Single mothers come from a larger range of backgrounds, cultures, ages and financial status than ever before. But many single mums feel that other people view them negatively.
For example, in the Raising Children survey of single mums, 44% of participants said that stereotypes about single mothers were often or always a concern for them.
Being a single mother is a hard job, and I don’t think it’s given the credit it deserves.
Tips for dealing with negative attitudes
-
Prepare your kids for sensitive questions. People might ask your kids about their family situation, so you might want to help them work out what to say. For example, ‘I live with my mum’, or ‘I have two homes’.
-
Surround yourself with positive attitudes. It can help to spend time with other happy single-mother families. It’s a great support for you. It also gives your children a chance to see that you’re not the only single-mother family around.
-
Think ahead about the ‘dad issue’. Fathers Day and other ‘dad events’ can be hard for children who are not in contact with their father. Let kids know you understand. Suggest that they celebrate with whoever plays a ‘dad role’ in their lives. This could be an uncle, male friend, or maybe even you. Your kids might have both a stepdad and a biological father. If this is tricky, let your children decide the way they would like ‘dad events’ to work. Try to get as close to this ideal as possible.
-
Show kids they’re not alone. You could read books or watch movies about one-parent families or children who live in two separate homes. Ring your local library or bookstore, or search online, for suggestions.
-
Foster family pride. One way to develop a close family identity is to talk with your kids about your family’s strengths. These might include being there for each other, being good citizens (helping the neighbours, perhaps), or taking part in community events.
-
Maintain a healthy social life. It’s good for everyone in the family to stay in touch socially. Make a special effort to invite friends over. If friendships change after you become a single mum, talk positively about the opportunities to meet new people.
Providing my daughter with a stable and loving home is my number-one priority. I really wish single mothers weren’t negatively stereotyped so much, especially if your dear beloved child is the result of an ‘unwanted’ pregnancy outside of marriage ... I know I am doing a really great job. I love my baby so much, and I believe we are entitled to respect and happiness as much as anyone.
Children and stereotypes
Interestingly, children might be less likely to experience negative attitudes than their single mothers. These days, having a single parent is considered ‘normal’. Many kids have friends in similar circumstances.
Single-parent children often define ‘family’ in broad terms. They include step-siblings, step-parents and their parents’ ex-partners. The term ‘single-parent family’ doesn’t necessarily feel right to them. Research tells us that children and young people tend to also think about families in terms of emotional ties rather than biological ties.
It’s important to realise that living in a single-mother family is not necessarily the same for you and your child. If you encounter negative attitudes as a single mother, it’s best to try not to pass those messages on to your children.
