Changing body and emotions

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Common experiences
Your relationship with your partner
Relationships with family
Relationships with friends
When to get help

The changes going on in your body are so exciting and dramatic that you might wonder why your new pregnancy isn’t immediately obvious to everyone. You, your partner (if you have one) and your family will probably want to celebrate and tell everyone you know.
 
Your own pregnancy experience can be affected by a range of circumstances such as:

• whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned
• how much help you might expect to receive in raising the child (with or without a partner)
• becoming pregnant after a long period
• medical intervention (like IVF)
• whether you are in a stable or transient relationship
• pressure from your partner or family to become pregnant.

Common experiences

Feeling over the moon: you and your partner are likely to feel absolutely over the moon about the new baby, particularly if you've been wanting to have a baby for a while.

Back on earth again: you might also have some mixed emotions or find yourself very teary about how your relationships might change, about the pregnancy, or about what comes after.

Hormones are a great contributor towards these feelings (which are, by the way, completely natural). In early pregnancy, generally between about 6-12 weeks, your body has lots of extra hormones to help baby grow. These can make you feel unwell. Many women know this as morning sickness, although some women feel unwell all day, and others find it starts at the end of the day. The extra hormones can also make you feel very emotional. And the fluctuations can contribute to the emotional ups and downs that some pregnant women experience.

Surprised that life continues to be so normal: with such a momentous thing happening to you, it could feel weird to keep doing many of the things that you do. Working, playing sport, going for walks, catching up with people – many women feel absolutely full of energy, and are surprised at how little things really change.

Yet things feel very different: even if you have surges of energy, you will probably also feel like you need more sleep than usual. Youmight even feel very, very tired, and you might not want to go out as much as you used to.

For your baby’s health and safety, you are probably avoiding some foods that can harm an unborn baby and your doctor will recommend you give up smoking and recreational drugs, and limit (or stop) drinking alcohol.

You might also find that you tend to forget things that you’ve never forgotten in the past. This may be the result of focusing more on the baby, as well being more physically tired. It doesn’t happen to everyone, and it’s not permanent.

Amazement at your changing shape: you might develop curves in places where you never expected them. Lots of women feel extremely sexy and voluptuous when they're pregnant.

On the other hand, your changing shape might be terrifying you. Your favourite shoes might pinch your feet and you might have to say goodbye to your favourite jeans, even temporarily. The physical changes that go hand in hand with pregnancy might make you feel less sexy or desirable. You might also feel that your body is no longer yours. This may influence your relationship with your partner too.

Worried about giving birth: as the birth gets nearer, it’s natural to worry about labour. ‘Will I know when I'm in labour? Will it really, really hurt?’ Knowing what to expect in labour and what your options are can be a great help.

Dying to meet bub: you'll probably start to wonder what your unborn baby will be like. ‘Will baby be healthy?’ is the question that most parents care about first. But there will be lots of other questions like ‘Will I grow to love my baby if it's like Uncle Theo?’ and ‘Will she have my nose and toes?’

Wondering if you'll be a good parent: many men and women worry about how a new baby will affect their lives, careers and relationships. It’s also quite common for women to wonder how they will find time for themselves after the new baby arrives.

New dads might find the whole thing completely surreal. Before they see the first ultrasound, they might find it impossible to believe there really is a baby. They might even forget they're going to be a dad. Usually once they hear the baby’s heartbeat or see your belly getting bigger, it begins to seem real.

Your relationship with your partner

Both you and your partner will be thinking about what a new baby will mean to your lives.

• You may feel more vulnerable and tired than usual and need extra support.
• You might need to talk about the pregnancy more than your partner does.
• You might not feel like sex as often as you used to.

Throughout the pregnancy you will probably both begin to prepare for the changes that will come after the baby is born, part of which is accepting that there will be lifestyle changes. Typically, discussing your feelings with each other can help things settle down.

Relationships with family

Pregnancy brings lots of families closer. Many women in particular feel they need to spend more time with their mothers or families. Part of this stems from wanting to share the natural joy of being pregnant, and part from wondering what you will be like as a parent.

It's common to reflect on your own parents and the part they played in your life. If your family lives far away or someone important to you is no longer alive, you can often feel that absence more strongly when you’re pregnant.

Some people, for whatever reason, choose to no longer have their families in their lives. If your family treated you badly as you were growing up you may become very aware of how you feel about those past experiences.

Relationships with friends

You may be the first of your friends to get pregnant and some friends might not seem to understand how you’re feeling. You may find some friendships naturally fall away. Many people find their friendship circle changes during pregnancy and after childbirth to include more people with children who can relate to what they’re experiencing.

When to get help

• If you’re feeling more than a bit teary and have an ongoing or overwhelming sense of sadness, futility or anxiety, seek help from dedicated organisations such as Panda or talk to your doctor. Depression can strike one in ten pregnant women. Dealing with your feelings can help you enjoy your pregnancy as you deserve to.
• If you feel like you are not coping, or you worry about how you will cope after the baby is born, talk to a friend or a health professional.
• If the pregnancy seems to be having a major impact on you and your partner or family, or you are worried about how you’re dealing with them, discuss those feelings with someone who can help.
• Seek help if you feel like some of the changes in your relationships are making your life worse, for example, if you feel that some important relationships are breaking up, or there are issues that are becoming a problem.

In all of these cases, it would be a good idea to speak to a doctor or a relationship counsellor.

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