Raising Children Network | Forums / Parents like me / Grandparents and kinship carers

grandma raising grandchild social network

grandmamum — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:15:30 GMT

I am a grandmother (or actually a step-grandmother) in my fifties raising a grandchild. My grandson is four now but will be turning five in January and starting school next year. I feel very much alone as I'm so much older than other Mums. We recently had orientation for Kindergarten next year and I felt very much on the outer. When I went to the Uniform Shop I was first in and last served because I don't think people realised I was actually there to buy clothes. I think they assumed I there with someone else. I'd like to communicate/socialise with others in my position.

Very Peeved

andonceagain — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:31:03 GMT

I am sick of being an invisible person who “cares????” for a grandchild.

I am an educated woman with a nursing degree who is struggling, financially as well as emotionally, to raise a highly volatile teenager. A teenager whom I might add has been badly emotionally abused and is now being torn two ways because “Mum” insists on trying to be a big part of his life.

Where is my help? Funding has been provided and although it may only be a minimal amount, it is being put to use for a free playgroup for babysitting nannies.

I, and many others in far North Queensland in my position, need to be able to interact with each other without any interference from those who say they know best.

Unless these people are in the same position, then they should keep their mouths shut and let the grandparents who actually raise their grandchildren 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, year in year out, help each other.

Anyone in Far North Queensland

andonceagain — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:15:22 GMT

I have a teenage grandchild and feel very lost at times. I thought when I raised my kids that would be it, but lo and behold, I have another one.

Does anyone know about "MyTime for Grandparents" and what they do?

MyTime for Grandparents program

Early Days — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:37:55 GMT

MyTime for Grandparents is a national program of facilitated peer support groups for grandparents who are the full-time carers of their grandchildren aged up to 18 years.

At the groups, you can find out about available community support, discuss issues that affect you, socialise and share ideas with others who understand the challenges and issues of your caring role. Groups are run during school terms and are coordinated by an experienced facilitator.

For more information, visit www.mytime.net.au/grandparents or telephone 1800 889 997.

MyTime for Grandparents is funded by the Australian Government and is nationally coordinated by the Parenting Research Centre.

3 nephews and 3 kids

mummyMamfa — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 08:55:44 GMT

I Have 3 kids 4yr old DD1, 1yr old DS and 5mth old DD2

I care for my 3 1/2yr old DN and twin 1yr old DN's from 7am to 6pm 7 days a week.

ive only been doing this for 6mths and it might be for another 6mths.

I find it hard not to favor my kids as i have molded them into the "perfect model" of children. The nephews seem to not like my stile of parenting and just dont seem to listen.

I get so frustrated. i cant understand why i need to treat them diffrently to my own. My house, my rules. they are sleeping at grandma's house and she has no control and dosn't seem to care what there getting into. all i hear from the older one is "im allowed at home" or "im telling nonna". Im quite oftern told by my MIL that i need to go easy on them as they've been thru a lot. i think they need a stable home and predictability.

Just some background: There house burned down so mum, dad and boys moved in with MIL. Dad left for someone else soon after the move. mum has never been the care giver as dad was the SAHD. She has lost her job for not turning up anymore. she spends all day sleeping and watching TV. MIL works her *** off with my DH on our family farm.

Do you think there should be diffrent rules for them to myne?

9 children seperated

worried_aunty — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:08:18 GMT

hello i'am new to this

My sister in-law passed away a few months ago and her children where taken in by her mother
now my mother in-law has gave them to the children welfare

As myself and my partner have seperated i am seeking advice if i should take some of the children into my home

myself and my sister in-law where really close and i have a close bond with her two babies aged 3 and 2

Granting Custody to Poppy

blmfld — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 21:02:47 GMT

I am new here but would like some advice.

I am a mother of 5 children and I have had a bit of an emotional meltdown, my mother was not supportive only wanting to take the 8yo and the younger threes father is NO HELP AT ALL!!

I have consulted my doctor and counsellor who have said that my decision to give my dad custody is the right decision to make because the children are happy healthy and safe with their Poppy!!

But how do I give him Legal Custody of the Children....I want the 4 kept together as the father of the youngest three has made it clear that he isn't interested in my 8yo; even though he is the only father that she knows.

My dad has organised payments from Centrelink, but i would like to get him as much help and support that he and his wife may need with the children.

While I have asked Poppy to maintain contact with the younger three childrens father, I personally would prefer that he stayed away as he does more harm than good emotionally to the children making empty promises and the like. His parents agree with me.

Anyone out there?

nan2two — Thu, 19 May 2011 17:29:55 GMT

Hello All,

I feel like I might be a voice crying out in the wilderness...is any out there?

I was just hoping that I might find some other grandparents to chat to in cyber land. I have been chatting on the families with Autism forum for a while now, but I was also hoping to catch up with others here who might be facing similar challenges as me.

I am a nanna who lives in an extended family situation with my husband and my daughter and her two children. My grandson who is 4.5 yrs has recently been diagnosed with mild Autism. My grandaughter is nearly 2 years. Life has been fairly crazy and challenging while we sorted out the diagnosis and early intervention but things are falling into place now. I am discovering that I am in a life transition at the moment...no mothering needed by me now, so I need to discover a new life. We moved back from NZ a year ago and I have been so busy since then that I didnt have time to sort myself out. But here I am. Any one want to chat??

long term care

lilmickey — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 18:04:23 GMT

Im currently conducting research on long term care and its effects on the ones providing/financing the care. I'd like to know how caregiving families manage to provide home care to sick/old family member.

For more long term care research, feel free to browse this site http://www.completelongtermcare.com/resources/

Help me please, grandchild (4.5yo) does not eat

grannie09 — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:30:49 GMT

Could the readers please please help me with a problem that I have been facing for years. My 4.5 year old dear grandson won’t eat. Not just occasionally, but as his norm.

Now please, don’t go down the grandparents shouldn’t interfere route as “it takes a village to raise a child”.

The problem is that he has a natural, probably inherited, tendency not to eat (his dear dad was like that) but this is compounded by parents who don’t think it is important. IF dear grandson skipped SOME meals, I would not be concerned as his other meals would be nutritious. The problem is that his parents do not offer nutritious meals. Fact. Breakfast comprises Choice’s worst-rated cereals or naked toast with butter and no protein (I’m a big believer in protein and veggies but the veggies are another matter); lunch is what he doesn’t eat at day care and dinner can often be naked pasta (when the rest of the family will have meat sauce, grandson is just given naked pasta as he refuses anything else). When he was a baby to toddler and was in my care many days a week, I made him baby food from hand minced fillet steak and vegetables which he ate and mother commented on how he was heavier when she picked him up only to have him return scrawny again, and again.

I know it’s not my job to make my grandson eat. It’s not. It’s his parents/my job to give healthy foods at regular meals and snacks. It’s my grandson’s job to eat it. The problem with this is that part 2 of the above is not satisfied.

He refuses everything: refuses meat and refuses to try anything new. This has been going on for years. He is very skinny and under-height. I have read copiously on this topic and the assumption is that the child eats nutritionally most, or half, the time and that a child’s body will tell him when he needs to eat. This is not my case. He receives very few truly nutritious meals and when he does eat, his meals are packed with sugar and are highly processed. I don’t feed him meals that he doesn’t like but he only eats the same three meals over and over at my house.

Now even severely malnourished children in Africa grow and walk and run. But I want my grandson to be healthy, attain his full potential and for his abilities not to be limited by his diet (ie attention span; brain, organ and skeletal development).

I have him one day a week so its not possible to implement a consistent regime. What can I do?

Helping out with grandchildren

zbazba — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 23:31:13 GMT

Hi

Those of you who are grandparents... I'm just wondering how often you look after/care for/babysit your grandkids?

Like me, most of my girlfriends are mums too. They are always talking about how their parents or inlaws help out lots with their children (babysitting etc).

Our daughter is 15 months old.

I don't have parents (my dad passed away & my mother has nothing to do with me).

My in laws live about 15mins away from us. They never offer to help out with our daughter (in particular babysitting). This is a real disappointment to me for several reasons....

1) Because I am a first time mum & it's all new to me and I could really use the help & support
2) Beacause I don't have a mum or dad of my own it would be nice if at least *someone* would help sometimes
3) Because neither my mother in law or my father in law work. Everyday they are free. But they won't help out. We have to get down on our hands and knees & beg them to babysit.

Do I have unreasonable expecftations?? What is going on here? I cannot for the life of me work out why my in laws won'thelp out.

Because all my friends keep raving about their parents and in laws always helping out it just cements my expectations that my in laws should be willing to help out sometimes.

What do you think??

How do I overcome feeling bitter & resentful towards my in laws (because they are so unwilling to help us out)???

thanks

HELP !!!

kirsty86 — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 19:48:13 GMT

Hey guys, im desperatly seeking advice / help from more experienced carers out there.

My partner and I have recently been involved in assisting his 15 year old brother who has some "home problems".

My partner comes from a family of 6 children, his parents divorced about 10 years ago. There are 4 girls 27, 25, 21 and 17 and the 2 boys 24 and 15.

His mother has been in contact with child services and had the 15 year boy old taken away from her because she couldnt mentally cope with having him around anymore. After placing him into care 2 of the sisters went and collected him under a 2 week trial period to give the mother and also the boy a chance to decide what he wants to do for his future. During this period the 2 sisters had care of the brother on weekends and my partner and I have been housing him and feeding him during the school week days. It has come to the end of the 2 week trial and the boy has decided that he isnt prepared to go home to his mother and would like to stay living with us during the week.

The sisters have spoken to a counciler and they have worked out that the child will recieve just over $1,000.00 a fortnight. The sisters have devised a plan where they will pay themselves $20.00 for the weekend and then pay my partner and I $50.00 a week to care for him, I personally think that this is absolutley ridicilous as they do not have the responsibility of taking him to and from school 5 days a week as we have just purchased our first home approx 3 months ago and we are across the other side of town as to where his school is located. This $50.00 a week allownce for my partner and I is to cover his food, his school lunches, his share of electricity, his share of the data usage on our internet (he is constantly playing x-box live and it annoys the christ out of me!), our fuel to drive him to and from school.

I have asked where the rest of the child support goes, is it unfair of me to speak to the counciler and request that they devise a plan where they distribute the funds accordingly between the both of us as to their calculations on living expenses etc?

I am so far out of my league here, i need your advice and comments on how to handle this situation.

grandparents rights to custody

Selma — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:48:36 GMT

this is my first post, I'm needing some advice and couldn't seem to find it in the forums.

My daughter had her baby last year after being a runaway teen for a couple of years. She turned up six months pregnant with the clothes on her back, she'd moved from shelter to shelter. My daughter has always raised hell, abusive, history of self harm and drug abuse.There is no dad, my daughter was raped.

I took her in, prepared her with the things she needed as a new mum, was there at the birth. They lived with us until the baby was six months old. I did most everything concerning baby, laundry, feeding etc. My daughter was often very abusive and resentful of the child. I asked her one too many times to clean her room as it was constant squalor and stank. She ran away with the baby. They went to different shelters, and now live in unsupervised emergency accomodation. My daughter has recently let me back into their lives. On the occasions i've been to her house it's absolutely disgusting, dead flies all over the kitchen, old food all over the floor, not vacuumed, bathroom disgusting full of dirty nappies.

I made a certain phone call over the christmas period when the baby was rushed to hospital with a very high temp. nothing has changed.

Other family members know what is going on with my daughter but refuse to speak up for fear the baby will be placed with strangers.

My other children (who do not have the same problems as their older sister, are loving and healthy) and I have bonded with this baby and love her deeply, it is hurting us very much to be in this situation.

What's the process really like? Will the child be able to live with me? I consider myself to be a young grandma at age 40, drug and alcohol free with a stable home.

LINK: GAP (Grandparents As Parents)

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:25:48 GMT

Grandparents As Parents (GAP) - a fully comprehensive website that is very self-explanatory and covers a broad range of areas.

http://www.grandparentsasparents.com.au/

Also available is a Grandparents As Parents Information Kit which is most relevant to grandparents living in the Sunshine Coast and Wide Bay regions of Queensland and caring for grandchildren aged 0 – 12 years.

LINK: Qld Govt - 'Home Assist Secure' service for people 60yrs & over or any age with a disability

allycat — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 19:07:40 GMT

Feel safer living in your home. Home Assist Secure is a service for Queenslanders aged 60 and over, or people of any age with a disability, who wish to remain living independently in their own homes or rental accommodation. To find your local office look under "H" in the telephone book or visit the Housing and Homelessness Services http://www.housing.qld.gov.au/

.

NB: Housing and Homelessness Services formerly the Department of Housing.

LINK: Livewire - Connecting and supporting through Online Communities

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:47:56 GMT

"... Livewire - is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Starlight Children’s Foundation and is partly supported by funding from the Australian Government under the Clever Networks Program and funding and in-kind contributions from Starlight and Livewire’s partners. ..."

Members - for young people aged over 10 and under 21 years who are living with a serious illness, chronic health condition or disability. Enables them to chat safely with other young people going through similar experiences.

Siblings - for children who have a brother or sister living with a serious illness, chronic health condition or disability, also aged over 10 and under 21 years. Enables them to meet other siblings who understand their situation.

Parents - for parents or carers of someone living with a serious illness, chronic health condition or disability. Enables them to connect with other parents and carers and share experiences.

Join up today (free site).

LINK: Computer Lingo and Acronym Index

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:34:53 GMT

The Computer and Chat Lingo Links.

http://www.city-net.com/~ched/help/lingo/jargonlinks.html

This site explains what you're probably not sure of when it comes to modern technology and communication. It's all the little abbreviations in conversations that your grandchild may be having on their mobile phones via texting sms messages, and in chat rooms on the internet.

For example:-

BBL = Be Back Later.

LINK: Seniors.gov.au - Resources for grandparent carers

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:20:16 GMT

seniors.gov.au - The online source for all Australians over 50

Resources for grandparent carers
http://www.seniors.gov.au/internet/seniors/publishing.nsf/Content/Resources+for+grandparent+carers

FYI: Medicare - Grandparents and Carers

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:17:54 GMT

Medicare - Grandparents and Carers. Answers such questions as:-

* Can I make a claim for medical expenses incurred on behalf of the child I am caring for?
* Do I need to have the child registered on my Medicare card to make the claim?
* How can I claim from Medicare?
* Do I need to have the Medicare card that the child is registered on?
* Can I add the child to my Medicare card?
* Can I add the child to my Medicare Safety Net registration?
* More information

and much more...

http://www.medicareaustralia.gov.au/public/claims/how/carers.jsp

LINK: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren NSW - Support Groups/where to find a group

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:16:23 GMT

Grandparents raising Grandchildren NSW ... where to go for help.

http://www.raisinggrandchildren.com.au/support1.html

FYI: Centrelink - Grandparents and carers who raise and care for children

allycat — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:13:20 GMT

Centrelink - Grandparents and carers who raise and care for children

http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/internet.nsf/individuals/pg_grandparents.htm

Infant Care Study - now closed

meliss — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:23:59 GMT

Hi everyone,

This study has now CLOSED -- a huge thank you to all who participated, the results will be sent in the next few months to those who requested them.

I would welcome views of grandparents/other carers for a study on infant care. The details and link can be found at the non-RCN research forum:

http://raisingchildren.net.au/forum/Topic10886-131-1.aspx

Thanks!
Meliss