Getting help with settling babies

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• Who can help you
• Where you can get help
• Early parenting centres
• Back at home
• One family’s story

Who can help you

Caring for a baby becomes even more demanding when you feel exhausted and frustrated from lack of sleep. If our information on baby sleep hasn’t quite worked for your child, and you don’t know what to do next, try speaking to a child health professional. This is likely to help and increase your likelihood of success.

The following child health professionals can assist you with children’s sleeping problems:

• maternal and child health nurses
• GPs
• paediatricians
• some child and family psychologists.

To begin, a professional will talk with you to understand both the problem and your individual needs. The professional will ask you about your baby, the history of the problem, and what you have tried so far. A good professional always finds out what your goals are for your child and what you want to achieve.

The professional will then work with you to develop and put in place a sleep plan. A good plan will address:

• night feeding (if that’s still an issue)
• phasing out old bedtime habits
• creating positive bedtime routines
• providing settling strategies.

A good sleep plan also includes a contingency plan: what will you do if things don’t seem to be working?

Where you can get help

Maternal and child health centres
For many parents, the local infant health centre is the place to start. Your maternal and child health nurse can give you information and advice on managing sleeping and other problems. For more information see our Services and Support section.

Parent help lines
A range of parenting hotlines around Australia offer help. Some specialise in babies and young children, and some are available after hours when the pressure is really on. An advice line can provide ideas and suggestions about what you can do, as well as more information about where help is available in your local area.

Early parenting centres
Early parenting centres – sometimes referred to as ‘sleep schools’ – provide a range of supports to parents of young children. An early parenting centre is a place where parents can get help to manage their baby’s sleep better. These centres can also offer more than that, supporting parents with advice on a whole range of infant and baby issues. They offer personal support for parents as well.

Staff at early parenting centres understand what you and your baby are going through. They are used to dealing with all kinds of feeding and settling problems, and can help you and your family to get things back on track. Different centres operate slightly differently, but their philosophies are pretty much the same. They will help you develop an approach to ensure your baby spends more time sleeping and less time crying.

When you call a centre, someone will speak to you about your needs and let you know what they can offer. This might be:

• on-the-spot advice 
• referral to a parent education session 
• a day-stay program 
• a residential program.

If you go into a residential program, you will be assigned a family unit with comfortable beds, a cot and all the facilities you will need during your stay, including in-house support.

Most government parenting centres are free, because the cost is covered by Medicare. There might be charges for incidentals such as nappy wash services and meals. Private centres offer the same service. Your maternal and child health centre will be able to give you more information.

Back at home

Whether you use a parent advice line, visit a maternal or child health centre, or attend an early parenting centre, you will soon be back at home trying the strategies you have learned.

Keep in mind the following:

• It takes time for new routines to become established. Resist the temptation to give up or change things too early. Agree with the professional on how long you will try something before deciding that it’s not working and trying something else. To the best of your ability, stick to what you and the professional decided will work best for your baby, even if it seems hard.
• Your baby might go back to old habits temporarily. Don’t be too surprised. If you’re consistent with the new approaches you have learned, you will soon have your baby in a steady, settled routine.
• Keep any suggested strategies in writing. Reading them will remind you of what needs to be done. When things aren’t working, you can double-check to see if you’re following the strategies correctly.
• Try to organise back-up for when you get home. Find out who you can contact for help or emotional support. Most early parenting centres, for example, provide a telephone number for follow-up concerns. They have staff who can talk you through the worst of it.

One family’s story

Max’s mum and dad, Ingrid and Jonathan, told the child health nurse about the difficulties they were having settling Max to sleep. Ingrid was close to tears and told the nurse she was at her wit's end because Max would wake up about five times a night and only cat-nap for 20 minutes a couple of times during the day. He always seemed irritable and she couldn’t get anything done. Settling him to sleep was difficult and usually it had to be with a breastfeed. Jonathan said he felt powerless because breastfeeding appeared to be the only thing they could do to get Max to sleep.

The nurse explained that these issues are common. She gave them the phone number of the local parenting centre, and Ingrid called them that same afternoon. She talked to an intake worker about the issues. Max had been unsettled since he was three weeks old, and he was now nearing six months. The intake worker suggested the residential program. This would involve the whole family staying up to five days at the centre.

Jonathan was supportive of Ingrid, but thought that his employer might not approve his leave at short notice. When he approached his manager, however, he was pleasantly surprised by the support he received.

Five weeks later, Ingrid, Jonathan and Max were admitted to the program. There they learned that Max was probably overtired and needed to learn to settle himself to sleep. The staff helped Ingrid and Jonathan develop a plan that they thought would work for them when they got back home. As the plan did not involve giving breastfeeds to help Max sleep, Jonathan also had to learn how to settle Max. This meant Ingrid could have breaks. They both agreed to give it a try.

During their stay at the centre, Jonathan and Ingrid attended group discussion sessions. They were relieved to find that other couples were having similar issues, and that they weren’t being judged as incompetent parents.

On the third night, Max was showing signs of getting into good sleep patterns. The centre staff suggested that Ingrid and Jonathan have a couple of hours out alone. They went out to a local restaurant for dinner. For the first time, both Ingrid and Jonathan were comfortable talking about how they had felt. Ingrid said that she had been feeling incompetent and avoided meeting with other mothers from mothers’ groups because she could not settle her baby like they could – ‘they just seemed to be so much more in control!’ Jonathan, on the other hand, said he had felt helpless and isolated, as if suddenly he was an outsider in his own family. Now that he had learned some settling techniques he no longer felt helpless. He thought that he would develop a better relationship with Max because he was no longer feeling resentful.

On their final night at the centre, Max stirred once in his sleep. Jonathan offered to settle him on his own and was surprised at how soon he was able to do so. The centre staff observed, but did not need to interfere.

Ingrid and Jonathan left the centre feeling apprehensive about keeping to the routines at home. Given what they had to gain, they both agreed to give them a good try. The centre staff reassured them that they were only a phone call away should they need extra support.

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