Is motherhood making you sad?

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When couples decide to have a baby they picture a beautiful baby, fulfillment and joy. They might also picture a crying baby, nappies, and sleepless nights. Not many couples picture that having a baby might bring sadness and even depression. For around 10-15% of new mothers Postnatal Depression becomes an overwhelming and powerful influence over their lives and their family. Sometimes women who are pregnant can also develop symptoms of depression which is called Antenatal Depression.

Postnatal Depression (PND) can mean different things to each mother but usually includes feelings of depression, anxiety, sadness, anger and difficulty coping that last for more than two weeks. These feelings appear either suddenly or gradually, within the first twelve months of the baby’s life. No matter what each mother is feeling, PND can make it hard to find joy in her new baby and her new life. PND can also make the mother feel that she is not in control or coping with her baby and that she is not a good mother. It is normal for all mothers to feel anxious, tired or down at different times when they have a new baby, especially in the early days of baby blues, but PND is something that lasts longer and can be harder to explain.

Why would having a new baby and becoming a mother bring about such sadness, anxiety and despair? There is no one cause of PND, but there are a number of things in the mother’s life that are thought to combine to contribute to the development of PND. Hormonal and chemical changes in the body and brain after childbirth are thought to play a part but it is not usually that simple. Other stress factors such as a demanding baby, lack of sleep and a difficult delivery may be part of it, as well as other life events, previous depression, isolation, lack of support, childhood abuse and a difficult relationship with her partner or her own mother. 

If a mother is feeling depressed or anxious for an extended time it can be very difficult for her to get to know her baby and to blossom into the mother she would like to be. Too often mothers hide their feelings because they feel they should be able to cope. Studies are showing that if the mother and her baby are influenced by PND for a long time the baby may miss out on the close and responsive relationship with his mother, which can have long-term effects on him. The extended families of women with PND also struggle as they attempt to help and support the mother, and sometimes the partners can feel they are to blame, and can feel inadequate or even depressed themselves.

But out of the sadness that is PND the good news is that with early detection, support, counselling and maybe appropriate medication most mothers do get better and can enjoy their baby and motherhood. Learning about PND and talking about the issues before or during pregnancy can help to reduce the chance of the mother developing it. It will also help her to know what is happening should she experience any PND feelings and symptoms after the baby is born so she can start the process of recovery.

Some mothers find it hard to say how hard things are for them because they want to be seen as being able to cope and be happy with their baby. This can get in the way of asking for help, whether from a GP, Maternal and Child Health Nurse or family and friends, but the sooner PND is identified and the right sort of support given to the mother and her family the earlier the process of recovery can begin. Most women experiencing PND find that having someone to talk to can help in dealing with feelings, but recovery may also involve building a support network of family and friends. Seeing a counsellor or joining a PND Support Group with other women with similar experiences can be very important.

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