Afraid of starting preschool

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The four-year-old who is outgoing takes to preschool like a duck to water and doesn't need any gentle introduction. It may be quite different with a sensitive three-year-old who still feels closely attached to his parents.

If a parent leaves him at preschool the first day, he may not make a fuss right away, but after a while he may miss his parent. He may become frightened. The next day he may not want to leave home.

Introduce preschool gradually

Most preschools introduce children to their programs gradually. This is particularly helpful for the shy or sensitive child. Parents can stay with their children for as long as they wish. For several days a parent might stay nearby while he plays and then take him home again after a time. Each day the parent can stay for a longer period. Meanwhile, he is building up attachments to the teacher and other children that will give him a sense of security when his parent no longer stays.

Sometimes a child seems quite happy for several days, even after his parent has left him. Then he gets hurt and suddenly wants his mummy or daddy. In that case, the teacher can help the parents decide if one of them should come back for a number of days.

If a parent is staying around the preschool, it's best to remain in the background. The idea is to let the child develop his own desire to enter the group so that he forgets his need for his parents.

Think about your own feelings

Sometimes your anxiety is greater than the child's. If you say goodbye three times over, with a worried expression, he may think, ‘It looks as if something awful might happen if I stay here alone’.

It's natural for a tenderhearted parent to worry about leaving a small child for the first time. Let the preschool teacher, who often has a lot of experience, advise you.

Be firm

A child who starts with some genuine anxiety about separating from the parent may learn that protesting allows him to avoid the situation.

He may then progressively use this to avoid preschool. When a child becomes reluctant or fearful about returning to a preschool with understanding teachers, it is usually better for the parents to act quite confident and firm and explain that the teacher will look after him and that he will be fine.

It can sometimes help to have someone different escort a reluctant child to preschool. In any case, the child should not be deceived. He should be told that he has become friends with the teacher and the other children, so tomorrow his parent will not be staying at preschool. The parent should say goodbye once, cheerfully, then leave.

In the long run, it's better for the child to outgrow his dependence than to give in to it. If the child's terror is extreme, the situation should be discussed with a child mental health professional.

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