Feeling stressed

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• Small amounts of stress are healthy; too much can get in the way of your ability to parent.
• It is possible to feel ‘good stress’ – for example, when you’re facing a number of challenges that you feel you can handle.
• It's easier to cope with stress if you know what causes it.

What you need to know about stress

Stress comes about when people experience change, frustration or something that they are worried they might not be able to deal with.

Normal stress can help us focus and get things done. Too much stress can be overwhelming, making it difficult to cope with everyday tasks. Too much stress can also lead to illness or behaviour that hinders your parenting ability.

Stress is caused by stress triggers. A trigger might be a certain event that affects you, like having too many people around or when your child cries for a long time. You might notice that events such as these cause you to feel more stressed. In other words, you might start worrying more, not sleeping well or not feeling well. If you know what the trigger is, it can be easier to deal with stress.

In general, one or more events will occur that lead to an emotional reaction. If you can recognise the triggers, you can learn to manage the feelings better.

Some signs that you might be stressed

You can expect to feel stress from time to time. Tiredness, daily duties and things that happen in your life can combine to make you feel like it’s all too much.

Cortisol is a hormone in your body related to stress. Your body’s cortisol levels can rise at the end of a long or difficult day, making it hard to relax. If this is happening a lot, you will be experiencing high levels of stress.

Some signs of this may be:

• worrying about absolutely everything
• drinking too much alcohol, smoking too much, or using drugs
• finding it hard to be tolerant with your children
• not getting enough sleep
• not feeling well – perhaps you have headaches or other aches and pains
• feeling unenthusiastic about things.

Simple tips for coping with stress

• Try to look after your physical health: eat well, get some exercise.
• Try to focus on the things you absolutely must do. Avoid taking on any more than you can handle.
• Try relaxation techniques. 
• Making a plan can help cut down on worrying.
• If possible, take a holiday or some time on the weekend to relax and take it easy.
• Talk things over with your partner or a friend before issues become bigger. If this is hard to do, you might want to try keeping a diary to record your thoughts and feelings and even to off-load some of the way you feel.
• If you have some large tasks to deal with, break them down into smaller, more manageable tasks.
• Spending some time with friends can be a real help – even meeting for a quick coffee can be enough.
• Stress often means you are trying to do too much – setting realistic goals for your day works.
• Avoid stimulants like cigarettes and caffeine (or depressants like alcohol) if you can.
• If you feel tired, try to get more rest. Just grabbing a quick nap can change your mood.
• Slow down your social life as much as you can for a while.
• If you are working long hours, try to reduce work or school hours.
• Do something you really enjoy each day. With a new baby, for instance, it is easy to forget to take time for yourself.
• Humour does wonders to melt away stress, and provides instant relief. Finding the humour in things will make you feel much better. Try getting hold of a friend who makes you laugh or watch half an hour of comedy on TV.

Sometimes when people get bogged down, they start to think negatively. This can magnify the feelings of stress. Changing the way you think about things can change the way you feel.

Some questions that can help you cope with stress

• Have I got realistic expectations?
• Is there a positive side to this?
• Is there another explanation for what is happening at the moment?

Relaxation strategies for parents

There are some very easy ways to unwind. Reading a magazine, watching some television, finding some time for your favourite interests – simple things can make you feel better about your day.

Anything that reduces your physical or mental tension can ease your stress levels. This might be going for a walk, reading a book, or doing some gardening, yoga or meditation.

Some people find shopping relieves stress. This might help but beware of the downsides, such as spending more than you can afford. There are also tapes or CDs available in public libraries and bookshops which can help with relaxation.

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