Praise and encouragement

• email
• save PDF
• print

The reality is that it is much easier to criticise than it is to compliment. Bad behaviour is more obvious than good behaviour – you’re much more likely to notice your child is filling your shoes with shampoo than you are to notice he’s playing quietly with his blocks.

Seeking ways to compliment and encourage children goes a long way towards making them feel good. Using descriptive praise, where you tell the child exactly what it is that you like, works best of all. On top of that, praising a child when he’s behaving well is likely to make him want to keep behaving well.

Tips to help your child feel good

• When you feel good about your child, tell him. See if you can give your child some words of encouragement every day.
• Describe what it is that you like. We call this ‘descriptive praise’. When you provide a description of what you are happy about, your child knows exactly what you mean. For instance, ‘Gee, I like the way you’ve tidied your room; you’ve found a spot for everything!’ or ‘I love the picture you drew. You really know how to put colours together’. And describing what you like is much more genuine and convincing to a child than vague praise such as ‘You're a good boy’.
• Encourage good behaviour with praise, rather than pointing out the bad. This means trying to do more praising than criticising.
• It takes a lot of praise to outweigh one criticism. Researchers suggest trying to praise your child six times for every one time you criticise them.
• Look for little changes and successes. If you wait until your child has done something perfectly to give a compliment, you might find yourself waiting forever.
• Accept that everyone is different and love that difference. Encourage each child to develop and feel excited about their particular interests. Let them feel a sense of pride about being different.

• Rated38 ratingsRate this item
• FeedbackTell us what you think of this item
• Your story Share your parenting tips