Becoming a parent

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• About 50% of couples find they communicate less after having a baby – if you have a partner, this is the relationship most likely to be affected by parenthood.
• Tiredness and stress can creep in between all the excitement – staying healthy and fit helps you take care of your child.
• Get help where you can – raising a child is demanding and all parents need personal and practical support.

Becoming a parent for the first time is a bit like throwing your entire life up into the air and then having to catch extra bits on the way down. The new bits include joy and absolute pleasure from the tiniest things, like a newborn smile or the curl of a little finger. And some other bits like less time for you, less time for your partner, family and friends, and maybe more tiredness than you ever imagined.

With all the excitement, change and work that comes with being a mum or a dad, no wonder looking after yourself becomes more important than ever before.

Try not to expect too much from yourself or your relationship in the first six to eight weeks. This is a time of transition and the most important thing is to enjoy connecting with your child.

The better you feel, the more you will enjoy being a parent. Taking care of your mental health, your physical health and your relationships are the keys. These three things will help you have more fun, and more energy and stamina for when you need it.

Becoming a parent: what to expect

You'll have lots of new feelings. There'll be some amazing highs, some breathy new feelings, and, yes, some lows. You might be on an emotional seesaw during the first months of parenthood.

Tiredness and stress can take their toll, even in the first few days of parenthood. For most parents this time is just about getting through each day and the new experiences it brings. 

Lots of new parents feel that they are not coping at some stage or another. It can help to ask other new parents or friends about their experiences. Having realistic expectations of yourself makes it easier to adapt, rather than feeling disappointed or like you're not coping.

Your relationships will probably change.

If you are part of a couple, your relationship with your partner is likely to be the most affected.

After becoming parents, it is common for couples to:

• experience changes in personal feelings, sexual closeness and levels of relationship satisfaction now that attention has to be shared three ways
• communicate less: about 50% of couples find this
• have more relationship stress than usual, and some relationship upheavals, including with family and friends
• report less time and less energy for sexual closeness
• experience more relationship conflict after the first few months.

Research shows that happy couples have a positive effect on their children. Looking after your relationship with your partner can help keep your relationship healthy, and can help you both get the most out of being parents.

Before you had a baby or child, it might have been fairly easy to look after yourself and your relationships with your partner and friends. Becoming a parent can change that. It might take more effort to do so in the same way that you used to.

Relationships with friends and family can also change.

• Grandparents may be unsure how to help or how much space to give you.
• Your friends might not be sure how to help.
• Other children might be a bit jealous with the arrival of a new brother or sister.

Taking care of relationships with friends and family is important because strong and supportive relationships make a massive difference when things get tough.

Tips for helping friends and family adapt

• Share your experiences with grandparents and other family members. They are having a new experience too and might be still getting used to their roles. Think about ways to include them in your experience.
• Include siblings in the care of the new baby where you can.
• Be open with others and tell them how you are feeling.
• Try to find time on your own with your other children.
• Try to keep up contact with friends and other groups.

Tips for staying healthy and fit

Three little things make a world of difference when it comes to having the energy to look after and play with your new baby: staying active, eating well and getting as much rest as you can.

• Eating and drinking: new mums
• Health: new mums

Here are some lifestyle changes that can also help:

• Get support when you need it. Parenting is hard to do alone. Anyone looking after a child needs to be able to call on support of three types: practical help, personal support and good information.
• Change your lifestyle. Lots of people notice that they have less free time and less social time when they first become parents. If you're worried about this, you can try to make the change gradually, or find other ways to still keep up with friends and family.
• Sleep whenever you can. Sleep is a big one for many parents. If you find it hard to change your old sleeping hours, then you might feel tired and lack energy during the first few months. Find out more about sleep for parents.
• Quit smoking. Cigarettes may alleviate stress, but in the long run they make you feel worse. With the added motivation of creating a healthier environment for your child, this could be a good time to quit smoking. You can get tips for quitting smoking from the National Quitline.

Find out what you can do to cope with feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, anger or depression if they occur. If you feel like you are having more downs than ups, think about speaking to a friend or GP for some support.

Major life changes such as becoming a parent do cause negative feelings – it's how you respond to these changes that is important. It also helps to remember that these feelings will not last forever.

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