Getting support

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• Super-parents are a myth – asking for help will make your life and your children’s lives better.
• Relaxed, healthy parents are better able to look after their children.
• Personal support, practical help and good information can all make your parenting job easier.
• Support from family, friends and other parents can mean you don't have to rely on professionals for general advice.

If you are isolated from friends and family, it can make parenting even more stressful and difficult. Having some kind of support network will make life easier for you and your children.

The first step is probably the hardest: to get support you may have to either accept help offered to you or (perhaps more confronting) ask others to help you. 

Why support is important

You may have heard all kinds of myths about how life as a parent is ‘supposed’ to be. But there’s no such thing as a super-parent, so don’t expect that you’ll be one. There is no truth to myths like:  

• It’s a parent’s ‘job’ to be with their children 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
• Children will think their parents don't love them if someone else takes care of them.
• Parents ‘should’ be able to manage by themselves – getting help equals failure as a parent.

If these ideas hold you back from seeking help, you might want to consider the following:

• Parents who get the support they need are more relaxed and healthier, and therefore better able to look after their children.
• Parents who do seek help set a good example for their children by teaching that you don’t have to do it alone and that it is OK to ask for help when you need to.
• Seeking help has the added benefit of showing other people that they are valued and needed. Many people actually like being asked for help: it makes them feel special to you.

It might sound strange, but giving others support is one of the best ways of making sure you also get the support you need. When you offer or ask for help, others feel that they can ask you for help in return.

Types of support

All parents need three kinds of support.

Practical support: this is help with the day-to-day realities of parenting and functioning as a family. Examples of this kind of support include money, babysitters, help in case of emergencies, assistance with transport, help with household tasks, people to have fun with. People who could provide this kind of support may include your extended family, friends, teachers, principals, coaches, club leaders, ministers, church elders, neighbours, youth pastors, parents of your children’s friends, and so on.

Personal support: this is support for you as a person, and comes in the form of adult friendships and relationships. The most valuable support of this kind comes from a person who is available, willing to listen and share ideas and advice if you ask, and able to do so in a positive and non-judgemental way. Many of the people listed in ‘Practical support’ may also be able to give you personal support. It can be particularly great to find someone who is in the same position as you and who shares things in common – you might find good friends through first-time parent groups or through your kindergarten or school.

Information support: because parenting involves learning on the job, getting good information is critical for every parent. Whether you're wondering about breastfeeding, changes to your body, managing your time or watching your child's latest developments, you can look to other parents and friends for ideas on parenting, and you can also read recommended books. Sometimes advice can be contradictory, but try not to be deterred. Consider any new ideas and ask yourself: does this sound right? What will work best for me and my child? If the topic is one of serious concern, you might want to think about who is giving the advice and whether they are qualified.

There are many sources of information on raising children. This website is a good start. Information and support is also available from:

• parenting groups and play groups
• schools
• babysitting clubs
• health centres
• libraries
• government departments
• your community
• health centres and associations.

Most importantly, develop relationships with people you can trust (including parents you admire and trained professionals you can speak to about health or social welfare concerns). This can even begin before you become a parent.

When you need professional help

Support from people in your social network is crucial in the long term. Research has shown that depending too heavily on health professionals can also be a problem for parents, especially if they rely too much on professionals for less formal support.

However, there might be times when informal sources of support are not helping you deal with problems. It is always best to check with a professional if you:

• have a serious concern or are worried about any aspect of your child's health, development or behaviour
• have tried strategies suggested on this website or in books and are still having trouble
• are having persistent feelings of depression, anger or resentment towards your child
• are frequently fighting with your partner, having fights that aren't resolved, or if there is violence in your relationship.

To make a start, visit the Services and Support section of this website, call your local parent advice line, visit your community health centre, or speak with your maternal and child health nurse or family doctor.

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