Toddler behaviour: in a nutshell

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Your toddler has a lovely surprise in store for you. When you ask her to do something, she may actually do it! By this age, many children start to control their urges, change their behaviour and do as mum or dad asks. Not all the time, of course.

The name for this wonderful ability is self-regulation. It is one of life’s most important milestones.

Tips for toddler behaviour

There are 15 ways to encourage good behaviour in children of any age plus a few extra tips that can help bring out the best in your toddler.

• Toddlers are naturally curious about their world. They learn by testing and experimenting with everything around them. Constantly telling her ‘no’ can pour cold water on this natural curiosity. You may want to try some other ways to change behaviour you don’t like.
• Allow exploring. Try to create situations where your child can explore life without lots of ‘don'ts’ and ‘nos’. For example, if it's not acceptable to blow bubbles in her milk during lunch perhaps she can go outside later and blow bubbles in water. Put your favourite things out of reach so you don't have to tell your child not to touch them.
• Let's make a trade. If she is sucking on your favourite scarf, replace it with a less precious but equally tasty item (see our tips on how to use distraction).
• Offer two choices. Most children like to have some control over their world. By offering her two choices (either of which you are happy with), you can guide her to the result you would like. So, if you think she needs to do a wee, you could say, ‘Would you like to go on the potty or the toilet now?’
• Change the environment. When she wants to ‘help’ in the kitchen, move her away from the hot oven and give her a wooden spoon and a pot to bang.
• Show her how you feel. If she happens to pull your hair, pull a sad face and say ‘ouch’. If she keeps doing it, avert your eyes and withdraw a little. Using ‘I’ statements helps, like ‘I don’t like it when you pull my hair’. She will recognise her own emotions in yours, like a mirror, and be able to feel for you.
• Avoid rewarding bad behaviour. Your attention is a powerful reward for your child. Avoid giving it when your child is doing something you don't like. Putting your child down (if you are holding her) or walking away from her are good ways of not giving attention if your toddler keeps doing something you don't like after you have asked her to stop.
• Explain the consequences of her behaviour so she can figure out why something is wrong. This helps give her a better understanding of the world around her.
• Manage transitions carefully. At this age, children can find it hard to change from one activity to another. Some extra time, sensitivity and planning can help.

Discipline

The word ‘discipline’ actually means ‘to teach’ and not necessarily to punish. If you use the above strategies, you will probably never need to punish your child in the old-fashioned sense. Smacking is not an effective or acceptable punishment for a child, no matter what age. Hitting doesn’t change a child’s behaviour for good. It might stop their behaviour momentarily, while they try to figure you out, but they will soon become confused when they copy your behaviour and get in trouble for it. It doesn’t give them the opportunity to learn about related consequences or solve their own problems. Instead, it can make them fearful, insecure and resentful. Some parents may hit their child because they are trying to relieve their own tension or stress in a situation. For more help with managing stress and angry feelings, try reading Feeling stressed and When you feel you might hurt your child 

When to say ‘No’

Often, a child behaves ‘badly’ because they know it will get attention (and for children of all ages, negative attention is better than no attention at all). So paying too much attention to bad behaviour actually encourages it.

If your toddler is aware of the ‘right’ behaviour, she will only respect you if you follow through with the matter-of-fact consequence that you agreed on earlier. If she is not aware, then a firm ‘No’ or ‘Stop that now’ is something your toddler should understand, but save these expressions for when it really counts or in dangerous situations. Even though your child may be walking and talking now, and even though she stopped in her tracks the last time you said ‘No’, that doesn’t mean your toddler will stop every time, so you still have to make sure you have a firm but comfortable grip of her hand when crossing the road, or in other potentially dangerous situations.

If you ever become concerned or very frustrated by your toddler's behaviour, seek professional advice.

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  Newsletter snippet: Toddler behaviour: in a nutshell
  

   

  By Raising Children Network

  Toddlers are beginning to learn self-control and follow directions. This is one of life’s most important milestones.
  
  Tips for good behaviour

  • Toddlers are naturally curious, so try to avoid saying ‘no’ all the time.
  • Allow your toddler to explore the world safely.
  • Use distraction or guidance to direct your toddler’s behaviour.
  • Give your toddler some control by offering choices.
  • Explain why some behaviour is wrong.
  • Avoid paying too much attention to ‘bad’ behaviour.

  Discipline

  • Set up logical consequences for behaviour you wish to discourage.
  • Smacking is not an effective or acceptable punishment for a child, no matter what age.
  • Seek advice if you become very frustrated by your toddler’s behaviour.

  This article is an extract only. For more information, visit  raisingchildren.net.au/behaviour/toddlers_behaviour.html.

  Sourced from the Raising Children Network's comprehensive and quality-assured Australian parenting website www.raisingchildren.net.au.