This period from 18 months to four years requires a fair amount of tact on your part. If you don't let your child do the task he is able to, or if you interfere too much, it's apt to make him angry. Yet if you don't help him at all, he'll never end up dressed and may get frustrated at his own failure.
Accomplishing the task
You can help him tactfully to accomplish the jobs that are possible. If he feels you are with him and not against him, he will be much more cooperative. It takes patience. Here are a few suggestions:
- Pull his socks partway off so that the rest is easy.
- Lay out the garment that he's going to want to put on.
- Interest him in the easier jobs while you do the hard ones.
- When he gets tangled up, don't insist on taking over; simply straighten his clothes out so that he can continue to try to dress himself.
Deciding on the outfit
Another source of conflict is who is going to choose the child's outfit. Some parents never allow a child to decide what he wants to wear. For some it is a daily struggle. One solution is to agree on who decides clothing for different kinds of activity. For example, your child might decide party shoes are fine to wear to the supermarket but not at the beach, whereas you decide what's to be worn for holidays or a wedding. For a young child, the choices should be simple: a child may be able to comfortably pick one of two shirts, but he might feel overwhelmed if confronted with four or five.
One reason parents get so upset about clothes is that they feel they'll be judged by their child's appearance. So it may help to remember that, in the long run, a child who has learned to make his own choices is more likely to feel comfortable and confident – outcomes that are much more important than just looking well-dressed.
