Find out what your child knows already. If your child asks you a difficult question (about sex, death, politics and so on), you might simply ask, ‘What have you heard?’ This allows children to tell you what they understand – or misunderstand – and perhaps what concerns are prompting the question.
Keep your answers simple. Give answers that are appropriate for your child’s age. One simple sentence might be enough. Underneath the question, your child might be worried about safety, so offer reassurance. You might describe the different ways your child is safe and say, ‘The policeman is there to protect us’ or ‘The flight attendant is showing us how to stay safe on the plane’.
Ask more questions. For example, if your child asks you about people being injured on the news, you might say, ‘I feel sad those people got hurt. How do you feel?’
Talk again. Be prepared for children to ask the same question many times. This means they are continuing to think about the issue and might need more information. You might save some information for later discussions.
Start by finding out what children know
‘Before you answer your child's question, ask an open-ended one to find out what she knows. Based on her answer, you might ask another question or clear up confusion. A question like “What is a nuclear bomb?” might mean the child needs reassurance about her own safety. She could really be asking, “Am I safe?”’
Nancy Carlsson-Paige, EdD
Co-author, Before Push Comes to Shove
