Preschooler behaviour: in a nutshell

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At this age, children can really benefit from going to preschool. It’s here that they can start learning about other people’s rules and how to get along with other children in a formal setting.

Preschoolers need boundaries that guide their natural enthusiasm but that don’t dampen their passion for life. Boundaries and a routine offer them security. They protect them from getting overwhelmed by too much responsibility before they’re ready.

Preschool children are still trying to learn the everyday things that we take for granted, like how we talk to each other. For example, you might think your preschooler is not listening to you. But maybe your child is still trying to figure out what someone said five minutes ago!

In trying to understand the world around them, we have to forgive preschoolers for being a bit distracted. A good rule is to always budget for another 30 minutes when doing things with your preschooler.

Tips for preschooler behaviour

Here are some extra things to keep in mind about preschooler behaviour:

• Reminders. Preschoolers have short memories and are easily distracted. You might need to remind them about things several times. (Test this. Try saying, ‘I will give you a piece of chocolate tomorrow morning’ and see if your preschooler remembers.)
• Show your preschooler how you feel. If you can tell preschoolers honestly how their behaviour affects you, they can recognise their own emotions in yours, like a mirror, and be able to feel for you. So you might say, ‘I'm getting upset because there is so much noise I can't talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to change things for your sake.
• Change the environment. Say your preschooler is getting frustrated because your baby keeps crawling over the jigsaw puzzle. Try to find a quiet spot where your preschooler can play undisturbed.
• Explain the consequences of behaviour so your preschooler can figure out why something is wrong. This helps give your child a better understanding of the world around.
• Agree in advance on the consequences. Your preschooler can help set the consequences for undesirable behaviour or, at least, agree to what you set. It is amazing how much easier it is when children know what to expect because they have already agreed. Sometimes you won’t have to set a consequence at all. Just allow your child to begin to develop responsibility through experiencing the natural consequences of behaviour, like feeling a little cold for refusing to put on a coat.
• Remember – it is the behaviour that is unacceptable, not your child.
• Time-out is one discipline tool that parents can use to discourage undesirable behaviour. Find out how to make time-out work.

Discipline

The word ‘discipline’ means ‘to teach’ and not necessarily to punish.The true goal is to teach children the rules of behaviour so that they can use them.

Children learn self-discipline by growing up in a loving family, with fair and predictable rules and expectations. Punishment can even interfere with their development of self-discipline.

Physical punishment does not help children learn proper behaviour. It doesn’t give them the opportunity to learn how to solve their own problems. Instead, it can make them fearful, insecure and resentful. Children learn from example. Hitting teaches them to get what they want by hitting. Hear what other parents think about physical punishment in our film clip on smacking.

Some parents might hit their child because they are trying to relieve their own tension or stress in a situation. For more help with managing your own stress and angry feelings, try reading Feeling stressed and When you feel you might hurt your child.

If you have concerns about your preschooler’s behaviour, seek professional help. For more tips on guiding your child’s behaviour, see Practical advice about discipline.

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  By Raising Children Network

  Preschoolers benefit from having boundaries and a regular routine in their lives. It gives them guidance while they are learning and exploring the world around them.
  
  Behaviour tips

  • Your preschooler has a short memory so you may need to remind her about things several times.
  • Let your preschooler know how her behaviour makes you feel so she can identify with your feelings.
  • Explain the consequences of her behaviour so she can understand why something is wrong.
  • Use ‘time-out’ as a discipline tool to discourage undesirable behaviour.
  • Children learn self-discipline by having fair and predictable rules and expectations.
  • They learn from example, so physical punishment as a form of discipline does not help them learn appropriate behaviour.

  This article is an extract only. For more information, visit raisingchildren.net.au/behaviour/preschoolers_behaviour.html.

  Sourced from the Raising Children Network's comprehensive and quality-assured Australian parenting website www.raisingchildren.net.au.