Starting a conversation about puberty
Open and relaxed conversations before the start of the physical changes of puberty will help your child feel OK when their body starts to change.
You can use a 3-step process to start a conversation about puberty:
- Find out what your child knows. For example, you could ask, ‘Do they talk about puberty and physical changes in health classes at school? What do they say?’
- Give your child the facts and correct any misinformation. For example, ‘Everyone goes through these changes, but not always at the same pace or in the same way’.
- Use the conversation as an opportunity to talk about your values. For example, ‘If you have a wet dream, don’t worry. Just strip the bed and take your sheets to the laundry’.
Sometimes, you can start a conversation by picking up on a scene in a movie or TV show, a book that you’ve both read, or something that you’re listening to in the car.
It’s a good idea to have difficult conversations when your child seems open to talking and listening. For some children and teenagers, this might be when they’re doing something with you, like driving in the car or going for a walk.
Also, your child might not want to share everything with you anymore, so try not to force communication when your child doesn’t want to talk. Your child might also be interested in talking with the school counsellor or their GP.
Teenagers compare their bodies with those of friends and siblings. Children whose development seems to be taking a long time compared with friends might feel frustrated or worried.
Explaining puberty
To handle the changes of puberty, your child needs support, reassurance and facts. Here’s how you or another trusted adult can help:
- Give simple, factual explanations of physical changes. For example, ‘Periods are when blood comes out of your vagina. The blood is the lining of your uterus’.
- Reinforce that physical changes happen at different times. For example, ‘Some children start getting pubic hair when they’re around 11, but it can be earlier or later’.
- Use the right words when you’re talking about body parts. For example, ‘It’s normal for your penis and testes to start getting bigger around now’.
These tips can also help:
- Reassure your child that puberty is an important and sometimes exciting life stage.
- Avoid using words like ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it comes to development.
- Avoid comparing your child with others.
Some trans or gender-diverse children are OK with the physical changes of puberty. Some feel anxious or distressed. Talking with your trans or gender-diverse child about puberty can help you and your child work out what they need to express or affirm their gender identity at this time in their life.
Healthy lifestyle choices for children and teenagers in puberty
In puberty, your child is coping with many physical changes. If your child eats well, gets enough physical activity and sleep, and looks after their personal hygiene, they’ll be more likely to feel OK about their changing body. Here are ways you can help.
Encourage healthy eating
Your child is likely to have an increased appetite and need more food. You can encourage your child to eat a healthy, balanced diet and meet their nutritional needs by:
- providing healthy foods and drinks at home
- encouraging healthy choices when you’re out
- eating healthily yourself.
Overeating or having too many high-sugar and high-fat foods and drinks can lead to overweight or obesity. Disordered eating and dieting can also be an issue during this time.
Support your child’s physical activity
For good physical and mental health, your child needs at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day. You can keep your child active by encouraging daily movement and keeping them involved in team and individual outdoor and indoor activities.
Encourage healthy sleep routines
Teenagers need enough good-quality sleep. You can help by:
- encouraging your child to stick to a regular bedtime
- encouraging ‘winding down’ before bedtime – for example, reading or listening to music rather than using digital technology
- making sure your child has a quiet, comfortable sleeping environment.
You can be a healthy role model for your child by eating well yourself, doing some physical activity and getting enough sleep. By reinforcing that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and not comparing your child’s body or your own body to other people’s, you can also be a great role model for positive body image.
When you’re worried about your child and puberty
If you’re concerned about your child’s rate of development or about the way your child’s body is changing, talk to a health professional – for example, your GP.
Children who go through early or late puberty might need extra support. For example, if your child experiences physical changes very early, they might be less prepared emotionally or get confused or worried by the changes. Or your child might feel embarrassed if they experience early or late physical changes.