Toddler connecting and communicating: in a nutshell

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Toddlers are listening to every word we say (even if we don’t notice it). They understand a lot more than we first think possible. They can be very sensitive and get grumpy or burst into tears at the way you said something or laughed at them.

A toddler’s world is one of big emotions mixed with communication skills that just can’t keep up. Their feelings can sometimes be too much for them, but they can’t find the words to tell you what’s wrong. They are torn between their fear of being separated from you and their longing for independence. And their brains are just grasping the idea that they can change how the world works. They are driven to communicate so they can get help with everyday needs, but also to feel secure, understood and accepted by their family.

Children really need to be heard and, once heard, understood. This can be very difficult for toddlers who can’t fully express themselves. It can lead to lots of frustration which can lead to tantrums.

Tips for good communication

• Really tune in to what your child is trying to say. Notice the emotions behind it.
• Make regular time to communicate with him in your own special way. Even two minutes every half hour makes a difference.
• When your toddler comes to you, try to drop whatever you're doing to talk – it is likely he only really needs your undivided attention for a minute or two.
• Get down on his level to talk to him by kneeling or squatting next to him.
• Try to let him finish his sentences before interrupting, no matter how meandering they might be.
• Read to him and tell stories. Picture books help children learn about language.
• Always be honest. Children are brighter than many of us think. When we lie to them, we lose their trust.

Toddler talk

Stuck for words, a toddler will use actions to communicate what he wants. He may tug on your pants to be picked up, shake or nod his head and use clear gestures to tell you to go away. If you have introduced a few baby language signs, he might start using them by 18 months and even make up some of his own – look out for those moments of creative brilliance and join him in making up a couple that you can share as your own secret code. One favourite is the 'I love you' sign which can help smooth goodbyes and be ‘spoken’ from afar.

When your toddler relies on body language, you can help develop his talking. Repeat what you think he wants in words and explain your response. For instance, ‘You want to be picked up but mummy’s got something in her hand, so you can hold my other hand’, or ‘I can see you don’t want that. What about this?’

Positive talk

By talking out loud about everything, even your chores as you do them, you can help build his vocabulary and language skills.

We all like being told what we can do, rather than what we shouldn’t do. Your toddler is just the same. For example, rather than saying 'Don’t run in the house', you can say 'Please walk when you’re in the house'. ’Don’t yell‘ can become 'Please talk quietly'.

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  By Raising Children Network

  Toddlers’ communication skills can’t keep up with their emotions. They need help to be understood.
  
  Tips for good communication

  • Tune in to what your toddler is trying to say.
  • Make time to communicate regularly with your child.
  • Give your toddler your attention when he is talking.
  • Kneel or squat so you’re on the same level.
  • Try not to interrupt.
  • Always be honest.
  • Try to use positive rather than negative words and sentences.
  • Help develop your toddler’s language skills by repeating what you think your child is trying to say when he uses non-verbal language rather than words.
  • Reading together helps your child learn about language.

  This article is an extract only. For more information, visit raisingchildren.net.au/connecting__communicating/toddlers_connecting.html.

  Sourced from the Raising Children Network's comprehensive and quality-assured Australian parenting website www.raisingchildren.net.au.