Raising a grandchild

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• Profile
• At a glance
• The challenges

Profile

Carol and Glenn live in Perth, Western Australia, and have been looking after their grandchildren, Mia aged 6 and Luke 3, for two years, since the children were removed from their parents by welfare agencies. Carol is 54 and Glenn 56.

Carol
‘We are from England originally, but we’ve been here for 19 years now and we had seven children of our own.  We’ve had the grandchildren for two years – at first we only thought it would be for a while. We were given custody after they were removed from their parents by children’s services because they were being neglected and nobody else could take them. They are my son’s children. He still lives in WA and he’s still with the children’s mother. They’ve got another child on the way. They want custody, but they both have substance abuse problems.

‘At first I was worried about taking the children because their mother is aboriginal. I’m keen for them to maintain links to their original culture. They’d been staying with another aunty on the mother’s side, but she couldn’t manage them. Because they have such a large extended family on that side, I felt it was probably wrong that children’s services asked me to have them and for a while I was worried that the family might come and try to take them back. But nobody’s ever been near me, so I feel quite safe with them now.

‘We still have two teenage children at home, so we’re used to having children around. But for the first time in our lives we were beginning to plan. Maybe move into a smaller house somewhere else and take some holidays. Before we had the grandchildren, we were able to pop over and see our daughter in Melbourne once or twice a year. I was working full-time and we could afford it. But it’s all gone backwards now we’re parents again.

‘I had to pack up my job even though I didn’t want to because I really loved my job. But I couldn’t manage working and caring for the children.  It was putting a strain on my husband as well, as he had to care for them at night. We were both getting very tired.

‘Although I’m enjoying them now because they are still little, I’m not looking forward to when they are teenagers and start rebelling. It might be different with them. I think I’m more patient now than when I was younger.

‘But I do feel as though they are missing out on us being their grandparents. Because they are living with us and we are their primary carers, I don’t feel as though we are their grandparents anymore.’

At a glance

• 22 500 families are made up of grandparents looking after children younger than 17.
• In 60% of these families, the grandparents are over 55.
• 62% of grandparent families rely on a government pension for income.
• Around 70% of children who live with their grandparents visit their parents, who live elsewhere.

The challenges

For many people, becoming a grandparent is a great experience and gives them a chance to enjoy children all over again. In some cultures, grandparents have a primary role in caring for children, and are aware of what they need to do from early on. Helping out their own children is the main reason that grandparents find themselves caring for grandchildren. In some cases the parents' problems are more serious, such as problems with drug abuse, going through divorce, suffering physical or mental illness, or having had the children at a very young age. Perhaps the grandchildren might have experienced neglect of some sort because of what their parents were going through.

Becoming a full-time parent again can be a shock for many grandparents who thought their child rearing days were over. Grandparents can find the task very stressful, particularly if they are struggling with the unexpected expense of raising children and a lack of energy compared to when they were younger. Grandparents may find themselves parenting again just after preparing themselves for a quiet retirement.

Legal and financial difficultiesAlthough care-giving grandparents are able to get some Centrelink payments for the care of their grandchildren, these are means tested. Getting payments for care may mean giving up other Centrelink payments. Even though the grandparents may not be wealthy, owning a home can reduce the level of financial assistance they receive. Additionally, while parents can access legal aid, grandparents are often denied aid because they usually own their home.

As a result, grandparents often find themselves spending their retirement savings on raising the children. These costs can be substantial, particularly if the children have special emotional, intellectual or physical needs.

Health and energyIn addition to the stress associated with raising children, some care-giving grandparents have higher levels of depression, anxiety and more physical and emotional health problems than non-caregivers. Often this is directly related to feeling tired or being unable to take part in younger children’s activities. Grandparents may also be disappointed or angry about having plans and dreams changed or feeling as though they have no choice but to take on the role.

Emotional stressesIn many cases, grandparents are given care of the children, but are not given the authority to make important decisions. This can make discipline and decision making difficult and confusing. This may be even more difficult if the children’s custody arrangements are uncertain and the parents repeatedly try to get the children back.

In many cases, grandparents may feel as though there are no family services to help them rear grandchildren. They may wish there was more emotional support. In some cases, siblings of the children’s parent can become resentful that their older parents must care for their brother or sister’s children and this can lead to relationship problems with other family members.

Meeting the challengesGrandparents from all over Australia can find support and assistance through support groups and education programs specifically aimed at addressing grandparent’s needs. These groups may also provide assistance with funding options, respite, medical care and legal matters.

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