By Raising Children Network, with the Centre for Adolescent Health
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Father engaging in conversation with teenaged son

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Studies show a strong link between the quality of parent-teenager relationships and the mental health of young people. Strong family support and relationships might protect teens from mental health problems or disorders like depression and anxiety.
Most young people feel anxious at some stage. After all, adolescence is full of new challenges and experiences. You can help your teenager learn the important life skill of managing anxiety and dealing with worried feelings.

What is anxiety?

Everybody feels anxious sometimes, especially when faced with unfamiliar, dangerous or stressful situations. Anxiety can include body signals such as ‘butterflies’, a sinking feeling, tense or uncomfortable feelings, or ‘nerves’. It’s a normal reaction to challenging situations.

Anxiety in teenagers
As children become teenagers, their boundaries expand. They have new challenges and opportunities. They want more independence and their brains change. Because of all these changes, adolescence can be a particularly stressful time, which can cause anxiety.

For example, teenagers might worry about starting secondary school, looking a particular way, fitting in with friends, sitting an exam, performing in a play at school or going to the school formal. Sometimes they might even have irrational concerns about the world ending.

Also, as their independence increases, teenagers might worry about being responsible for their own actions and getting a job.

For most teenagers, anxiety is part of the normal range of emotions. It’s usually just temporary and goes away on its own.

Anxiety in teenagers isn’t always a bad thing. Feelings of anxiety can help to keep young people safe by getting them to think about the situation they’re in. Anxiety can also be a helpful tool for motivating teenagers to do their best. It can help them get ready for challenging situations like public speaking or sporting events.

Managing anxiety: helping teenagers

Managing anxiety is an important life skill. If your child shows signs of anxiety, you can offer support in several ways.

Helping your child face anxiety

  • Acknowledge your child’s fear – don’t dismiss or ignore it. It’s important for teenagers to feel that you take them seriously and that you believe they can overcome their fears. They also need to know that you’ll be there to support them.
  • Gently encourage your child to do the things she’s anxious about. But don’t push her to face situations she doesn’t want to face. You can also wait until your child actually gets anxious before you step in to help.
  • Consider setting your child small goals in relation to things that make him anxious. Provide plenty of support and encouragement, but don’t step in too early or take control. For example, your child might be anxious about performing in front of others. As a first step, you could suggest your child practises his lines in front of the family, or works as a stagehand for the school play.
  • Support your child in facing her fears. Acknowledge all the steps that she takes, no matter how small those steps are.
  • If your child avoids a situation because of anxiety, don’t make a fuss. Let your child know that you believe he will be able to manage anxieties in the future.

Helping your child explore and understand feelings

  • Let your child know that anxiety is normal. Tell your child about your own worries as a teenager, and remind your child that lots of other teenagers feel anxious too.
  • If your child has trouble talking about anxious feelings, suggest a diary or journal. Writing down anxious thoughts and feelings could help your child.
  • Help your child understand that it’s normal to go through a big range of emotions and that sometimes these can be strong emotions. If you listen to your child, you can help her identify and understand her feelings, which is a good first step to managing them.

Giving your child love and support

  • Show affection. Your love and care helps reduce anxiety. Tell your child regularly that you love him and show your affection – for example, with a hug.
  • Avoid labelling your child as ‘shy’ or ‘anxious’.
  • Be a good role model for your child in the way that you manage your own stress and anxiety.

Thinking about your family life and routine

  • Spend time with people your child likes, trusts and feels comfortable around.
  • Encourage a healthy lifestyle for your child, with plenty of physical activity, sleep and healthy food and drink. It’s also important for your child to avoid alcohol and other drugs, as well as unnecessary stress.
  • Make time in your family routine for things that your child enjoys and finds relaxing. These could be simple things like playing or listening to music, reading books or going for walks.

Getting help for teenage anxiety

If you think your child needs help dealing with anxiety, seek professional guidance as early as possible.

You might feel uncomfortable talking to your child about anxiety or other mental health problems. But by talking about anxiety with your child, you give him permission to talk to you. Your child also needs your help to get professional support.

Options for help and support include:

If you’re unsure where to go, your GP can guide you to the most appropriate services for your family.

Your child might not want to talk to you about how she’s feeling. She might even say there’s nothing wrong. If so, you could suggest a confidential telephone counselling service for young people, such as Kids Helpline (1800 551 800). Your child could also visit the Kids Helpline website.

Anxiety problems and disorders

Most normal anxiety is short-lived – perhaps a day or a few hours. An anxiety problem is when anxious feelings:

  • are very intense
  • go on for weeks, months or even longer
  • get in the way of a young person’s ability to learn, socialise and enjoy daily life.

An anxiety problem could be diagnosed by a health professional as an anxiety disorder. An anxiety disorder is a mental health problem.

If you’re worried that your child might have an anxiety problem or disorder, ask the following questions:

  • Is my child’s anxiety stopping him from doing things he wants to do? Is it interfering with friendships, schoolwork or family life?
  • How does my child’s behaviour compare with the behaviour of other young people the same age?
  • Is my child extremely distressed by feelings of anxiety?
If you think your child might have an anxiety problem, seek professional help. You can also read our article on anxiety problems and disorders.