Preschooler connecting and communicating: in a nutshell

Love is what we all want most of the time, often without even realising it. Young children want love even more. By connecting with them, we show them how much we love them. You can connect with your preschooler by spending time together and giving lots of cuddles. You can also try seeing the world from your child’s point of view.

How to connect and communicate with your preschooler

• Really tune in to what your child is trying to say. Notice the emotions behind the words.
• Make regular time to communicate with your child in your own special way. Even two minutes every half hour makes a difference.
• Be available. When your child comes to you, try to drop whatever you’re doing to talk. It’s likely your child really needs your undivided attention only for a minute or two.
• Get down to your child’s level. Kneeling or squatting down is a very powerful tool for communicating positively with preschoolers. By looking your child in the eye, you can avoid a lot of conflict. It allows you to tune in to what your child might be feeling or thinking. This means your child is more likely to feel heard.
• Active listening helps preschoolers cope with their young emotions. They tend to get frustrated a lot, especially if they can’t express themselves well enough verbally. So listen, then repeat back what you think your child is feeling. This will help to relieve some tension. Active listening also makes children feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums.
• Be patient. Try to let your child finish sentences before interrupting, no matter how meandering they might be.
• Read to your child and tell stories. Picture books help children learn about language.
• Always be honest. Children are brighter than many of us think. When we lie to them, we lose their trust.

Improved language skills mean your child is better at describing the world around. So this is the age for incredible life observations like, ‘Fish have scales so they can weigh themselves’ and ‘I had a bug in my tummy one time – it was a cockroach’.

You can scribble your preschooler’s gorgeous sayings into a special book – these words will amuse you both one day.

‘But why?’

Preschoolers are trying hard to understand the world, people and how they fit in. They understand more and more complex concepts. They are curious about everything. This leads to a lot of ‘why’ questions. For example, ‘Time for lunch’ gets the response ‘But why?’ ‘There’s a lizard!’ gets ‘But why?’ You might also get, ‘Why is the sky blue?’ ‘Why am I four?’ ‘Why is this sand?’

Preschoolers are also developing a sense of humour. This might show up as being a bit cheeky or repeating things that aren’t funny. Gentle explanations of what is appropriate and what isn’t will help them begin to understand. Read more about how preschoolers communicate.

Helping your child manage emotions

Between three and five, your child is learning how to manage strong emotions and social skills.

These social and emotional skills will be very important for school. They will help your child cope with emotional changes and frustration. They will teach your child to be hopeful, to control extreme emotions, and to show compassion and empathy. They are important ingredients for success in life.

You can guide your child through this emotional time. Help your child learn to express emotions in ways that are socially acceptable:

• When your child is angry, help your child put this feeling into words. Anger is an important human emotion. If your child can learn how to express it, this will help in controlling it. This process also develops you child’s language. You can read more about talking through angry feelings.
• When your child feels let down, you can talk about how people make mistakes, and that things break, fall apart or don’t work out. To make sure you understand your child’s feelings, practise active listening.
• Preschoolers are prone to strong fears of the dark, animals, monsters, robbers, storms, school and many other unexpected things. Take these fears seriously, and it will be easier to convince them that monsters are not real. If you can teach your child the difference between fact and fiction, videos and real life, this will help. Explaining why things happen can ease fears. For example, you could explain why thunder and lightening happen (if you’re up on your science!).

Building self-esteem and confidence

To boost self-esteem and build confidence in your preschooler, you can:

• make your child feel special with lots of positive attention (spending time together, getting down to your child’s level and really listening, answering questions)
• show your child love and affection
• give your child choices and control – for example, you could let your child make some decisions about what to wear or what to make as a gift for the preschool teacher
• ask your child to help the family with a regular task, like putting out the cutlery at mealtimes
• ask your child for feelings and opinions about things. This helps build self-confidence and also teaches your child to think about how others feel.

Video: Special moments with your preschooler

21mb

‘Love is easy’, say the parents in this short video.

Mums and dads talk about special moments with their children. They describe how praise and encouragement make their children feel loved, safe and secure. They talk about the positive impact of these moments on both parents and children.

Top tip: to aid your preschooler’s confidence and self-esteem, try to give your child about six positive remarks to every one criticism.

 

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  By Raising Children Network

  Your preschooler is learning how to manage emotions and develop  social skills. Most of all, preschoolers need to know they’re loved. You can show your love by connecting with your child.
  
  How to connect with your preschooler

  • Really tune in to what your child is trying to say.
  • Make regular time to communicate in your own special way.
  • Be available when your child wants to talk.
  • Get down on your child’s level to talk and make eye contact.
  • Relieve your child’s frustration by repeating what your child is trying to say.
  • Be patient and don’t interrupt.
  • Always be honest.
  • Help your child express emotions, such as anger, in words.
  • For every criticism, your preschooler needs six positive remarks to feel confident and have good self-esteem.

  This article is an extract only. For more information, visit raisingchildren.net.au/connecting__communicating/preschoolers_connecting.html.
  
  Sourced from the Raising Children Network’s comprehensive and quality-assured Australian parenting website www.raisingchildren.net.au.