‘I started out a married mother of one; I’m now a single mother of two. Did it start to go wrong eight years ago, soon after I met my 32-year-old future husband when I was 20? Or when our daughter was born in 2008? Somehow I went from an outgoing social butterfly to an empty shell. I became a victim of domestic violence.
‘I struggled emotionally when my daughter was born, at the time it felt like I did everything wrong. As a mother I had let my daughter down before we even got home from hospital. In hindsight she was ill and needed the special care nursery. In hindsight I had no hope of succeeding because I was constantly being told by my husband that I was doing a bad job.
‘Fast forward through eight months of crying, self-doubt and guilt as well as violence, anger and constant put-downs from my husband and I was diagnosed with post-natal depression. I went on anti-depressants and saw a counsellor and a social worker. I slowly learned to love my beautiful daughter and after 12 months it became quite clear to me, as painful as it was to admit, that I was in a violent relationship and it was affecting myself and my daughter. To make matters worse, I had just discovered I was pregnant again.
‘With the help of a domestic violence support group, as well as my counsellors, I left my husband when I was 12 weeks pregnant. I was scared at the prospect of having another baby and being on my own. But to be honest, it was going to be better than having another baby and being with him still. I was angry at him for ruining my dreams. I doubted myself and my ability to do well on my own.
‘Three nights after I left my husband, my daughter slept through the night. She was 18 months old and this was a first for her. She has slept through the night every night since.
‘Life has been anything but easy and calm since I left my husband six months ago. Being a single mother of a two-year-old and a five-week-old is extremely hard. It's tiring and often lonely. But when I see my daughter smiling, when she doesn't wake me through the night, when she has the confidence to speak to other children - I know it's because I have removed her from a toxic environment. I look at my tiny newborn and think how peaceful he looks, how calm his little world is. I regularly feel guilty that his sister didn't have such a nice beginning, but I'm proud of myself for every day that we are away from their father.
‘All that matters to me now is that at the end of the day my kids are with me, happy and safe.’
*Name changed to protect identity.
