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My 14 yr old throws tantrums & threatens to live with my ex when she doesnt like my rules or if I get angry at her

Brian62 — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 15:08:47 GMT

My ex and I have been divorced for 6 years. We have equal custody of our teenage girls (50/50). My ex and I have totally different parenting styles. My ex is very soft with the girls, gives into their every whim and sides with them every time I try to discipline them in my own house. In contrast to their mum, the girls naturally think I am way too strict.

I will give an example of what happened in my house a little over 2 weeks ago. I am at a loss to what I can do about it. It was a school night & my 14 yr old daughter Gabi sent me a text at work to ask if she could go to Zumba classes after school and then stay at her friends house. I am happy for the girls to have sleepovers & a social life on weekends but not during the school week. So I said no. Gabi's grades have been all Cs & Ds and I would like her to put more effort into homework. Gabi turned up late to school 21 times last year & took 16 sick days off & her mum wrote her a note every single time excusing her for that and for not handing in homework on time. The teachers believed that was the cause of her poor performance.

Gabi then called me at work 4 times to argue her point. When I got home the arguing continued so I threatened to ground her. She replied that she would go and live with her mum permanently if I did that. I got angry and told her she could pack her bags & I would take her if she didnt like the rules in my house. Gabi ran out onto the street sobbing hysterically that I couldnt love her if I was prepared to let her live with her mum. Then she called her mum and asked her to pick her up (which she did). Her mum and the eldest daughter (17) consoled Gabi and uniformly told me off saying I was too strict & that I needed to apologise to Gabi because I upset her. 4 days later, I received a text message from Gabi's mum telling me that Gabi would be staying with her indefinitely & that Gabi didnt want to see or speak with me. I wanted to resolve it straight away instead of let it fester for weeks or months. I told Gabi she needed to come back so we could talk about it but that I wasnt going to back down on my rules. My ex & my eldest daughter said Gabi needed time to "recover" and that it wasnt fair to force her to come back before she was ready. My partner (of 5 years) and I are getting married in Thailand in July. I know I was using bribery to get Gabi to come back when I said the next bit but that was my only ace card. I sent Gabi a text asking if she would be back with me by July because I needed to book airfares. Gabi said she needed "a break" from me but assured me that she would be back in time for the holiday in Thailand. She hasnt text or spoken to me for 2 weeks since.

Trying to concieve

Megaman — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:53:37 GMT

Hi Dads.

My wife and I have just started trying to conceive. We have just been through her second cycle and there are a couple of things that I wanted to see if other men had experienced.
1. Did your partner turn a little bit into a crazy person at first? Being obsessed with internal temperatures being mapped out on graphs, logging when her nipples were feeling hard or soft, both are troublesome it seems.
2. Did your acts of love making go from being extremely passionate to passionless sessions of "OK, fill me up!".
3. After she apparently obvulated, did your partner then become obsessed with symptom spotting? Reading that she may be pregnant if she has to go to the toilet a lot more, and then going for a wee every 15 minutes? Looking at her breasts and asking if they had grown? Holding her tummy and saying "it feels different"?

I know it is early days and all very exciting! I just want to know if any other dads here have had similar experiences or any funny stories of how their partner acted when they first started try to concieve.

Fitness: Is this a good diet/exercise combination?

dailyfitness01 — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 11:55:04 GMT

Since I'm a student, I'll only post my 4small meals(I eat after my 5:00am morning cardio;then recess; then lunch; then dinner.)

As a small number of you guys may see, I made a typo on my last question and instead of saying 23% body fat, I type 13%, I apologise. But since 2 sandwiches a day and potatoes don't do much but leave me to starve, here's my new plan, dramatically changed:

Breakfast:
1 1/2 cup of oatmeal with milk(microwaved)
1 Granny Smith apple

Recess:
1 Bacon and lettuce sandwich
1 Medium-sized banana(yes, everyone makes fun of me when I eat that, you should get what that means)

Lunch:
1 chicken breast fillet
Peach slices(about 10 of them, which probably is enough to make 2 peaches)
Lettuce
Spinach Leaves
Almonds

Dinner:
1 fish fillet
Spinach leaves
half a tomato
Some iceberg lettuce
Some broccoli

Also, during the day, at random parts, I would eat a handful or two sunflower seeds, 5-10 strawberries and some oranges and probably another Granny Smith apple.

But don’t know are they really good?

This is my daily exercise plan:

From here I would like to point out that I don't care whether or not cardio burns muscle, I don't want to have much muscle and I don't want fat either, I want my body to be lean enough and to be ready for military service by the end of January.

Morning(empty stomach, burns more fat... and yes I'm exhausted but I play games on the iPhone before so I don't feel very stuffed):
Mountain Climber
Burpees
20 push ups

--30 second recovery--

High knees (30 seconds)
Russian Lunges (30 seconds)

--I don't train during school--

After school:

At the park:
Brisk walking(20 minutes)
Jogging(10 minutes)
Sprinting(3 minutes)

Then I come home and do:

Jumping squats(I do 1 per 2 seconds and keep at it for 30 seconds so that's 15 reps)
Side-to-side push ups(same speed as above)
Mountain climber(for 30 seconds)
Half-burpees(for 30 seconds)

Rest for 60 seconds

High knees(30 seconds)
Russian Lunges(30 seconds)

--the above 2 are repeated in 2 more sets, leading to 2 more minutes of doing both of them--

--30 second recovery--

20 push ups
30 seconds of star jumps and finally,
30 seconds of mountain climber

--then I finish by 7:00pm and do what I always do at night, go on the computer and do my homework.

Dads

dave66 — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 23:39:32 GMT

Is there any dads on this forum or am i the only one?

Talk up guys please.

Cheers Dave

More Meaningful Birthday and Holiday Gifts

HarleyDad — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 17:17:16 GMT

Hi Everyone
Does anyone here ever think about the amount of useless stuff that kids gather over the years for the birthdays, holidays etc?? Have any of you ever wondered about more meaningful gifts to give? I’m talking about like “giving $$ for college” or “giving $$ for a vacation” or “giving money for an instrument” vs that toy that they won’t play in a couple weeks or the video games that get outdated in a month.
I have been looking for ways to give my kids and nieces and nephews more meaningful gifts. What do you guys think about this?? Does this ever cross your mind?

Dad groups

babetterman — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 21:25:57 GMT

Have had an issue for a while of the lack of 'dad & father groups' to do with new fathers after the birth of a child.

Wondering what other males are doing and are there groups around your area or through your local council.

I spoke to Jr's MHCN last week and (ready for this) in her 16 yr's in the job she never thought about starting or supporting a like group. I've told her I'm happy to help get one started if she can get a council venue for us to meet.

What are others doing?

New Man around the kids, how do I cope with that..?

dontexist — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 12:12:02 GMT

Hey peopke, I am hoping on some advice from dads and mothers I guess.

I have 2 little angels, 6yr old boy and 2 yr old little girl.

They both live with their mother and she has recently got into a relationship.

she told me, not open for discussion that she is introducing the kids to her new man.

I am tring very hard not to let me emotions and anger take hold.. (Just a male ego thing I guess).

But how do you handle this..?

having another man around your children..?

Knowing this guy is probably going to see them and spend more time with them than I am..?

I'm still trying to let the relationship go.. which doesn't help still having feeling for your ex.

I would really value someones perspective on this please.

Trying to blend a family

fearfulDad — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:39:54 GMT

Hi Fellow Dads,
I am seeking any kind of help with my current situation.
I separated from my wife over three years ago, i have two boys aged 11 & 6. I have re-partnered with an awesome girl who has a 9yo daughter. I have the boys on a very regular basis (approx 6 nights p/f).
I am struggling with the relationship between my 11yo and my partner, with constant bickering between them and a lot of "well my mum says". My ex constantly tells my boys that my new partner is "the cow that took your Dad away" and "the more you be naughty and make Dad and her fight the better that way i can get him back" and "you don't have to respect her because i don't"
Some of the things he says are quite spiteful and hurtful to her, but always out of my earshot. so then i get the two of them telling me their version of the story.
Then i have the constant fighting between my son and my partners daughter to top one another all the time its a constant competition between them.

How do i deal with this, my kids mean the world to me, but so does my partner?

I fear i have to lose something here, and at the moment its my sanity?

What's in a Name? Research Project: The significance of Surnames and Personal Names to Australian Parents

researchmum — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 11:36:38 GMT

Hi

We would like to invite you to participate in our online survey for parents on family names and personal names. We believe this will be of great interest to you.

You will find the survey at:

www.whatsinanameaus.wordpress.com

The survey will help us answer the following questions about contemporary family life. How do women decide whether to keep or change their surname when they get married? How do couples decide on their children's first names and surnames? What issues of belonging or identity do these decisions raise for parents? We know very little about what Australian women or men think about this topic.

Participation is confidential and through a short online questionnaire that only takes 15 minutes. Respondents to the questionnaire can also leave their contact details to take part in a follow up telephone interview if they choose.

The research team is Dr Deborah Dempsey and Lara Mainka at Swinburne University and Dr Jo
Lindsay at Monash University. The research has been approved by the Swinburne University Human Research Ethics Committee.

For more information about the project, please reply to Lara at lmainka@swin.edu.au

We look forward to hearing from you soon,

Best wishes,

Deb Dempsey and Jo Lindsay,

Co-Investigators.
What's in a Name Australia Project.

CALLING ALL MEN-AT-HOME! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!

DWilmore — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 13:01:07 GMT

Hi everyone

I am a Phd student from the University of Western Sydney with a research focus on the family. Being a working mum, I have a particular interest in how families negotiate work and home life in non-traditional arrangements.

I am currently recruiting for a project about Men-at-home in which I want to investigate the experiences of men who have given up full-time paid employment to take up homemaking.

I would really appreciate your opinions or perceptions or experiences of what it is to be a man-at-home.

I can't wait to hear from you all!

Where are all the stay at home Dads

elisabethsewell — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 11:31:11 GMT

OK I know that I am a mum but my husband has taken on the enormous responsibility of looking after our kid’s full time. He has been doing this for 12 months now and I can't believe the lack of social networks - play groups etc for the stay at home dad.

Men don't talk about the same things as women. They talk about sport the weather and other men stuff. Yesterday he noticed that our next door neighbour had a mutual friend over for a play date and a chat, both were women - he said, “I don't really have anyone that I can do that with as most of my mates work etc.”

So I challenge all of the stay at home dads in the Manly area to make contact, I will help get the network started and you guys can start enjoying an interesting relaxed environment to have fun with your kids but the mental stimulation of male adult company.

The first play date will be at Queenscliff Park next Wednesday 19th at 10am - if it is raining then perhaps our house in Balgowlah would be an option - depending on the numbers of course.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Lizzie wife of Alan and mum to Isobel and Tom

Dad with children who have Autism (including aspbergers & PDD-NOS)

ricky — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 16:18:26 GMT

Just thought I'd say the moderators created a whole section for you dads in the "Parents of children with ASD" forum. I know from time to time some of you drop in here.

Strategies for coping with a disobedient 3 yo!

DOHZEC — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 23:38:38 GMT

Hi fellow fathers out there,

I have 3 girls aged 7, 3 & 1 (and another one due in Sept!). The 7yo lives with us part time as she is from a previous relationship. She is a well behaved, well adjusted kid who I have very rarely had to discipline.

My 3yo on the other hand, is cheeky, disobedient and can be very testing at times (the rest of the time she is gorgeous). She throws tantrums and pretty much refuses to cooperate when she really turns it on. I have recently tried to change my strategy for dealing with this as I began to find myself screaming and trying to rationalise with this little person who has no real understanding of consequence and threats. I also found that I would suffer terrible guilt and hate myself as I was disgusted by my own behaviour in dealing with a child this way. I also have found that it is impacting on my relationship with my eldest as she is seeing a side of me that I have never had to display to her.

I sometimes feel as though I am starting to lose control. I'm not sure whether I am taking other frustrations out on this poor child or am I simply not dealing properly with the issue presenting itself.

Any suggestions/recommendations would be appreciated.

Craig.

Coping with change and a deteriorating marriage.

tom73 — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:59:07 GMT

Hi.

I'm in a jam...I have two children..one 4 the other barely 4 Months old.

I love my children more than life itself and have no regrets in having them...but my marriage has nosedived since they were born...not an easy thing to say..but it has taken a back seat..and I would like to see if other Dads have experienced the same deep changes that have affected me with the introduction of children.

I'm teetering on the edge here and would like to call it quits..but don't want it to adversely effect the kids...My son (the eldest) would feel the effects, I know...but what do I do?

Hope someone with a kind nature might help me out of a bad situation here....

thanks.

should dads be involved in pregnancy and birth

SSAmbitious — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 10:25:02 GMT

So i read this research this morning summerised on ninemsn (article below dotted line). It suggests fathers feel as a passive support to mothers during pregnancy and birth, a feeling which limits their involvementafter baby is born.

What do you guys think?

I think its a croc. I want to be in boots and all with everything. I did at times feel superfulous but i knew making it easier for my partner made it easier for my son.

.........................................................

Pregnancy involvement damages dads' confidence

UK researcher says dads should stay out of the delivery room and leave pregnancy to their partners

Fathers-to-be who play an active role during their partner's pregnancy lose their parenting confidence because they feel like a failure, a UK researcher claims.

Dr Jonathan Ives from the Centre for Biomedical Ethics at the University of Birmingham is the lead researcher on a two-year study titled The Moral Habitus of Fatherhood, evaluating the philosophy and sociology of fatherhood, the UK's Guardian reported.

Men who attend antenatal classes and attend the birth of their child can emotionally shut down when they realise the only role they can really play during pregnancy and birth is a passive role supporting their partner, Dr Ives told the Guardian.

"Having begun the fathering role already feeling a failure may destroy his confidence," Dr Ives said.

"It can then be very difficult for him to regain faith in himself once the baby is born and move from that passive state to being a proactive father. His role in the family is no longer clear to him. He effectively becomes deskilled as a parent and this can lead to problems bonding with the child."

In the last two decades men have been encouraged to become more involved in their partner's pregnancy, but Dr Ives said this is "deskilling" men as fathers. Instead, he suggested men do not attend antenatal classes and do not attend the birth, staying outside until after their child has been safely delivered.

Playing a part in either of these elements of their child's gestation and birth caused men to feel helpless, Dr Ives said.

This, however, is the precise reason why men should be involved Adrienne Burgess, the head of research at the UK's Fatherhood Institute, said.

"That experience of helplessness that Ives is saying is so dangerous, is, in fact, the perfect preparation for fatherhood," Burgess told the Guardian.

"There are times as a parent when you can't do anything to help your baby, when it's crying all night and can't be soothed. Part of being a parent is being there for your partner and child without doing anything except providing love."

MEN WITH POST NATAL DEPRESSION

Melbscribe — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 12:01:58 GMT

I am a journalist writing on this topic and I would love to speak to any males who have experienced this to raise awareness. Please email me on dohertye@heraldsun.com.au.

I am not a dad, but I would love some male perspective

bejarnie — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 18:11:08 GMT

Hello all,

I have an ex we broke up over 2.5 years ago and we only dated for 2 years, he lives in the UK so never see him, and last night i accidently found out through his PA that he is married and has a 4 month old son. I am honestly happy for him, however i find that i dont know what to do with this information, seeing he hasn't told me him self should i not say anything..... or should i let him know i know????

i dont know what to do.

cheers

PHOTOGRAPHER REQUIRES 10 STAY AT HOME DADS

jodieharris — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 23:10:48 GMT

Hi Everyone!

My name is Jodie Harris I am a photography student in Brisbane. As part of my Social Documentary assessment I need to complete a Portrait of a Strata; which is basically a series of portraits from ten different people who share a common characteristic. I am investigating the experience of parenthood but more specifically the experience of stay-at-home dads.

If you live around the Brisbane area and are a stay at home dad please get in contact.
I would need 10 people to allow me to spend a couple of hours with you in order to get a photo. I would like to take the picture in your own home and would need to set up one or two lights.

I can not pay for this as I am a student, but would supply everyone who helps me out with a free portrait of themselves.

Please contact me on

jodieharris82@hotmail.com
0415196 867

Thanks in advance.

Transporting frozen food while travelling

alflow — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:22:36 GMT

Hi

I will be travelling to Malaysia soon.

My wife wants to bring some home-cooked frozen food (mashed chicken).

Fortunately, we will be staying in a hotel with a fridge.

The issue I have is how to safely transport frozen mashed chicken during the 6 hour door-to-door journey?

Regards
Alfred

Seeking dads who use family day care or work as family day carers

awilson — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 13:46:45 GMT

Hi everyone,

I am a PhD student at La Trobe University in Melbourne. My research explores the relationships between nannies, family day care workers and the parents who hire them.

I am looking for mums and dads who currently use family day care or work as family day carers who would be interested in speaking with me about their experiences. Interviews usually take about 1 hour to complete and can occur via email or in person (if you live in Melbourne).

If you are interested in participating, please contact me via email or telephone.

Thank you.

Amy Wilson

PhD candidate

Sociology and Anthropology

La Trobe University

Bundoora, 3086

Email: aeoconnor@students.latrobe.edu.au

Phone: (03) 9479 2747.

Returning to work.

Tropics — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 21:40:55 GMT

I'm not sure how alive this forum is, but I'll throw the question out there. I'm a stay at home Dad and have been for 7 months now, looking after a 2 year old. I have no immediate plans other than continuing status quo, but have wondered how this might be affecting future employment prospects, given that I can't be looking after a toddler for the rest of my working life.

With some 20 years in the workforce already, early forties if you are doing the maths, has anyone else given any thought or had any experience with this?

part time stay at home dad seeking existing parent and baby groups in sydney

russelsmith22 — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 14:43:11 GMT

i'm looking to relocate to sydney from the central coast with my wife - we both work part time and it'd be great to be able to tap into existing parent and baby group/s that welcome both dads and mums

russell

Something new for stay at home dads

man at home — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 15:11:18 GMT

Hello

I'm an at home dad in Australia. There is next to no sites for stay at home dads here so I have recently started a web site for stay at home dads.

I would welcome any feedback

Thanks

www.menathome.com.au

help me deal with my partners ex!!

hanna03 — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 01:03:28 GMT

Hey there,

I'm hoping for some advice...

My current partner and I have been together since July 2008. He has a daughter who is now almost 4 years old. He met his ex overseas and they lived together for a few years in the middle east (he's English, she's Australian). They where near break up when she decided she would try to make him stay by having a baby... She called from Australia one day announcing she was pregnant and 'that they where moving to Australia now'. My partner decided to give the relationship an honest chance and to be with his unborn child. He transfers all his earnings to her bank account in Australia (approx $40.000 AUD) and she goes ahead and buys a car (in her name), a news agent (in her and her parents name) and a townhouse (in her name). She gets a lot of support from her parents and they pay for a lot of things but uses my partners money as well. They tell him he can't be on the papers because he's not Australian. The daughter was born and they end up selling the townhouse where they both lived and they made a $60.000 profit. They also sell the news agent (profit still unknown) but my partner worked there for free for more than a year. They move in with her parents and decides to buy land and build a house. Her parents again say they will help out. The newsagent owned by the ex and her parents was according to them my partners and his ex. He wasn't even allowed to do the banking and has no idea how much profit the business made. Since they had no employees working for them and did all work themselves there would have been a profit.

They go ahead and buy land and start building a house. They also start paying back the ex parents for the money borrowed for the house and land. Then they split up a few weeks before the house was finished. It was my partners decision to break up with the ex. The daughter was then 14-15 months old.

As they where living with her (millionaire) parents until their house was being built my partner was instantly on the street. The day after they split up, the ex went to the bank and took out the approx $75.000 they had in their shared accounts. Some of it was for the final payments of the house. My partner was without money, without house, all he had was the little 2 door Getz, the news agent had as a business car. He stayed with a friend who was getting separated from his partner as well. The friend put his separation on hold for my partner.

A few weeks later my partner meets his ex in a car park outside a lawfirm. She tells him he can get $15.000 for now he just needs to sign tis receipt. With that he could get a new bed, pay a rental bond and buy some food and new clothes (some of his old clothes 'just disappeared' in the separation. The ex also gives him some scratched dvd's for the daughter and some of her old toys (example Dora the Explorer lego without a Dora toy = just crap!!) she also gave him a few plates & bowls that they had, a few of them where cracked.

Then in a later conversation the ex drops 'So now when you are not listed on the house anymore' My partner doesn't really understand, as far as he is concerned he hasn't signed over the house on her. But 'apparently' he has signed this 'transfer' where it's got the address of the house they built in tiny writing and it's very 'blurry'. He also signed that receipt. On it it has her signature and full name, my partners signature & full name and a justice of peace (who was not in the carpark when my partner signed the paper). The ex has attached this paper to a 'contract' pretty much saying she has paid him $15.000 and she gets the furniture, everything in the house, including things like a new dining table set $4.500, plasma tv, fridge, beds, all kids toys, clothing, sofa, outdoor furniture, the brand new plates and everything else they bought for the house valued min $15.000. Plus she gets the car (2006 Model auto Honda Civic) and of course she also has the house they built together. In the contract it say's the ex parents helped with $380.000 of the house I think the building & land cost was $440.000 so they have obviously taken off the $60.000 profit they made on the town house. The house is valued today at approx $480.000 - $520.000.

The ex tried to sell the house and had it marketed at $520.000 but my partner went to a lawyer and a 'block' was put on the house so she couldn't sell it without giving him the figures. He could get the block as

She got

$100.000 profit in house (probably a lot more since the money in profit from the newsagent sale
was never showed to my partner)
$22.000 car
$15.000 + furniture

Total
$137.000

My partner got
$15.000 cash
$8.000 car

Total
$23.000

I have to ad as well that her parents are millionaires and my partner doesn't have anything! She has a lot of financial and family support as they moved close to her parents area. My partners family lives in England and he has no family support here. The ex has primary care for the daughter and my partner has the daughter approx 30% of the time.

She doesn't let him in on anything with the daughter - she also has all papers for the daughter. My partner didn't even know where his daughter went to day care. He also does 95% of the driving (110kms) too see his daughter to pick up/drop off. Most of the times the ex isn't there (she's an air hostess so flies a lot) so the daughter lives with the grand parents. The ex lived in the house my partner and her built together for a while but most of the times he had to drive to the grandparents to pick up/drop of. The ex has stopped my partner from seeing he's daughter at 3 times. When they first broke up, when she first heard about me and when someone saw me and my partner together. The last time he got a text message he that he didn't need to worry about picking up his daughter in the morning. He of course replied that the time they set was still on and that he would be there to pick up his daughter. The ex wasn't at the house and refused to answer the phone. My partner didn't see his daughter that weekend and went to mediation to get an agreement in place.

The ex was at the mediation place early and had left a message in the reception that my partner was to pay for the session ($160). They argued a lot but made a plan for when my partner would see the daughter. It worked but he did all the driving. Sometimes pick up and drop of the same day at the grand parents place (220kms in one day). The ex didn't do any driving saying 'she wasn't around to do it, she's out flying.

Anyway the ex is saying she won't go back to mediation again. She only let my partner see his daughter when she is

a. at work
b. needs a baby sitter
c. when she's on holiday

The ex rented the house out for a year and made $20.000 + profit while she was living at her
parents place. Now she is about to move back to the house again.

I have a great relationship with the daughter almost 4. We get along really well and always has, but sometimes she will come to me and say things like 'mummy doesn't like you', 'you are not a part of my family' (her mum has also called me a bitch in front of her daughter). she also comes and say upsetting things like that her mum loves her more (gosh she is still only 3, she shouldn't even be thinking things like that!!!). Her mum doesn't allow her to talk about me and the mum seems very jealous of me and copies everything we do. I bought the daughter my little pony toys, her mum get's them too. I buy beads to make bracelets, her mum does it too. I buy Strawberry short cake toys for the daughter, her mum does too.... You get the idea!!

I have lived with my partner for almost 2 years and see the daughter for 3-4 days/2-3 nights a week.

That's a bit of a story...

Anyway, my questions is what can my partner do about his ex blowing him on the fraud contract (separation agreement) I might add that the pages of the agreement are not numbered or individually signed. It's just the blank page with the signatures that my partner has actually signed against a windscreen in the car park and supposedly the house transfer (if she didn't fake that).

and what can he do about her making 100% of the decisions for the child?

The girl will come to us and tell us she is no longer going to the same day car or that her mum is having the daughters ears pierced or that her mum is taking the daughter to Bali for her 4th birthday coming up in less than 2 months, things like this without even asking my partner for his opinion or like 'Is it ok if you don't see your daughter for her birthday for the 3rd year in a row?'

Also, the driving? She doesn't do any of it, can my partner get that off against the child support?

He's partner hates me and she has told him she doesn't like me spending time with the daughter or look after her. She is very up and down. Sometimes she is nice to my partner, usually when she
needs to change him seeing her or when she need a baby sitter. But as soon as he tries to negotiate something with her, like the times he will see his daughter, she goes crazy and tells him he has no right and that it's up to her to make the decisions since he f"!@#^ left. That kind of thing... It's all ok as long as my partner just replies 'yes' to whatever she tells him. She very often changes the times he can see the daughter sometimes she will change every weekend for a month, to suit her plans.

WHAT CAN I DO??? I feel so powerless as I can't get involved.

My partner hasn't got any assets so supposedly legal aid might help him, but would they help
him fight the fraud separation contract? The contract can be void if it supposedly very unfair to
on of the partners or to one child. Both my partner and he's ex has similar income.

Would the court work in my partners favour when the ex is flying a lot and often leaves the home
in the middle of the night. The daughter often comes to us upset that she woke up and her mother was gone without saying good bye. She did have the grand parents but it's not the same.

My partner has a very good relationship with his daughter and she loves her dad!

Please give me some advice on this!!!!

Dealing with my son

mark1969 — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 19:59:31 GMT

I have a 16 year old son who is just refusing to entertain the idea of getting a job or looking for work. He says that he does not want to be an adult and wants to stay a child as he is scared.

I have tried everything but all he is interested in doing is sitting in his bedroom on the PS3.

Myself and my wife think that he has some form of Autism but the doctors are dismissing the idea.

Any advice as to what I should do?

Any help much appreciated

camstew — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 01:57:58 GMT

Hello, my name is Cam Stewart, i am doing my final design project this year and i am looking at designing a multi functional childs toy. i would appreciate it immensely if you took some time to answer these few quick questions.

1 )In thinking about activites for your child, what typed of toys or equipment might you buy for your child? (balls, bikes)
2) What do you think a child gains by playing? (skills, understanding of how things work, team work)
3) What types of toys/sporting equipment do you like to buy for your child? Why?
4) When purchasing a toy or piece of play equipment, what things do you consider?
5) What do you see are the biggest problems with toys or sporting equipment currently sold?
6) What types of toys would you prefer to see on the market?
7) On a scale of 1 to 10 (one being the lowest 10 being the highest) how important do you think coordination is in the development of a child?
8) Would you rather buy a toy that has more than one function (something that transforms into something else? E.g. a chair and table into a bike) if so, why?
9) what materials would you rather the product be made of?
10)if you could choose what this product transformed into what would you want it to go from and transform into?

Thanks so much,
Cam

Hurt Daughter from a father's silly judgement

Noremac — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 07:50:43 GMT

"Hello everyone,
I need some thoughts on my situation.... I feel terrible, I need advise and not judgement...
Where do I start?

I have a 6 year old little girl and I have just noticed that she kept bringing up an argument I had with my wife months ago. The argument was about tomatoes I bought for the family to make bruschetta, for some stupid reason the issue about the tomatoes got bigger and bigger... I lost my temper and threw the packet on the wall. This scared my daughter and I felt terrible, I wish I could take it back but I can't. I saw panic in her and I cannot erase that from my mind. It was such a small issue I can't believe it got so big..
Last night my daughter was upset about something else and she brought up the argument again. It came very very clear to me that I scared her, I explained to her that the argument wasn't directed at her and I asked her how she felt, she just cried more. I told her she was loved and that Papa should not have gotten angry and Papa is not perfect and will make mistakes. I also said I was very very sorry.
God is a very big part of her life at the moment so we prayed to God about my anger and about the family and to make sure this Sunday does not rain for her birthday party. I woke up this morning and felt worse.
I am a tall person so to a little person I appear to be a giant. I am not physical towards my family but I also know that emotional can hurt as much as being physical, I am now at my wits end and I am punishing myself and keep telling myself I was not going to be like my father who was a drunk and very abusive towards my mother. I have managed everything but the anger, I have done courses to understand my anger and how I react to things but when I am at a weak moment I lose all the training I received from the course. As far as I know I have a happy family and the arguments with my wife are scarce.
Can someone please give me some sanity about my situation, have I damaged my daughter forever? How do I really tell my daughter that this was not right and that I how I reacted was 'silly' as a man and a father figure I am very careful about how I relate and react in front of my daughter as I have read that my relationship with her is how she will relate to men in later life.
It is true what they say about parenting, there is never a single answer to a situation and there is not a manual that can tell you exactly what to do. I wish I have never reacted the way I did in front of her but I did... for that I am devastated.
My wife and I have always made sure my daughter understands that that no matter what life throws at you, it is the way you react to that situation that matter in the end..
Thank you for listening"

Young widowers raising kids alone

Freelance — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 11:44:11 GMT

Are you a father under 40 who has been left raising your kids on your own because of bereavement? Do you know someone like this? I'd like to talk to you. I'm a journalist writing a feature on young widows and widowers for the Body & Soul supplement of NSW's Sunday Telegraph, Victoria's Sun Herald, Queensland's Mail on Sunday etc. I've already found a number of women to talk to but I need to speak to a man. All it would take is a brief chat over the phone and I would need a photograph. I think it is important to make our readers across Australia aware that bereavement isn't something only older people have to deal with. But that there are places to turn to for help. Please contact me on gifford.candice@gmail.com or 041 582 3850 if you know of someone who I could talk to. Many thanks

Jusy a quick intro

The ManDad — Wed, 26 May 2010 14:11:46 GMT

Hi there, I've subscribed to this group for a while, and even though I haven't joined in the conversations yet, I thought I'd quickly introduce myself.

I'm a 50 year old bloke in a long-term relationship, with a beautiful boy 3 (almost 4), and a girl, 15 months. About a year ago I realised I was beginning to parent my son in the same way my Dad parented me; which wasn't completely harmful in itself, but in the sort of open, dynamic, and communicative relationship I have with my partner, behaving like my Dad was simply going to drive us apart. And I just wasn't happy, either, most of the time - just pervasively sad. Being a new Dad is not a bed of roses. Duh!

Through my GP I went and got some Medicare-funded psychotherapy. I reckon I presented to my therapist as a man who masks his lack of confidence, self-doubt, and inaction, with a smoke-screen of put-downs, criticism, and frustration when I perceive things don't go my way.

After 18 sessions I practise some of the mental skills I learned most moments of the day: and my life (and our life) has improved. There's still a fair way to go, though.

By profession I'm a registered nurse with additional mental health qualifications, and I've worked in a youth mental health service in Melbourne for 15 years. So it's a case of 'physician cure yourself', but I reckon joining in the conversations in this Dads forum is going to help too.

Richard

Bedtime for toddlers

RIV — Mon, 03 May 2010 21:03:10 GMT

Does anyone else find this normal?:

My 2 year old won't go to bed until anywhere between 10-12 at night, has virtually no sleep during the day (as a result is driving my better half up the wall at the moment!), is of course exhausted and sleeps until 8-9 the next morning, and then the cycle just repeats itself!

At times it disrupts the sleep of our 10 month old so it has not been unusual over the last few weeks to have both kids up at 12 or 1 in the morning ready to play as if its 9 in the morning! Eventually they go to sleep again (sometimes not until 2) but meanwhile it obviously affects my work the next day, but I'm more concerned about my wife, who, being a stay at home mum at the moment, is often exhausted and fed up each afternoon that I get home from work (between 4-5pm).

Is anyone else experiencing this!!?? I'm not saying that the above happens every day, just enough to drive us close to insanity!

Raising Adolescents

kylieb2 — Tue, 18 May 2010 09:34:06 GMT

Hi everyone,

If any of you have an adolescent child or children between the ages of 10 and 18 then a new study at Swinburne University could use your help. The research involves parental and adolescents opinions on the specific challenges surrounding raising adolescents and the quality of the relationship between parents and their adolescent child/children. I've posted a full description of the research and the link to the survey itself in the non-RCN research forum. If any of you fit the bill and are interested then please head on over, using the link below, and have a read of the complete description. My contact details are also posted there if you have any questions regarding the research.

http://raisingchildren.net.au/forum/Topic28000-131-1.aspx

Thank you,

Kylie Burke

Support for Single Fathers

suprevq — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:24:55 GMT

I'm a single father and wanted to let other single fathers out there that there is a support and information group out there for you.

It's called Fathers4Equality (www.f4e.com.au).

I am a member and being passionate for the cause became a volunteer.

I am concerned about the Federal Government rolling backing shared parenting laws.

It will mean a raw deal for fathers who do it tough for their children.

Children and fathers have a right to a relationship - most fathers aren't bad people.

Check out the site, write to your Local Member, get on talkback radio, write a letter to the editor.

Support Father's rights and in turn, Children's rights.

Any Stay-at-Home dads in Sydney North Shore?

Webbo9999 — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:23:41 GMT

Hi, I am just considering the option of becoming a stay-at-home dad for a period of time. Does anyone please have any experience they would like to offer me to help me come to conclusions and a decision? I would like to speak / meet with anyone in Sydney North Shore who has advice to offer, and also anyone who is involved in a local Fathers Group (I am in Crows Nest)....surely there must be some out there !!!!

keeping it together

thejokesonme — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:21:12 GMT

being a single dad is not always easy especially without any support i live in melbourne and wonder if you may like to have some moral support like me its hard to make thins work and i would be glad to hear from anybody male or female i am non judgemental and just trying to build up a network of like minded people hope to hear from you best wishes william

Are you the parent of a child who attends family day care or is cared for by a nanny?

awilson — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 18:23:40 GMT

Are you the parent of a child who attends family day care or is cared for by a nanny?

You are invited to participate in a research project that explores the relationships between family day care workers (FDCW), nannies, and the parents who hire them.

This project gives you an opportunity to share your experiences, talk about your employment relationships and express your opinions. All interviews will take place in person at a place and time convenient to you, and will last around 1-2 hours.

If you are interested in participating (and are based in Melbourne), please contact me via email or telephone.

Thank you.

Amy Wilson
PhD candidate
Sociology and Anthropology
La Trobe University,
Bundoora, 3086
Email: aeoconnor@students.latrobe.edu.au
Phone: (03) 9479 2747

Dads Course

SSAmbitious — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 12:42:15 GMT

Hey,

A friend of mine is looking at creating a short 2hr course for dads and im asking because im curious what issues others think are pertinant to dads, what would you want to go to? It'll just be for dads, not that dads are the only ones with issues but there do seem to be fewer services for men. Some ideas he tossed around were things like discipline, making the most of your time with the kids, communication and coping with kids...

any thoughts??

Separation

Markus — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:32:32 GMT

My wife of 14 years told my she no longer wants to contiue in a relaisionship with me 4 weeks ago. I did not see this comming.

She said reconciliation was out of the question will not talk about it and if I bring it up just tells me we will not get back to gether. I have told her I know this now but deserve an explainion. We have 2 kids 7 & 4 I have looked after them both from 5mths old & she has worked full time. My problem is she is still here in the family home ( which I know she has the right) but I know it is hurting the kids and me.

She has told me that she will not leave unless I let her have 50/50% of the kids. I had sugested I have them for 4 nights & she has them for 3 nights so I can still do the school & kindy as per nomal. I want the best thing for my kids and dont want to stop them from seeing there mum & rellies.

She has become the best in her field at her work ( out of hundreds ) and has aplied for new position at work (50k more) and is telling me her work hours are to be more flexable. I know what she was like with her work before (home late, work at home & weekends). She has told me her mum can pickup the kids when needed. My work is part time and inbetween school what is the best thing for the kids. I think I will beable to buy her out also. Is there anyone in simular position out there?

Markus

left alone again!!!!!!!!

3plusme — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 13:57:59 GMT

Any tips for alone again mums?

feeling helpless

shubh — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 13:40:25 GMT

I am a freelancer and work from home. My wife in Govt job and always remains engaged in her official works or in building her relations. She is too much conscious about her image in deptt. She hardly devotes time or attention towards two kids as result whole responsibility of managing home come to me. So, I can't devote enough time to my work because of that my earnings are going down. But, she refuses to share the home expenses also and keeps all her earnings with her. How can I mange? I am feeling helpless. Should we parted?

Being blocked out

tenderhook — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:14:51 GMT

We have a new baby and our relationship is already struggling. I figure that most new couples are going to be cranky with each other in the first part of a brand new baby, particularly when its your first (due to sleep, everything being new, etc).

However I am finding that my wife is flying off the handle in a major way, and she's doing it with our child in her arms, she's yelling loudly, swearing and can't seem to keep control of herself. She is already using our child as blackmail and not allowing me to hold her or touch her because of whatever we're arguing about.

I am not going to say I am having no part in this, I've been cranky as hell and I have to admit our relationship isn't in the best situation to begin with because I've been pretty distant for a while. I'm struggling with coming to terms of trying to balance work and playing a big part in our babies' first part of life, I'm a little over-protective about work as I feel like my wife doesn't understand how much concentration and effort it requires, I'm trying to be flexible about it but constantly worry about income.

I am finding that I can't diffuse the arguments and end up feeling sorry for myself and sulking. I just don't know what to do, I feel like this is already setting up a pretty negative environment for our child - and I am in great fear of being pushed out, feeling sorry for myself and not being able to connect properly with our child.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.