Love is what we all want most of the time, often without even realising it. Young children want love even more. By connecting with children, we show them how much we love them.
You can connect with your preschooler by spending time together and giving him lots of cuddles. You can also try seeing the world from your child’s point of view.
All of this helps
build good relationships with
your child and other members of the family. These loving, secure
relationships are what your child needs to learn and grow.
How to connect and communicate with your preschooler
Your preschooler will use her growing vocabulary and communication skills to express her feelings, ideas and curiosity about the world around her. Making regular time to communicate with your child in your own special way can help her build these skills. Even two minutes every half hour makes a difference.
Here are more ideas for connecting and communicating with your child.
Being available
You can really tune in to what your child is trying to say by being available. When your child comes to you, try to drop whatever you’re
doing to talk. It’s likely your child really needs your undivided
attention only for a minute or two.
Getting down to your child’s level
Kneeling or squatting down is a very powerful tool for communicating positively with preschoolers. By looking your child in the eye, you can tune in to what he might be feeling or
thinking. This means your child is more likely to feel heard and can help you avoid a lot of conflict.
Active listening
Active listening helps preschoolers cope with their young emotions. They tend to get frustrated a lot, especially if they can’t express themselves well enough verbally. So listen, then repeat back what you think your child is feeling. This will help relieve some tension. Active listening also makes children feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums.
Through this process, you might need to be patient. Try to let your
child finish sentences before interrupting, no matter how meandering
they might be.
You might like to read more about why talking is important and talking and listening with your preschooler.
Negotiating
Life with kids often means negotiation. When you negotiate with children, you help them learn important life skills such as how to deal with conflict. It often helps to phrase your requests so that your child can say ‘yes’. Even so, you’ll sometimes have a ‘I can’t believe I said that!’ moment. Often it’s best to just admit you’re wrong and say sorry.
Connecting
You can nurture your bond with your child by always being honest. Children are brighter than many of us think – when we lie to them, we lose their trust.
Praise and encouragement is important for helping your child feel good about herself. Descriptive praise is when you tell your child exactly what it is that you like. For example, ‘I love the way you shared your Lego with your brother just now’. Descriptive praise is best for boosting your child’s self-esteem.
You can also connect and bond with your child through play activities like reading and storytelling. And picture books help children learn about language too.
You might like to read more about connecting with your preschooler.
Sometimes work can get in the way of spending enough quality time with your child. It can also impact on your ability to give your child the warm, loving attention he needs. You might like to read our ideas on how to
make the switch from work to home.
‘But why?’
Preschoolers are trying hard to understand the world, other people and how they fit in. They understand more and more complex concepts and are curious about everything. This leads to a lot of ‘why’ questions. For example, ‘Time for lunch’ gets the response ‘But why?’ ‘There’s a lizard!’ gets ‘But why?’ You might also get, ‘Why is the sky blue?’ ‘Why am I four?’ ‘Why is this sand?’
Answering curly questions can take patience, but preschoolers appreciate you even trying. If you don’t know the answer, it’s OK to be honest. Playing dumb and asking, ‘What do you think?’ can help develop your child’s problem-solving skills.
Preschoolers are also developing a sense of humour. This might show up as being a bit cheeky or repeating things that aren’t funny. Gentle explanations of what’s appropriate and what isn’t will help them begin to understand.
Improved language skills mean your child is better at describing things, so this is the age for incredible life observations like
‘Fish have scales so they can weigh themselves’ and ‘I had a bug in my
tummy one time – it was a cockroach’. You can scribble your preschooler’s funny little sayings into a special book – these words will amuse you both one day.
Helping your child manage emotions
Between three and five, your child is learning how to manage strong emotions and social skills. These will be very important for school. They’ll help your child cope with emotional changes and frustration. They’ll also teach your child to be hopeful, to control extreme emotions, and to show compassion and empathy. These are important ingredients for success in life.
You can guide your child through this emotional time by helping her learn to express emotions in ways that are socially acceptable.
For example, when your child is angry, help him put the feeling into words. Anger is an important human emotion, and if your child can learn how to express it, this will help him control it. This process also develops your child’s language. You can read more about talking through angry feelings.
When your child feels let down, you can talk about how people make mistakes, and that things break, fall apart or don’t work out. To make sure you understand your child’s feelings, practise active listening.
Preschoolers are prone to strong fears of the dark, animals, monsters, robbers, storms, school and many other unexpected things. Take these fears seriously and it will be easier to convince your child that monsters aren’t real. It can also help if you can teach your child the difference between fact and fiction, videos and real life. Explaining why things happen can ease fears – for example, you could explain why thunder and lightening happen (if you’re up on your science!).
Young children understand death differently from older children or adults. If your child asks about death, it’s important to answer her directly, rather than avoiding the issue.
Building self-esteem and confidence
To boost self-esteem and build confidence in your preschooler, you can:
- make your child feel special with lots of positive attention (spending time together, getting down to your child’s level and really listening, answering questions)
- show your child love and affection
- give your child choices and control – for example, you could let him make some decisions about what to wear or what to make as a gift for the preschool teacher
- ask your child to help the family with a regular task, like putting out the cutlery at mealtimes
- ask your child for feelings and opinions about things. This helps build his self-confidence and also teaches him to think about how others feel.
Video:
Special moments
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21mb
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‘Love is easy’, say the parents in this short video.
Mums and dads talk about special moments with their children. They describe how praise and encouragement make their children feel loved, safe and secure. They talk about the positive impact of these moments on both parents and children.
Top tip: to aid your preschooler’s confidence and self-esteem, try to give your child about six positive remarks to every one criticism.
