Raising Children Network | Forums / Parents like me / Dads / should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth / Latest Posts

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

DOHZEC — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 23:25:51 GMT

I was present at all 3 of my daughters births and unless something unfortunate happens will be present at the next. I must say, I have been fortunate that all 3 were pretty much "average" births (ie, no major complications/normal duration). It's an amazing process and if nothing else it reinforces to me, what an amazing job my wife does (as do all the other women of course). As already mentioned you can feel a bit useless at times, but in speaking to my wife afterwards, she tells me that just knowing I'm there is a massive support in itself. Besides, she feels uncomfortable swearing at strangers so it must be nice to have a familiar face in there...

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

The ManDad — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 10:08:28 GMT

I agree with everyone's comments.
I was present for my son's birth, although I'm ashamed to admit I fell asleep in the corner of the room at one stage. He wasn't coming out naturally, so after an emergency caesar he arrived. It took 16 hours from go to whoa, and yes I felt momentarily superfluous, but was I traumatised and did it make feel inadequate? No!
Our second child arrived naturally, and I was able to cut the cord, and assist in other minor ways.
I'll be taking these cherished memories to my grave.

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

shellbelle85 — Wed, 25 May 2011 11:57:31 GMT

hi guys just have to say i fully agree with the above comments, and my hubby was present all the way through and even still likes to come to our little girl's dr appts etc, which is nice. It reassures me that he cares,and it really does strengthen his bond with her as well. and now what i wanted to say above all: there's a lot to be said for the so-called "passive" role. guys, even though the mother is the one who does the majority of things to begin with, if she didnt have the loving support and patience of her man, it would be soooo much harder to bear things and to go through it all alone, as some parents have to do. it is such a blessing to have someone there to bounce our irrational preggie- brained ideas and fears and thoughts off, to make us feel better when we"re emotional, to do midnight snack runs (never had one of those myself, unlucky!) and to hold our hands and soothe us and make us laugh and a myriad of other things. it is not nothing. there's not a single passive thing in the role of a supportive loving father and husband/partner. You should all feel incredibly proud of the role in your child's life. After all, you helped create it...

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

Tropics — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 12:18:09 GMT

I was present during the birth of our son and during the long hours of labour. I certainly felt like a dead weight, contributing very little (from my perspective). Perhaps made more so as my partner is a midwife. My thinking is that there isn't anything that I could tell her that she already hasn't seen or done in the course of her profession.

That all said, I'd do it again, the moral support is important and my own feelings of inadequacy are really minor in the scheme of things. Does have it any hangover effect.. No. There were no feelings of failure and no dent to my confidence.

As much as it may be a passive role, I still wouldn't opt of the birth to sit in a waiting room. There is much more value to be gained from being there and sharing the experience for what its worth.

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

lyndave — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 17:15:35 GMT

in 1986 my first was born, my wife endured 30 hours of labour............i took my annual holidays the day she went into hospital,i was with her all the time through labour and stayed home for 4 weeks after my daughter was born............i would not let my wife do any house work. and even after i was back at work, we used to take it in turns bottle feeding and changing my daughter. i loved every minute of it...............my daughter is now a mother herself...........its important to be involved totally in something so extremely important. come on guys do yourself,your wife and child a favour, it not only allows a great bond between you and your child..............it increses the bond you have with your wife.

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

bgalwey — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 10:05:00 GMT

Last Sunday (24th October 2010) At 11.33pm My wife gave Birth to a georges Baby Girl at Sutherland Hospital.

As i was involved in the 24hour labor and the time while my wife was pregnant i was not going to miss out on this opportunity no mater what the situation was.

If i were ever asked by anyone i would sincerely advise them to be involved as it changes the experience of fatherhood totally as i was not there for the birth of my son due to unfortunate circumstances i now know i missed out with that special bond.

Come on Guys get involved you will not regret it at all.

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

brettdaniels — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 20:06:52 GMT

My wife and I are expecting our first born on Christmas day and I must say, I'm extremely anxious and excited to see her born and play an equal role in her upbringing as a newborn. The survey about new fathers playing a passive role in the early stages is crap. Surely after my wife has given birth she would be very tired and having me help out with bubs would be beneficial to all of us! My sister in-law has been begging me to let her in the birthing room by taking my place, but no way!

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

Haylee3 — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 14:08:51 GMT

In my point of view, the dad is there from conception so he has every right to be there from the word go. My husband was there for both our children and both he and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It's just as exciting for the dad as the mum for the arrival.

My hubby was so supportive during my labours and was so encouraging. He rubbed my back when It became sore, and was reminding me to do the deep breathing etc. He cut the cord for our first born and for our second born, he helped deliver him into the world by pulling him out once his head was born. It was the best and most memorable experience he will ever have in his life!

I also had my adult daughter there too. She was 17 and 18 when her baby brothers were born and she was a god sent as well. She cut DS2's cord because my hubby helped with delivery.

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

ParentingASDkids — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:20:10 GMT

My daughter was born (July 2010) at home in a birthing pool. For all of us present, the experience was amazing.
I believe a dad's bonding through conception, pregnancy and at the actual birth is essential. The bonding is family bonding. The birth was less stressful for everyone.

My other children, two son's, were being cared for by their Auntie in another part of the house. Both son's (one ASD and one non- ASD) were given due cosideration through the pregnancy, so there would be no big surprises at the birth.

All the best

RE: should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

dave66 — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 23:24:10 GMT

I was in the pool for my sons home birth. It was and still is one of the best experiences of my life.

Dads who disassociate themselves from the birth of their children are not supportive in my view.

I am trying to be provocative in relation to getting more males on this forum to talk. Please guys stand up.

Cheers Dave

should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

SSAmbitious — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 10:25:02 GMT

So i read this research this morning summerised on ninemsn (article below dotted line). It suggests fathers feel as a passive support to mothers during pregnancy and birth, a feeling which limits their involvementafter baby is born.

What do you guys think?

I think its a croc. I want to be in boots and all with everything. I did at times feel superfulous but i knew making it easier for my partner made it easier for my son.

.........................................................

Pregnancy involvement damages dads' confidence

UK researcher says dads should stay out of the delivery room and leave pregnancy to their partners

Fathers-to-be who play an active role during their partner's pregnancy lose their parenting confidence because they feel like a failure, a UK researcher claims.

Dr Jonathan Ives from the Centre for Biomedical Ethics at the University of Birmingham is the lead researcher on a two-year study titled The Moral Habitus of Fatherhood, evaluating the philosophy and sociology of fatherhood, the UK's Guardian reported.

Men who attend antenatal classes and attend the birth of their child can emotionally shut down when they realise the only role they can really play during pregnancy and birth is a passive role supporting their partner, Dr Ives told the Guardian.

"Having begun the fathering role already feeling a failure may destroy his confidence," Dr Ives said.

"It can then be very difficult for him to regain faith in himself once the baby is born and move from that passive state to being a proactive father. His role in the family is no longer clear to him. He effectively becomes deskilled as a parent and this can lead to problems bonding with the child."

In the last two decades men have been encouraged to become more involved in their partner's pregnancy, but Dr Ives said this is "deskilling" men as fathers. Instead, he suggested men do not attend antenatal classes and do not attend the birth, staying outside until after their child has been safely delivered.

Playing a part in either of these elements of their child's gestation and birth caused men to feel helpless, Dr Ives said.

This, however, is the precise reason why men should be involved Adrienne Burgess, the head of research at the UK's Fatherhood Institute, said.

"That experience of helplessness that Ives is saying is so dangerous, is, in fact, the perfect preparation for fatherhood," Burgess told the Guardian.

"There are times as a parent when you can't do anything to help your baby, when it's crying all night and can't be soothed. Part of being a parent is being there for your partner and child without doing anything except providing love."