School-age connecting and communicating: in a nutshell

Love is what we all want most of the time, often without even realising it. Young children want love even more. By connecting with school-age children and giving them lots of positive attention, we show them how much we love them.

Connecting and communicating with school children

Your child spends six hours a day at school. But when you ask, ‘What did you do at school today’, the answer is often, ‘Nothing’. Rest assured that children do something at school! It’s just that your school-age child might need your encouragement to talk about school. Your child also needs to know that you are really listening.

Positive communication isn’t just about saying ‘nice’ things or sharing good news. It’s about being able to talk about all kinds of feelings – even about anger, embarrassment, sadness or fear. It also means really listening when someone wants to tell you that kind of stuff.

• Really tune in to what your child is trying to say. Notice the emotions behind the words.
• Make regular time to communicate with your child in your own special way. Even two minutes every half hour makes a difference.
• Try to drop everything when your child comes to you to talk. Your child might need your undivided attention for only five minutes.
• Look your child in the eye. This helps you avoid conflict and tune in to what your child might be feeling or thinking. This way your child is less likely to feel exasperated. To help children maintain eye contact without getting distracted, you can gently hold their faces and focus your eyes on them in a way that is engaging, rather than intimidating. At your child’s age, some children are uncomfortable making eye contact. If so, you can check that your child is listening to you by getting your child to repeat what you just said.
• Active listening helps children cope with their young emotions. They tend to get frustrated a lot, especially if they can’t express themselves as well as they would like. When you repeat back to them what you think they’re feeling, it helps to relieve some of their tension. It also makes them feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums. When you have listened, ask if your child wants your advice before jumping in to solve your child’s problem.
• Try to let your child finish sentences before interrupting, no matter how meandering they might be.
• Read to your child and tell stories. Picture books help children learn about language.
• Always be honest. Children are brighter than many of us think. When we lie to them, we lose their trust.
• Ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to talk more about things.
• Don’t criticise your child for using the wrong words. The idea is to give your child the chance for free expression. If children are always criticised for the way they speak, they might just clam up.
• Try to catch the first seed of a potential conversation. Sometimes a passing comment (‘The teacher said something strange today’) can open up into an important conversation about something that is puzzling or worrying your child.
• Become an effective communicator by talking and listening in a positive way.
• Have some fun – jokes and humour can be a great way of getting through difficult situations with children.

Understanding rules

During the first few years of school, children can be preoccupied with learning rules. Playing games with rules help children understand what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.

To teach your child about rules and values, you can:

• explain why some things are considered right and others wrong
• talk simply about what is not tolerated in society
• encourage empathy by getting your child to think about someone else’s position. How would your child feel?
• talk to your child about your family’s values and why you have them.

Video: Special moments with your school-age child

21mb

‘Love is easy’, say the parents in this short video.

Mums and dads talk about special moments with their children. They describe how praise and encouragement make their children feel loved, safe and secure. They talk about the positive impact of these moments on both parents and children.

 

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  Newsletter snippet: School-age connecting and communicating: in a nutshell
  

   By Raising Children Network

  Your little one has started school, but family is still the biggest influence in your child’s life. A loving environment is perfect for learning and growing.
  
  School-age children sometimes need your encouragement to talk about their day. They also need to know that you are really listening, especially when there are difficult things to share. You can help your school-age child communicate by:

  • tuning in to what your child is trying to say
  • giving your child your undivided attention
  • maintaining eye contact
  • relieving any frustration by repeating what you think they are trying to say
  • trying not to interrupt
  • being honest
  • asking open questions
  • avoiding being critical if your child uses the wrong words
  • tuning in to any passing comment that may give a clue to what is worrying your child.

  This article is an extract only. For more information, visit raisingchildren.net.au/connecting__communicating/school_age_connecting.html.

  Sourced from the Raising Children Network's comprehensive and quality-assured Australian parenting website www.raisingchildren.net.au.