Helping siblings of children with disabilities

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• How can I help my child to cope? 
• Where can I get support and help?

How can I help my child to cope?

Talking to your child about her sibling’s disability is helpful. Try to be reassuring and comforting, and stick to simple language your child can understand.

• Encourage your child to talk about her feelings. Let her know that it’s OK to feel the way she does.
• Discuss the future. Let her know what is likely to happen to her sibling, and what you want from her. Try to be both positive and realistic about the future.
• Encourage questions, and answer them honestly and in a way your child can understand. Likely questions include ‘Did I cause it?’, ‘Will I catch it?’ and ‘Will it go away?’ 
• Talk about how other people might react to her sibling, and how that might make her feel. Help her figure out how to talk about her sibling and respond to other people’s reactions. Talk about how sometimes people say hurtful things because they don’t understand disability.
• Share information about the family situation with teachers, child care staff and other adults your child might be involved with, so they can deal with your child more sensitively.

Rules and responsibilities
Siblings of children with a disability might feel that family rules and responsibilities are unfairly biased towards their sibling. Again, acknowledge these feelings.

• Explain how everyone has to do things they don’t want to do. 
• Where possible, make rules fair for all children. For example, try not to accept aggressive or hurtful behaviour from your child with a disability if you won’t accept it from your other children. 
• Involve your child in making decisions about ways she can help, while making sure that she still has time to do the things she wants.
• Make sure that your child is old enough and able to take on any additional responsibilities you give her.

Identity issues
Sometimes your child might feel like her only identity is being the sibling of a child with a disability. She will really value any chances she gets just to be herself.

• Support her interests and social activities outside the family. Sometimes her sibling will need to be included, but make sure there are also times when she’s by herself. 
• Make sure there is a space at home or a time during the day when she won’t be disrupted by her sibling. 
• Give your child the opportunity to develop her own ways of coping. If she’s having trouble, encourage her to suggest some solutions. Don’t try to solve all her problems. It’s a tricky balance, but try to make sure you’re also not expecting too much.

Where can I get support and help?

• Family and close friends: if your child has a special relationship with another adult, ask that person for help. Family and friends can help by supporting and listening to you and by offering practical help. When you feel supported you are better able to support your children. 
• Disability associations: they provide direct services, information, referrals and a support network.
• Community support: there are many groups who can help you adjust to living with a child with a disability. Speak to professionals in the local council, community health centres, schools, early intervention agencies and government disability agencies.
• Peer support groups (for siblings): these groups may operate through disability services or associations, local councils or young carer support services. Attending a peer support group might help your child better understand disabilities, improve her self-esteem, increase her social interactions, learn coping strategies and start to see her situation as normal. 
• Professionals: the professionals who are helping you with your child’s disability are a good source of advice. They know your family; they work with other families in similar situations; and they have information about other services.
• Respite care: if your child’s disability is affecting your family life, leaving him in capable hands for a while can really help you and your family. You can play with your other children, do chores you haven’t been able to do, meet up with friends or just take a break.

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