Why community support and belonging is important for LGBTIQ+ families

When you feel supported as a parent and you also feel you belong in your neighbourhood and community, your children do better socially, emotionally and behaviourally. That’s because you can navigate the challenges of raising children better than if you feel isolated and alone.

It works the other way too. If you feel that you don’t belong, you can feel socially isolated. This can be bad for your mental health, which can affect your ability to be the parent you want to be.

Parents in LGBTIQ+ families are like all parents. They need support and a sense of belonging to help their children thrive.

Children do well when they have parenting that’s nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive and flexible. These are the things that matter to all children.

How discrimination and exclusion affect LGBTIQ+ families

Parents in LGBTIQ+ families can experience discrimination and exclusion. This might leave them feeling isolated and like they don’t belong.

Discrimination can be obvious, like violence or threats.

It can also be subtle – for example:

• teachers not letting children talk about their family experiences
• schools not letting children with 2 mums attend special events like a Fathers Day breakfast
• service providers asking inappropriate questions about family formation or parenting arrangements.

Discrimination can also come from policies, procedures or services that unfairly exclude LGBTIQ+ families and their children.

‘We live in a small country town – homophobia is the same everywhere, and people find difference a challenge. But we do an enormous amount for the schools, and we’re very involved in the community. I think this is helpful for the community. They know we’re a 2-mummy family, and the children are very open about that.

‘People soon realise we’re just a pretty average family – what makes us special isn’t our family structure, but just us!’

– Helen and Bernadette, parents of 2 children

What you can do to support and include LGBTIQ+ families

Social and emotional support from friends and family is one of the most important ways that all parents and families get a sense of belonging. Parents and families also feel that they belong when they’re part of a supportive neighbourhood network or can get involved in the community – for example, by volunteering on a school committee or helping at a child’s sporting event.

You can support LGBTIQ+ families in your neighbourhood by including them in these and other ways, and by speaking up if someone expresses views that discriminate against diverse families. Here are ideas.

Be aware of what you say

If you use language that’s respectful of difference, inclusive and non-judgmental, it can help LGBTIQ+ families feel welcome.

You can help by being aware of what you say. For example:

• Ask if you’re not sure what language to use. For example, ‘My name is Caz, and I use the pronouns she/her. What names and pronouns do your family members use?’
• Use neutral language, if you’re not sure what to say. For example, you might ask a child, ‘Have you got a parent here?’ rather than ‘Where are your mum and dad?’
• Be sensitive when asking other parents about their families, and don’t ask unnecessary questions – for example, questions like ‘How was Maddy conceived?’
• Avoid making assumptions when you meet new parents. You might ask about a ‘partner’ instead of making an assumption about their gender.

Respect for diversity is good for LGBTIQ+ families and also for other types of families in your community.

Challenge unhelpful attitudes

If you challenge unhelpful assumptions and attitudes, it can help LGBTIQ+ families feel supported and included.

For example:

• Speak up if someone expresses views that are homophobic or transphobic, that stereotype people, or that discriminate against diverse families in other ways. You could say, ‘I feel those comments are unfair’, ‘I’m sorry but I don’t agree with that’ or ‘That’s not the kind of message I want my children to hear’.
• Challenge people if they suggest that one type of family is better or more ‘normal’ than another. You could say, ‘Actually, it’s what parents do that really matters to children’ or ‘Children need kind and loving parents’.
• Give feedback to services, community groups or schools if you see ways they could be more inclusive. For example, you could suggest your child’s preschool changes a form so that it says ‘parent’ instead of mother or father, or you could suggest books for the school library that are inclusive of diverse families.

Talk with your child

Talking with your child about LGBTIQ+ families can help your child be aware of diverse families.

For example:

• Talk about different kinds of families and parents. You could say, ‘Families come in all shapes and sizes. Some children have a mum and a dad, some just have a mum or a dad, some have 2 mums or 2 dads, and some families have more than 2 parents’.
• Ask your child whether they have any friends with LGBTIQ+ families or with diverse family arrangements.

Share information

You can help LGBTIQ+ families feel like they belong by letting them know what’s available in your area. For example:

• Tell parents about things like local playgroups, family events, babysitting clubs, sporting groups and so on.
• Share information about local parenting and family support organisations and child health and wellbeing centres and organisations.

Parents and children in LGBTIQ+ families can also get a sense of belonging by making connections with other diverse families.