Why play is important for preschooler emotional development

Preschoolers are learning about emotions all the time. Play gives them a chance to explore emotions and express them in different ways, including words. Play with you and other children also gives preschoolers the chance to practise managing their emotions.

Play is the natural way that children learn and develop. It’s important for all areas of development, including emotional development, self-regulation, behaviour, relationships and school preparation.

Preschoolers watch how you express your emotions. You can help your child learn safe and effective ways to manage strong emotions when you manage your emotions in positive ways. For example, you could say, ‘I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to stop and take 3 big breaths’.

What to expect from emotions at 3-5 years

At 3-4 years

Your child will probably:

• use words to describe basic feelings like sadness, happiness, anger and excitement
• understand and relate to how others are feeling
• do things that show affection for friends – for example, your child might make a drawing for a friend without you suggesting it
• start learning how to control their emotions and calm down by themselves.

At 4-5 years

Your child will probably:

• use words to describe complex feelings like frustration and embarrassment, particularly if you’ve been encouraging your child to do this
• hide the truth about something if they feel guilty, embarrassed or frightened – or even say ‘I didn’t do it’ when they did
• be better at managing strong emotions like anger, frustration and disappointment and have fewer tantrums
• feel anxious about going somewhere unfamiliar, like a birthday party, especially if they have a less sociable temperament
• play cooperatively with other children – for example, your child might agree to be the customer and let their friend be the shopkeeper in a game of shops.

By 5 years

• use words to describe complex feelings like disappointment, guilt and jealousy
• be more aware of their feelings towards others and act on them – for example, your child might be kind to friends and family and want to help you more
• try hard to follow the rules to avoid getting in trouble
• have more patience when waiting for things
• have feelings about starting school – for example, your child might feel nervous or excited.

It’s a good idea to talk with your child and family health nurse or GP if your child isn’t interested in other children by 3 years, doesn’t pretend during play by 3 years, or doesn’t show empathy by 4 years. Also see your GP or nurse if you’re concerned about any other aspect of your child’s development.

Play activities to help your preschooler learn about emotions

Playing with you and with other children helps preschoolers explore and understand their feelings.

Here are ideas:

• Arrange playdates and other opportunities for your child to play with children of all ages and abilities.
• Give your child the chance to experience and express emotions through messy play with sand, mud or paints. You can name or respond to your child’s emotions. For example, if your child is smiling and squealing, you could say, ‘It looks like you’re feeling excited’.
• Look for imaginative and creative ways for your child to play. Your child could act out feelings with puppets or toys, or use old clothes for dress-up games and pretend play. For example, your preschooler could pretend to be kind and concerned like a teacher or a doctor.
• Try our naming emotions activity with your child. This activity encourages your child to recognise and use words for different feelings.
• Draw a picture of the body and take turns with your child to point to or colour where they feel emotions. For example, they might feel nervousness in their tummy.
• Encourage your child to paint and draw as a way of expressing emotions. Painting and drawing can soothe and calm your child if they’re frustrated or sad.
• Encourage your child to jump around and ‘act out’ music. You can talk about how your child’s movements change with the music’s tempo and rhythm, just like their emotions come, go and change.
• Read stories that feature characters who are experiencing similar situations and emotions to your child. This can help your child understand new emotions like grief about a pet’s death or worry about starting school.
• Let your child lead play. Your child can develop independence, confidence and emotional regulation through having choice and control during play.

If your child experiences strong emotions like anger or frustration, remember that all emotions are OK. Your job is to stay calm, supportive and patient. This can help your child feel safe as they experience and learn how to manage strong emotions.