO drinks. Location I am thinking of 2 parks with shade each includes play area for kids, BBQ, tennis court & basketball court. One has everything including duck pond with walkway which is nice.
Let me know what you think, your preference on days, times and leisure activities...

Newbie Introduction

mysonandme — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:00:16 GMT

Hi, I'm a single mum of a nearly 3-year-old son. I've been on my own with him since I was pregnant. I have him 100% of the time with no breaks. His dad lives in England and pays no child support. Mostly I love it and the strong bond I have with him... but I get so TIRED! I've had a couple of relationships. I'm considering ending the second one now due to kid-related pressures (his and mine). I live on an island, which is paradise! It gets lonely though, at times because the only people who come here to live are already settled (generally married). Week days are good, as I have some day care 3 mornings per week and my friends are happy to meet for mothers groups and play dates. Weekends suck and I get really lonely because all the other families have dads at home from work and want to do family stuff together. I'm hoping this forum will help me to feel a little more connected to people in similar situations to mine. Please post a reply and introduce yourselves, as I would like to know who's out there on this forum.

my ex, our daughter, our parenting plan & my ex his other daughter & his other parenting plan

Emmylea — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 19:22:05 GMT

ok, hold on to your hats kids, this may be confusing.

I'm after any feedback (good or bad) in regards to this issue.

My ex has an existing court order for a daughter he had before I met him. I am trying to organise a parenting agreement between us regarding contact with our daughter.

For the past 4 years, we have been operating under a verbal arrangement in regards to contact with our daughter. I was not working at the time so I was free to fit in with the contact he already had with his other daughter so the girls could have a relationship.

Now, I am working full-time, my daughter starts school this year & I have been working on 4 different option of a timetable. Most giving him more time, but also changing contact between the two girls.

He has told me "

The fortnightly cycle of the girls weekends together has been in place for over 4 ½ years now as you are well aware.

The same cycle has also been in place before (my daughter) was born up to almost 8 years."

We do not have a legal agreement & with me now working full-time & my daughter starting school our schedule & lives are different to that of his other ex & their daughter.

Am I obligated to continue with the girls contact?

WANTED: Aunt/cousin(s) type figures for a Bentleigh family

wisa1 — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 21:25:53 GMT

We are a busy Bentleigh family with four children under 7yrs. We are seeking a single mother to share our house in her own 'wing'. We would like to have an arrangement whereby each Mum would take care of the other Mum's child(ren) at times, in order to fit in work/study/having a life/spending quality time with their children-type commitments.

Financially, it would come down to receiving payment for your own domestic work (something women's lib has been lobbying for years!) This is a fantastic reward because it means less out-in-the-world work (possibly without compromising on dollars), less childcare and fewer 'living' financial commitments to name the main ones I can think of right now.

Lifestyle-wise, it will also mean more time with your own child(ren), being able to make your child smile because you can do canteen at school, more socialisation/education opportunities for your own child(ren) and less worry about your child(ren) when left with someone you are not sure is trustworthy. We would love to have someone whose role was kind of like an Aunt with a cousin-like son/daughter(s), sharing family activities/outings/meals and maybe bringing something to offer to teach our family like songs, games, music, art etc. My husband is an architect who is also really handy with a hammer and doesn't watch football out of preference for a life (making an excellent mentor for a boy). I am finishing a uni degree but have to return to work next year. In secret I am an aspiring writer. I also play some piano and speak some French. We also have a farm we are developing Wilson Prom way and would like our kids (esp the three girls) to become involved in horses, so country exposure is another opportunity for your child(ren).

Society makes it too hard to raise children in an enriching way, and often costs the parents
any dreams they had of their own when they were children. We challenge this notion and stress to you, that privacy and respect for all involved in this arrangement are of special importance. We also think that First Aid, Police Check and possibly WWC card by all the grown-ups is a good idea.

Our house will be ready to receive your family in terms of accommodation by January, since we are doing a fit-out for this purpose late November/December this year.

Is there anyone else out there with a similar vision?

cheers
Louise

Single parents on Central Coast NSW? or wanting to chat on messenger??

laurafraser79 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:59:40 GMT

I'm a single mum to a 6 month old baby looking for friends (Mums or Dads) in area to meet with. Also, if anyone is interested in being added to my messenger for online chats...

Single mother

mumtog+j — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 00:17:35 GMT

I've been separated from my children's father for almost a year now and have only just managed to come to an agreement about parenting orders. In the beginning there was a lot of conflict due to feelings from the relationship breakdown but now on my part i no longer have any conflict and am only concerned for the children. I am nice to their father, i try to be understanding and show support but he does not seem to be at the same point as me. whenever we are together (mainly for handover) he never looks directly at me except to give me what can be best described as a death stare. whenever he speaks to me their is a distinct amount of vile in his speech. i approached each contact with a fresh mind as if we have never had a disagreement. if there is something i wish to share with him i generally give a letter to avoid confrontation but he treats it like i have no right to give him any information about the children. he feels as though when the children are with me they are none of his concern and vice versa. He has now re-partnered and although i do not think the relationship will last i accept it as if it is permanent. now he gets his girlfriend to discuss issues with me instead of doing it himself. i feel that if i wanted to parent with her i would have had kids with her. i have expressed my dislike for this and i get the excuse that he is incapable of doing it because of his trouble to read and write. i know what he is capable of and feel that he can more then effectively send messages to me. i have concerns for where he is at i don't think he is doing what he wants just what is easier, he is not going to speak to anyone about his feelings.

basically i am looking for some advice or similar stories to help me co-parent effectively

Study - Friendship as social support in the lives of carers of very young children

chunter — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:23:45 GMT

Are you a single mum of a child or children aged 0-3 years living in Melbourne? Interested in talking about your experiences of support from friends and family?

I am undertaking a Swinburne University of Technology Honours research project about the role of friends in the lives of parents of very young children. The research aims to explore carers’ experiences and understandings of the support provided by friends. The study will also explore how this support may be similar or different to that provided by family. Your participation will involve taking part in one face-to-face interview. The interview should take between one and two hours to complete. You will be asked to discuss your personal experiences of friendship, particularly in relation to your role as the carer of a young child or children. The information you provide will be confidential.

If you live in Melbourne and are interested in participating in the study please contact Cathryn on: 0409 233 373 or email: chunter@groupwise.swin.edu.au

EARN MONEY FROM HOME... BE WITH YOUR KIDS

mummyof2boys09 — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 20:29:35 GMT

Let me make your financial goals be real!

I want motivated and determined people!

Willing to put time and effort into securing your financial independence!

My fabulous team and I will personally Help and Support every step of the way!

I guarantee you'll find this information absolutely valuable!!!

My name is Julie and I am a full-time stay at home mum of two. I am successfully running my own business, from home, around my children. This only possible because I have found a home based business that lets me work from home and be with my children every day!

How much time do your kids spend with dad?

Legs — Sat, 07 May 2011 09:18:15 GMT

Morning all,

Feeling a bit teary...... have plans this week end and needed my boys dad to have him from 2pm sat thru to 5pm sun but he will only have him to 2pm sun. I know three hours isn't a lot of difference but if he doesn't have him till 5 that throws my plans out the window for the whole of sunday and he may as well not have him at all. Am i really asking too much???

I have pretty much been a single mum since day one, even when we lived in the same house he did NOTHING to help and always put himself ahead of me and his child. Lately he has been ok, picking him up from school on wednesday and having him the night and taking him to TKD at least once a week which goes for an hour, he says this enough.

His comment to day was: "your a single mum, get used to it"

But I thought our boy had two parents???

I dont know what to say, i guess I just wanted to have a whinge, I haven't had a life in5 years, Ive studied, worked AND looked after our child on my own, I have no family in australia to call on to help, I just want him to help out a bit more

I just feel so lost and lonely and it makes me angry that he has all this "free time" to do what he pleases and i have none. And yes, i know there are loads of us in the same position but that thought isn't helping me today............

so how much time do your kids spend with dad?

Phone Calls From Parents

nazus70 — Sat, 28 May 2011 21:45:34 GMT

My husband left me over a year ago for another women (that's another story) and though our care arrangements are currently he has the our two boys 3 & 6 one night overnight on a Wednesday and every fortnight for the weekend he only called on average once a fortnight to speak to them. I ask through mediation that he ring them 2 to 3 times a week and he did for a couple of months but now refuses because he claims I listen to his phone calls to the kids, which is so not true. Seriously, I have better things to so with my time...

I just can't get my head around it. From seeing his kids everyday since they were born to now going from day to day not speaking to them is something I just don't get.
I just think it's sad for the boys especially for my oldest who can carry a great conversation.

I ring my kids each day I am not going to see them e.g Saturday, school holidays
Maybe it's a Mum thing...
I know he puts me on speaker but I don't care, I have nothing to hide.

Is anyone else experiencing this ? Is this normal ? Even if your a Dad, maybe you can help with this if it's something that you find hard to do ??

How do you tell you kids mum and dad are not together any more??

Anniemum — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 21:46:57 GMT

Hi
I am Annie.I have 4 kids. My and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. I said to the kids dad is on a trip for work for a few weeks. I thing after 2 weeks is the rigt time to say something to them. What do you think?

Thanks Annie

are 2 kids any more difficult than one if you're a single parent?

redleaves — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 10:33:56 GMT

I am a single parent and am considering becoming a foster parent to another child of a similar age.

Is it any more difficult to parent 2 children if you're a single parent than it is just the one??

I'd love to hear others experiences.

thanks

Shared Accommodation

wisa1 — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 13:40:39 GMT

Hi

I am not a single parent BUT

my husband (46) and me (40) have 4 beautiful young children 7 (b), 5.5 (g), 3.5 (g) and 16mths (g) and we are a looking for someone to share an idea of an enriching and easier lot in life because the treadmill and constant struggle these days wasn't what we dreamed about when we were kids. Ideally, we are seeking a like-minded single Mum who loves art, music, drama or literature that has a child/children that includes a 7-11 year old boy (to mentor our son). We hope we can all manage daily life and provide fantastic opportunities for kids that are not limited by not having enough money, and still have some room for the grown-ups' dreams to come true. We envisage more time and less stress and a better life overall. In material terms, we expect it would be ultimately financially rewarding for any single mum. As a family, we feel we have a lot to offer you and your child/children too. A bonus about my husband is that he is not into football and is more interested in building things and having a life on the weekends/holidays (he is an architect). IMPORTANT - this is not some weird sex cult thing. the only sex going on is between the people who are already married and that is discreet - obviously. If you are 'successful', provisions will be made for you to discreetly have your own relationship and if at any time you wish to pursue that in a more serious way by moving out, of course we would not try to hold you back. Our idea is more about a 'village' life and sharing the load. It's all above board.

Help me so I can help you

d_ebony2020 — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 04:40:25 GMT

I am a 33 yr old single mom of a daughter and have been this way for 6 yrs now. I have been through many ups and downs of single parenthood and still face them on a daily basis. I would like to create a blog to really help us single parents by offering no fluff, straight to the point insight of some of matters that we face so regularly. I firmly believe that allot of the issues that we face can be alleviated if we are prepared with the right tools and mindset. Our situation is tough as is so lets get together and begin to heal ourselves so that we can be better parents.
Please help by participating in this short survey and my promise to you is to bring insight on some of the issues we face. Thanks in advance.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/XWZGGX3

singel mums

blackbelle — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 22:03:09 GMT

Hey all u single mums out there, who r looking 4 friends with kids. Well thats me 2 i have 2 kids 7 & 8 an would like 2 meet some friends, u would at my age (31) i should have some but i guess when u put all ur time in 2 ur family u miss things like that. Have been on my own for 4yrs now an its time 2 make friends. I work part time an study tho even with the kids still have free time..lol.

New single mum seeking advice about child share arrangements ...

nikki_kiki — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 19:46:32 GMT

Hi all
I'm looking for advice about how to work out child sharing arrangements with my ex partner.
We are looking at 50/50.

I suggested the 2 days on two days off and he suggested one week each.
My daughter is 26 months and I'm afraid she's too young for that.

What sort of arrangements are good for her at this age.?

Thanks in advance

Nikki

Newly single and lonely

myspark — Fri, 13 May 2011 19:09:42 GMT

Hi all, call this a blurting out of emotion or just babble, but after separating from my husband for over a month now, the loneliness and realisation of it all has sunk it. I left my husband because he wasn't being the man I needed him to be for my special needs son. We walked into this relationship knowing he would need to change his ways to accommodate my son. But he decided to talk the talk and not the walk.

I feel so let down, I feel had and I feel taken for granted. All I wanted was to have a family for my son, it's not asking much is it ????

How do you all get through the lonely times, the times where you miss them, or want them back in your heart but you know in your head it's the worst thing to do. I am finding this so hard. I am dealing with a special needs child and the heartbreak of a broken marriage. How do I get through this. I feel so sad.

I do apoligize, complete babble, but there has to be a way of feeling better. I feel like I've tried everything in the dictionary, but maybe I have missed something.

Cheers to all

Looking for single dads for a story

LookingForSingleDads — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 11:14:37 GMT

I'm writing an article for a lifestyle magazine and I’d like to find some single dads with a girl or girls who have sole custody, and would be willing to discuss the challenges of raising daughters, and are also happy to be named and photographed. I’d also like to interview the daughters where possible.

If you fit the bill and are keen to share your story please email me (Alice): wasleya@newsmagazines.com.au

Any single parents-central coast nsw area?

lisaandmia — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 23:38:29 GMT

Hi All,

Does anyone know of any single mum/parent groups or support groups..... Newly separated after 11 years marriage... have only one child a six year old. Don't have many friends as marriage was mostly my life... If anyone was looking to meet up for a friendship or just a chat etc, I'd be very happy too...If not, would love to be guided in a direction of any support groups or places on Coast where I might meet new ppl.. :-)

Many THanks,
Lisa